We fought in front of poor DS....

[mamadiezel]

Hi mamas!
Long time lurker (or I could say learner) and first time poster.
I hate for this to be my first post but I'm just feeling the need to share with someone!
DH and I had a pretty big fight in front of our 11 month old DS last night and I feel awful about it! In fact, the tears are still welling up just thinking about it!
Our nit-picking and arguing last evening eventually escalated into yelling, crying and such and it freaked poor DS out! Of course, he seemed fine and went right back to playing when we calmed down but that doesn't help how guilty I feel. I just remember how awful it was when my parents fought when I was a kid....
Have learned a lesson and will be sure to try to never let myself get to that point again - but am just feeling the need to tell someone.
Thanks so much for letting me share my feelings, mamas!!

[Getz]

Sometimes that happens. But, you can also make sure you and DH show affection for each in front of DS. Kids need to know that their parents do have disagreements but can work them out (though, I know an 11 mo old won't get all that).

DH and I get like that too, we try to talk things out before they get to a boiling point but it doesn't always happen.

It will be ok! And welcome to MDC!

[LuxPerpetua]

Bless your heart! Is there any way that you and dh can work on preventing things from escalating to that point again? The reason I ask is that my parents had some really heated fights in front of me growing up and they terrified me. I don't want anyone else going through that. Maybe you could talk together about ways to cool down and keep things calm--like right down what you're upset about rather than talk about it when emotions are running high. I hope you guys get a system that works. For me and dh, whenever one of our voices rises in pitch, the other calls us on it and we agree to stop talking and just breathe. We don't discuss it again until we can be calm. Hopefully, you can both learn to focus your anger more positively, especially since you are modeling behavior for your child.

[mamalisa]

I honestly don't believe that their is anything wrong with fighting in front of a child. It shows that even mommy and daddy lose it sometimes. That you can have a fight without screaming, yelling or hitting. It shows how people resolve issues, come to an agreement and apologize. All of these are important things to know.

The problem is when people do yell, scream, hit, namecall and don't apologize. That's not a healthy way to argue. My dh never saw his parents disagree and when we had our first fight as a couple he thought we would break up. Over something that was resolved quite easily. He thought that when adults were in a relationship, they just agree. Soooo not true!

So as long as you are fighting fair and rationally and taking the right actions to resolve the conflict and apologize after, I have no issues with a good arguement in front of the kids.

[Owachi]

Don't feel bad. Your ds is only 11 months old....he won't remember it. Once he gets a little older you may want to take your arguing out of the room......everyone argues sometime....even me and my dh, who is an absolutely perfect angel.

[wife&mommy]

Our son is 18 months and we really try not to do this but its so hard sometimes! Don't beat yourself up over it just continue to try and do better with it!