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Please help me-son hates being carried and I'm going broke...

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
...spending money trying to find a carrier he likes. He's 9 weeks old, and I am getting tired of sitting on my bed all day holding him on the boppy in my lap. My back is killing me, my butt is mush and I am getting very grouchy.

He didn't like the first hotsling I tried, didn't like the second, and didn't like a ring sling. I figured he just didn't like being in that snuggly cradle hold (he's wants to see things) and bought a mei tai from babyhawk. Which just arrived promptly today.

My husband put him in the mei tai (front carry) and he was happy as a clam for about ten minutes, walking around. Then he started fussing and pushing his arms against my husband's chest...trying to push away from him. The fussing quickly escalated until we took him out. I decided to try a back carry and that made him fuss so long and loudly it took us forever to calm him down. I finally nursed him a bit and he's asleep peacefully....on the boppy. In my lap.

Do some babies just hate being carried? Do I need to just keep trying despite the fussing? I really don't want to try a Baby Bjorn type thing, but I don't know what else to do and I'm tired of dropping $70 here, $80 there. I saw in another Mei Tai thread a suggestion to try a scrunchie to scrunch up the mei tai and do a front carry facing outward. I tried it and the mei tai body seems too short and it doesn't seem possible to carry him like that.

Please help.
post #2 of 29
my sugestion is a cheep one peice of fabric you might even have something that would work i do a front cross in this position my son hates it to but he is calmer in this position... dc is up right close to your heart, can bf in it, can put it so he can see also try when dc is tired and wants breast tip wear a low cut shirt to make bfing easy then you put dc in and then bf in it and hope dc sleeps also with the one peice of fabric you can do many styles here is the link to the video page but this site has everything you need to know http://www.wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=173
post #3 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemizflava View Post
my sugestion is a cheep one peice of fabric you might even have something that would work i do a front cross in this position my son hates it to but he is calmer in this position... dc is up right close to your heart, can bf in it, can put it so he can see also try when dc is tired and wants breast tip wear a low cut shirt to make bfing easy then you put dc in and then bf in it and hope dc sleeps also with the one peice of fabric you can do many styles here is the link to the video page but this site has everything you need to know http://www.wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=173
If you have a Walmart near you, and aren't opposed to shopping there, you can usually get an okay wrap fabric for $1 a yard. You will need 5 yards to do the wraps that you will see on that website. You can also use the wrap to wear him facing out, if you feel that's what he needs.
post #4 of 29
I always recommend a kangaroo korner fleece pouch. So squishy comfy, both mine just love them
post #5 of 29
My second dd would only tolerate a snuggli/baby bjorn type of carrier when she was tiny. She eventually tolerated slings better, but for some reason we couldn't get it to work when she was tiny.
post #6 of 29
Maybe try a snugli/Bjorn and then a little later try with the slings?
My dd loved the sling once she could sit in the kangaroo position and look at everyone and everything.
post #7 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2much2luv View Post
My second dd would only tolerate a snuggli/baby bjorn type of carrier when she was tiny. She eventually tolerated slings better, but for some reason we couldn't get it to work when she was tiny.
See, I wonder if this is it. He just won't take to a sling-type thing. And as for wraps...well, the child REFUSES to be swaddled, so I don't know how well he would take to being wrapped at all. He loves to be free to kick his legs and wave his arms.

I LOVE the babyhawk and it's so comfortable. I am so frustrated with my son for not liking it, as awful as that sounds.
post #8 of 29
I had to start out my dd with short periods of time,so she could get used to it. Motion was vital too. She was much happier if I was moving. At first all I would get was 10 minutes at a time. At first I put her in when she was in a good mood and walked around until she got sick of it. After a few days or so of that I put her in when she was cranky and it worked like a charm.
post #9 of 29
First of all, babywearing can be very frustrating when baby has a firm opinion about what he wants but not the vocabulary to tell you what that is. Seems like it should be pop baby in a sling and everybody's happy. Unfortunately that is not always the case - but it does get better and 'yes' you will be able to find a carrier that will make your son happy. So on to some troubleshooting.

