Does your partner smoke?

[mcizzard]

Does your partner smoke (cigarettes or other) How do you deal with it?

My partner smokes about a half a pack a day (a lot less than he used to) and occasionally indulges in herbal delights. Since I got pg last March he never smokes in the house or car or around me. Now that our dd is born (12/06) and we are a co-sleeping, babywearing family, I wonder about her being near him after he smokes. He always washes his hands, takes off his jacket etc. but I wonder whether him wearing her and sleeping with her is more of a benefit than the harm of being near his post-smokiness, or if the opposite is true.

BTW he knows I'd like him to quit not just for his daughter's health but his own. Still I grew up around addicts and know that forcing the issue never works.

Opinions...suggestions....

[phathui5]

I know that many pro-co-sleeping advocates say that smokers should not sleep with their children. They breathe out the chemicals that are in their lungs and baby takes it in.

My husband is a social smoker. He smokes with his guy friends and has a pack in his truck that he sometimes smokes during the week. I still don't like it, but he doesn't smoke on the evenings or weekends. We do co-sleep, with me in between him and ds.

[wemoon]

I don't think it is wise for your DH to sleep with your child and it probably isn't good for him to wear her for long periods.

My X smoked while we were together. I wouldn't let my kids sleep on his side of the bed and eventually just moved out of the bed. Smokers are stinky. He was an idiot about it. He wouldn't smoke in the house, but would do it in the car even though I'd insist he not do it. Jerk.

[UnschoolnMa]

My husband does smoke. Our kids are teens now, but when we co-slept I was always next to the kids.

[Krystal323]

Originally Posted by phathui5

I know that many pro-co-sleeping advocates say that smokers should not sleep with their children. They breathe out the chemicals that are in their lungs and baby takes it in.

REALLY...??? that's kind of upsetting. I mean, DP promised me he'd quit before the baby's born, but....wow....after baby's born....I might want to have a cig too every now and then. I mean like one a week.

Is that so bad?? anyone got some links??

[Getz]

If he can't quit (I am an ex-smoker, I know it is a tough habit to break). He needs to at least change his clothes, brush teeth, wash hands/arms before coming to bed after the last cigarette.

[papayapetunia]

My dh smokes and we co-sleep with dd next to me. How do I deal with it? By being very angry inside. I know addiction is hard, but what if I said that as a pregnant woman? :

[ThreeBeans]

Originally Posted by Krystal323

REALLY...??? that's kind of upsetting. I mean, DP promised me he'd quit before the baby's born, but....wow....after baby's born....I might want to have a cig too every now and then. I mean like one a week.

Is that so bad?? anyone got some links??

Huh? You need a link to tell you that second hand smoke is bad for your baby? I don't get it. I really don't.

You don't need to smoke. And obviously if you're thinking 'once a week' you're not addicted to the nicotine.

To answer the OP. Nope. He would not be my husband if he smoked. It's a filthy habit and I won't abide it.

[Sharlla]

Nope, I have never dated a smoker,not that I didn't want to (I use to smoke and wish I had a BF that did) it's just all the guys that are attracted to me don't smoke

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans

Huh? You need a link to tell you that second hand smoke is bad for your baby? I don't get it. I really don't.

I don't think that many people consider the smell left on someone after a cigarette the same as second-hand smoke. Please, don't act like the poster was an idiot for asking for some valid information.


Yes, my partner smokes. And I don't deal very well with it. It breaks my heart and makes me very angry at the same time.

Here's a link that might be a good starting point:
http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=35422

[kwren23]

post smoking smelliness is NOT second hand smoke. there is a difference.

aside from that, dp is a smoker and i used to be. i try not to push at him about it because quite frankly its none of my business. he only smokes outside, not in the car or in the house and never around dd unless he is outside with us, even then he makes sure he is out of her range. he doesnt drink more than the occassional beer, he doesnt go out, if he wants to indulge in something he enjoys i'm not going to hassle him about it.

yes, it bothers me, in part because i smoked for years before i had dd (i quit with her brother and then started again when he weaned. no i never smoked around him or inside, but yes, i smoked) its sometimes hard to be around him after he has been smoking because even after two years of not smoking i still sometimes want a cigarette, but his smoking is not my choice to make. i can nag at him till i am blue in the face but its not going to make him stop unless he wants to. i dont like the smell, i dont like the health risks and i worry about him, but i cant force him to stop and i refuse to ruin the time i spend with him by nagging him about one of the few vices he has left. after all, he gave up most of his vices to settle happily down with us, comes home to us every night instead of going out to a bar or with friends, and is a wonderful daddy!

