postpartum sex - vent

[Shenandoah]

Am I the only one here who feels she's being harassed by her husband? : I have huge nursing boobs on a small frame and my dh will not leave me alone. He's not overt. He just stares, sighs, rubs against me, etc. Oh, and he gets really annoyed with the baby over being constantly attached to me. He says to me the other night, "Let's just sit and snuggle." I'm good with that. He sits on the sofa lengthwise and makes room for me to sit between his legs and lean back on his chest. And within 30 seconds he starts wiggling behind me, breathing hard, you get the idea. :

Sex is absoutely the last thing I'm interested in right now. It's great to be living with a 40 year old who's acting like he's 14. When I tell him that I'm not even 4 weeks pp and please cut me some slack he acts like I've just said I don't love him and we are never having sex again.

I've spoken to him about this behavior several times and each time he says, "Some women would be grateful to have a husband so attracted to them."

:

[KayasMama04]

i know this isnt my ddc but just had to pipe in...hope thats okay
he seems really insensitive...that would more then irratate me. I know my spouse waited more then 10weeks before I was ready and he was 19 lol. You just had a baby, tell him how you feel.

[lolar2]

Not my DDC either but I do have an idea that might possibly help. I don't have living children, but I had a very late 2nd-trimester miscarriage and was given the standard six-weeks postpartum waiting period, which was about what I felt I needed. So DH and I made one of those construction paper chains to last six weeks (you might want to hide it if you have other DC and don't want to explain!) and tore off a loop every night until it was okay to have intercourse again. It turned the waiting into something sort of fun instead of pure frustration/ rejection feelings for DH, and also kept him from asking "how much longer" since he could just look at the chain. Of course I still took care of him in other ways in the meantime, but I have heard that's unappealing when there is an actual baby in the equation.

[Shenandoah]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Of course I still took care of him in other ways in the meantime, but I have heard that's unappealing when there is an actual baby in the equation.

He'd be thrilled if I'd "take care of him." I'm not a fan of that in general and don't even want to think about it right now.

He's being fantastic in all other respects, especially in caring for our older children. He complains about no time to himself and I really suspect it is more to tell me what a great martyr, oh I mean father, he's being right now.

[katie9143]

haha - this made me chuckle. my fiance will cuddle up behind me in bed and "pokes"...which is amusing - sort of

or....another favorite is him saying something to the effect of - ok lets put the second one in....YAH RIGHT!! i usually remind him of the 6 or so stitches in my hoohaa that he watched them put there and that usually shuts him up pretty fast!

[meggles]

It's the other way around here. I found myself thinking the other day, "Hmm, I kind of feel like having sex...," before I remembered that I'm still bleeding, have 40+ stiches that are still healing, and I'm generally just not allowed to for another 3 weeks at least. :

[blastomom]

Huby knows that if he ever wants to have sex with me again he'll back off and give me time to heal and get my libido back. Have you discussed this with him when he's not arroused? Guys can get all hurt and pouty when the are turned down but he may actually get what you are saying if you bring up the subject at a more "neutral" time. If not, plant a number of ice buckets in strategic places (next to the bed, the couch, the hood of the car, etc.) where he keeps cornering you and give his crotch a nice gatorade shower the next time he gets too rubby.

[Shenandoah]

Thanks for the support and suggestions ladies.

Well, I think I finally found a solution. I showed him my hemerroids. I don't think he'll bother me again for a while.

[swtpesq]

Originally Posted by Shenandoah

Thanks for the support and suggestions ladies.

Well, I think I finally found a solution. I showed him my hemerroids. I don't think he'll bother me again for a while.

[see_nelle_run]

Originally Posted by Shenandoah

Well, I think I finally found a solution. I showed him my hemerroids. I don't think he'll bother me again for a while.

laughup :

[memz]

Originally Posted by Shenandoah

Thanks for the support and suggestions ladies.

Well, I think I finally found a solution. I showed him my hemerroids. I don't think he'll bother me again for a while.

[Shantimama]

Good for you! Maybe he needed that concrete reminder that you aren't being "mean" but that you really aren't ready. Some men just don't get it.

[klg47]

Originally Posted by Shenandoah

I've spoken to him about this behavior several times and each time he says, "Some women would be grateful to have a husband so attracted to them."
:

I'm not in your DDC, but just saw this thread. It's so funny how a lot of the times we have what someone ELSE wants I would love to have that behavior from my dh He made me wait TWELVE weeks after our first was born to resume intercourse!!! After our second, it was around 3 weeks, but I had no perineal trauma at all.

Regardless of what I want from my dh, the important thing here is that he is not respecting you - sorry mama I hope he figures it out soon!

[Brisen]

:

I'm glad you found something that worked to get your message across.

Dh and I have been in a similar situation, except the other way around. It really, really hurt at first, even though in my head I knew that he was just really tired and stressed. I knew it was pointless to be angry at him, and in his shoes, I would be upset if he couldn't accept my feelings, but man, it was hard not to feel hurt and rejected and upset at him. It just took some time for me to work through it.

[michellemk]

For some women, sex can be uncomfortable for much longer than the 6 week recovery period. I had to research a bit after my DS was born because it took a whole year before I could physically tolerate sex, and a couple more months before it was fun. It hurt like hell! I originally thought that I must have scars or something from some slight tearing and stitches, but I later learned that the pain was related to hormones that come with breastfeeding. It was after DS started to really started to eat solid food that it became more comfortable. So it wasn't that I was just not interested, but that I was miserable. Luckily DH is super supportive and sensitive to my feelings. He'd rather I be into it than do it just to please him. Happy to report that we had at least 9 months of hot sex before we conceived again... now for the whole pregnancy sex thing.

[STBSM]

I/WE learned the hard way. We realized there is a reason they tell you not to have sex before 4 weeks PP. Yeah ok, I thought I was good, didnt listen and by the way I tore during birth and had stitches and others (long horrible story) So I was in so much pain, couldnt even finsih or basically begin what we started. He back off for almost 2 more months after that

But a funny story to tell.......

When we finally came home from the hospital, I had a hard time getting my angel to take to the breast no matter what we did she didnt seem intrested but we kept trying. My milk came in the day after we got home. I was sleeping in the Nursery in this HUGE overstuffed chair with our DD and he came in when she woke up hungry and saw I had nothing but a tank top on and said "HOLY SHI*, Look at those things, I was like WHAT??" My chest felt heavy but I had no idea. WOW, I got up to look in the mirror and I felt LIKE ROCKS and I was in so much Pain and I was like, WELL LETS GET Busy Makenzi and still it was a struggle. But the look on EX's face when he saw how big I was, he said he was in HEAVEN, OF COURSE they were stricly off limits all the way but he got a kick out of looking at me.