toy guns rant

[JamesMama]

James' birthday party was last night, there were some other kids here and they found a toy gun that belongs to my 10 y/o brother, when I bought my mom's van it was left in there and I keep forgetting to take it to her house, so I hand it to her and say "Don't forget this, I don't want it here." and they all look at me like I've grown 4 heads. My mom then says "Why? Brother doesn't need it, James can keep it." I say "No, he cannot. We will not have guns in this house." and she says "Are you serious? Well then he'll play with guns at my house because we have every toy gun you can think of."

Now I'm usually VERY lienant as to what I let James have, I don't mind the annoying plastic flashy light toys, I don't mind the annoying character toys or stupid character books or anything like that. The ONLY thing I say no about is Guns/War play. No guns, no GI Joe, no bombers, no war toys, no weapons.

Why is THAT such an issue? I told my mom if she buys him a gun it will get taken away. My GMIL agreed with me thankfully, my MIL the said that her boys have guns. I said thats fine if thats what you choose, I don't want my kids to have guns. Whats the big deal? I don't say no to ANYTHING else. You should see the mountain of plastic toys from Christmas and his birthday, I really couldn't care less. I just don't want GUNS!!!

I really hope they don't push this issue...

[NiteNicole]

First, I totally agree with you. We don't do toy guns.

However -

"Don't forget this, I don't want it here."

I think it may have been your wording that put her off. Your mom still has a small child and I would imagine she's as sensitive as the rest of us moms when it comes to having her choices criticized, even indirectly. Maybe, "Hey, I'm putting this in your car for you to take home" or even just "Don't forget this" could've avoided the whole thing. And later, just explain that you've chosen not to have toy guns in a way that doesn't seem to criticize her or her choices.

Like I said, I agree with you and would take a hard stand if needed, but if I could do it without causing any hard feelings I'd try that first.

[oceanbaby]

I don't/won't buy toy guns. Ds has never been given a toy gun, as everyone knows that I do not want them in my house. I don't let ds watch even the most slightly violent of shows. I don't encourage violent play. However, as the pacifist mother of a 5.5yo boy, I would like to suggest that this statement . . .

The ONLY thing I say no about is Guns/War play. No guns, no GI Joe, no bombers, no war toys, no weapons.

is probably unrealistic. It is highly likely that at some point your son is going to pick up a stick and make shooting noises with it. You will be completely shocked and have no idea where this came from. It is a reality for most boys that they will engage in war/gun/bomb/weapon play. It will be played on the playground, in school yards, and at the most AP/GD playgroups.

My very first reaction was to completely disallow it. I quickly realized that this was problematic. First, I turned what was just an innocent imitation of something that he didn't even understand into something very powerful. Secondly, what exactly do you do when they point their finger at something and say bam bam? Take away their finger? It just isn't very realistic.

There have been several fascinating threads on MDC about boys and gun play, and I learned a lot from them. Playful Parenting has a good section about this.

Our only rule about gun/violent play is that ds has to make sure the other child is comfortable and wants to engage in the play as well. Ds is not super violent in his play, and he usually calls the weapon his "shooter." I think I've heard him say the word "gun" three times, and once was when we were talking with a police officer who was handing out stickers. He knows that I don't like it, and we don't play it together.

I also wanted to mention my personal opinion that by banning gun play only makes it all that much more fascinating. And I feel that this is dangerous, because it makes it that much more likely that he would want to check it out, and that much less likely that he would tell me about it.

But, I don't think that means you have to allow toy guns in your house. I don't. Ds found a tiny one at the playground one day, one that would be part of an action hero set. He LOVED that stupid thing, and played with it for days. And then one day when I realized he hadn't played with it for awhile I made it disappear.

Anyway, this is my long winded way of saying that I think you don't need to allow toys guns in your house, but there's more to the issue of gun play than meets the eye, and that a straight out ban may not necessarily work out the way you want it to.

[MtBikeLover]

We don't allow toy guns in our house, but that hasn't stopped DS from turning every single thing into a gun - the latest has been a ball of playdoh. And I have tried the Playful Parenting approach (Love Gun) but that got me nowhere.

So now, I try to just ignore it. But if he points anything at me, I tell him how much it would hurt me if he shot me. And if his younger sister doesn't want to play, then I tell him he is not allowed to do it to her.

And the talking about guns and violence is driving me insane. Every morning on the way to preschool, he talks about guns. So i just keep reiterating that guns are dangerous and can hurt people and I don't like it when you play with toy ones because sometimes the toy ones look real. His suggestion - "Let's paint the toy ones a different color so they don't look real."