we still co-sleep. the baby slept next to me untill she was about 9 months old, now she sleeps in between us for some of the night. its never been an issue. i have never heard that smokers breathe out gasses while they sleep? i would like to see that information if someone can give a link? i havent been able to find anything that says the gasses remain after the smoke is exhaled... :

[primjillie]

I would never be married to a smoker, so I can't answer to the cosleeping part. My parents were chain smokers and I vowed to get as far away as possible from smoke once I moved out. I am thankful none of my kids smoke now they are grown and hope none of my grandchildren ever do. I feel so strongly about smoking.........I wish it were illegal.

[Emilie]

My husband smokes alot- 2+ packs a day. he coslept with our son.

[Krystal323]

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

I don't think that many people consider the smell left on someone after a cigarette the same as second-hand smoke. Please, don't act like the poster was an idiot for asking for some valid information.


Yes, my partner smokes. And I don't deal very well with it. It breaks my heart and makes me very angry at the same time.

Here's a link that might be a good starting point:
http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=35422

:

thanks for getting what i meant. my dp won't even smoke around my kids or me either now that i'm pg. neither of us smoke around the kids, but it never occurred to me that the very air we breathe out hours later might be tainted or dangerous. thanks for the linky.

[mistymama]

We are both social smokers .. meaning on Fri or Sat night when we have friends over and a few beers, we'll smoke a few.

Of course, my son is 4 and no longer co-sleeps. But back when he did, I'd just make sure to shower, brush my teeth and change clothes before going to bed.

It's a personal choice and I know some people feel VERY strongly about smoking.

[newmommy]

No, DH does not smoke. Neither do I. Never have, never will. I would not have married him if he did.

I hate the smell so much I am very sensitive to it and can smell it on a person's body. Smoking is not allowed in my home.

However, I worry about my DH. The majority of his Clients smoke and many many many times he comes home after a meeting with his Clients smelling like smoke so he has to tolerate second hand smoke a lot.

When he gets home, he takes off his clothes immediately and starts washing them.

It's the worst part of his profession.

[phathui5]

I googled "smoking" and "cosleeping:"

http://www.surebaby.com/cosleeping.php
http://www.babyreference.com/Cosleep...%20Studies.htm (smoking adults listed as a risk factor)
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...p/t-36854.html

[becoming]

DH smokes 1.5 packs per day and co-slept with our son, but he always showered just before bed. (We don't co-sleep with DD because she won't allow it.) I hate the smoking, but nagging only makes it worse, so I just keep my mouth shut. He never smokes around our children obviously and always smokes outside, away from the house.

[Mama Poot]

I unfortunately am the smoking partner in my marriage. I am a "light" smoker, just a few a day, might go through a pack in a week. I did quit during my pregnancy and for several months after ds2's birth, but circumstances in my life brought me to smoking again. I smoke outside, wash my hands, take off clothing before I go to bed. Babe co-sleeps and is EBF, I feel the benefits of those things far outweigh whatever risks might be present due to my smoking. DH obviously doesn't like that I smoke, but I don't do in the car or anything like that, never around the kids. It would be pointless for him to try to stop me, he tried before and it just made me angry and resentful towards him. Not worth it.

[mcizzard]

Thanks for all of your thoughtful responses. I checked out the links and have done a fair amount of research on this topic r/t SIDS. Here's the thing- the studies and recs never specify whether the smoker (mom, dad, family member) smokes in the house, around the baby etc. It does make sense to me that the smells, chemicals irritants linger but it is unclear the amount of risk this poses, and how damaging it is to babe, which is why I was wondering how other people managed it.

I'm also not clear on the exhaling toxins later issue. Does anyone have a link on that? One link defines second hand smoke and includes what the smoker exhales. But I assumed this meant while smoking. Is what is left hours later really second hand smoke? Methinks we need another name.

While I wish I wasn't facing this dilemma , and can understand y'all who would never be with a smoker, I really love my dp. This fella is my soulmate: , a wonderful husband, friend, lover, father, who happens to have a really sh!*&#tty habit. I'm not willing to give up all the good things I have with him over cigarettes. And fighting him on it is only going to create resentment and/or dishonesty neither of which are healthy. So I'm trying to figure out the best way to deal with what I've got, a super partner who smokes, a 7 week old dd, and the desire to co-sleep babywear, and have dd and dp develop a deep, loving bond.