Are you doing legs in or out in your Babyhawk? Legs out at 9 weeks might work however, I find mei tais with straight waist straps don't usually scrunch well between a small baby's legs. I've also tried placing a 2 month old front facing out in a Babyhawk and it didn't work. The body was almost too short and baby's legs turned purple

What ring sling do you have?

Lastly, I think the wrap idea is a good one. You would also be able to tie so your little one has legs and arms free. Honestly, I've worked with lots of babies and, despite the learning curve, wraps are the answer because you can tie a multitude of ways until you find the magic carry. I would recommend a stretchy wrap because they are easier to learn and would feel less restrictive for your son because they have some give and bounce. The local fabric store would be cheap or, if you prefer to buy, perhaps a Moby or a hybrid like the Gypsy Mama BaliBaby Stretch. Lastly, I'm guessing, if your son likes to wave arms and legs he might also hate having his head confined. If you try a wrap you might find your son won't tolerate the fabric crosses over his head unless he is asleep. However, you would still be able to get adequate neck support by pulling some wrap fabric just up to the base of his head.

Oh, very last thing. There are several NINO chapters in Virginia. If you could attend a meeting you could try before you bought another new carrier. www.nineinnineout.org/localgroups.htm

M'Liss
post #10 of 29
my experience, which may apply to you, is usually that the mamma needs to feel comfortable and like with what she is going to use. there is going to be a period of adjustment, since he is not used to them from birth. and it will help if you keep moving, the more up and down and back and forth the better, when he is in whatever carrier you choose. i know that when i first started, my son was about that age, and i had to simply stick to it and feel confident it would work, and he got used to it. at the time i had a low wearing ring sling and he also preferred his head out and legs out, since he was not as used to being scrunched up. he will be learning to transfer his own movements to absorbing your own instead. feel confident that it will be okay. it really will. get busy and do the dishes and work to feel safe and content with the sling. he will feel some of your nervousness so banish it. think of it as sling meditation. if he cries after awhile, it may not be the sling, it may just be that he peed. and i always have better luck with fresh air (i know, it is cold....) he is naturally going to test his mobility in it, that is just how kids and babies are.
good luck.
post #11 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandme View Post
I LOVE the babyhawk and it's so comfortable. I am so frustrated with my son for not liking it, as awful as that sounds.
Ha ha! This is SO me right now. I just drove for an hour and a half today to the only store in the county that carries babyhawks to check them out. I loved it! It felt secure and great on my back, but . . . dd FREAKED out!! I hate using the Bjorn, but she loves to face out! I don't know if I should just buy the babyhawk and get her used to it, or if I should try something else. I can't tell if she just hated facing inward or if it hurt to have her legs spread. I tried the ring sling, but it just doesn't feel as comfortable or secure.
post #12 of 29
Have you tried carrying positions other than the cradle postion in your ring sling. Have you tried nursing in the ring sling? Some babies will accept being carried when you nurse them in the carrier. Movement is essential.

I agree with Mliss that a stretchy Wrap would be a good idea. Mei tai's are great carriers but i have seen some little ones fuss in them but put that same baby in a wrap an not a peep out of them.

My kids refused to be swaddled too but they loved wraps. If you can get to a NINO and try one you would be able to see if your little one likes it without spending more money.
post #13 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandme View Post
See, I wonder if this is it. He just won't take to a sling-type thing. And as for wraps...well, the child REFUSES to be swaddled, so I don't know how well he would take to being wrapped at all. He loves to be free to kick his legs and wave his arms.

I LOVE the babyhawk and it's so comfortable. I am so frustrated with my son for not liking it, as awful as that sounds.
Ah, with a wrap, you can have his arms and legs free. Check this out: http://www.mobywrap.com/instructions.php?link=5
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommystinch View Post
Ah, with a wrap, you can have his arms and legs free. Check this out: http://www.mobywrap.com/instructions.php?link=5
Ooh, I'll be bookmarking that page.

Sadly, though, it looks like I have to wait a few ore weeks for that. He's 9 weeks old...not even close to 4 months.
post #15 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandme View Post
Ooh, I'll be bookmarking that page.

Sadly, though, it looks like I have to wait a few ore weeks for that. He's 9 weeks old...not even close to 4 months.
You don't have to wait till a certain said age to carry a certain way. Just support the head if it's still bobbing.

I carried my first son on my back from a few months, and DD on my back since about 2 weeks.

Another thing is you need to keep busy. babies don't like to just hang out while you're sitting still. And at first you will probably just do a few minutes here and there untill he gets used to it. Both mine have been in since birth, especially DD, but even then they want out sometimes.
post #16 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 425lisamarie View Post
You don't have to wait till a certain said age to carry a certain way. Just support the head if it's still bobbing.

I carried my first son on my back from a few months, and DD on my back since about 2 weeks.

Another thing is you need to keep busy. babies don't like to just hang out while you're sitting still. And at first you will probably just do a few minutes here and there untill he gets used to it. Both mine have been in since birth, especially DD, but even then they want out sometimes.
Okay, cool. These are the kind of reassurances I'm looking for. Basically, we put Harrison in the mei tai with my husband wearing and I said "MOVE!" the minute he got in (remembering this advice from a thread here). So he walked around the house, up and down stairs and Harrison was pretty fascinated by it all for about 10 minutes.

But from what you're telling me, we may just need to practice more....get him used to it. Maybe for his first time 10 minutes isn't so bad? And I think it was a huge mistake for me to try the back carry right afterwards, because I think he had enough and I should have cooled it rather than pushing it on him...all I did was create a total meltdown. I'm going to try this for a few minutes here and there every day and see if I can get him used to it. Unfortunately, it's going to be extremely cold here for the next week or so, so I probably won't be doing any outdoor walking...but I really wish I could.
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mliss View Post
Lastly, I think the wrap idea is a good one. You would also be able to tie so your little one has legs and arms free.
The front wrap carry was my lifesaver. I'd tried a ring sling, mei tai, & hotsling. Then I put her in the wrap and she melted.
post #18 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommystinch View Post
Ah, with a wrap, you can have his arms and legs free. Check this out: http://www.mobywrap.com/instructions.php?link=5
The problem with the Moby instructions is that they still demo a crotch dangle position - which is why they have the recommendation that this carry isn't recommended until 4 months. If you put baby in a more natural front facing out position front facing is possible much earlier. For instance, imagine you have baby in your arms facing out. You would have one arm under his bum, one arm over his chest and baby's back resting against your chest. This position allows baby to rest his head back against mom's chest, even if he doesn't have good head control. In a wrap you would mimic this position like this: http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b3...0/frontout.jpg In a mei tai: http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b3...70/KozyFF1.jpg If baby falls asleep in a wrap you have the advantage of pulling one of the crosses over his head for support.

So, keep trying your Babyhawk. Your DS may become more accustomed to the mei tai. Moving is a great. If things aren't improved in a few weeks definitely look into a stretchy wrap.

M'Liss
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandme View Post
Okay, cool. These are the kind of reassurances I'm looking for. Basically, we put Harrison in the mei tai with my husband wearing and I said "MOVE!" the minute he got in (remembering this advice from a thread here). So he walked around the house, up and down stairs and Harrison was pretty fascinated by it all for about 10 minutes.

But from what you're telling me, we may just need to practice more....get him used to it. Maybe for his first time 10 minutes isn't so bad? And I think it was a huge mistake for me to try the back carry right afterwards, because I think he had enough and I should have cooled it rather than pushing it on him...all I did was create a total meltdown. I'm going to try this for a few minutes here and there every day and see if I can get him used to it. Unfortunately, it's going to be extremely cold here for the next week or so, so I probably won't be doing any outdoor walking...but I really wish I could.
I have always carried outsid ein the cold. I have a fleece pouch so only her head pokes out, but I still put a coat over it. You can do a hip carry, or a front carry and just put a loose coat on and zip up half way. Who cares what you look like I'm sure sometimes people wonder how I have a head sticking out of my shirt
post #20 of 29
get 5 yrds of poly jersy cotten fabric and make a wrap out of that.. learn a basic front wrap cross carry with chest belt and wear him facing out!!

http://www.wearyourbaby.com/StartHer...3/Default.aspx
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