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Ever have (or had) the fear you weren't going to survive this?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Although this is a pretty irrational fear, I guess...in a way I would be surprised if everyone didn't have a least a twinge of it.

But still. I've been in the hospital 2 times in the last two weeks for dehydration from vomiting/diarrhea, it's terrifying to eat, I'm starting to get twin-big now with all the discomforts that go along with that. Add to that all the medical interventions that have been going on with these guys, and I feel so worn out. The last time I was in the hospital I almost wished for it to be over right then and there, because I'm maxing out on what I can take.

Now it looks like I'll have even more monitoring, because my liver enzymes are up, and I'm experiencing really slow healing of bruises, ect. My blood pressure is up a smidgin but not much, so my doctor is not freaking out about pre-ecclampsia/HELLP, but she's wanting to be cautious. I just feel like I can't take anymore. Had to schedule a amnio for lung maturity in a few weeks, and because Tom is breech-transverse (he's the one closest to my cervix) and Dylan is full out transverse we are going the way of scheduled c-section (though my OB wants me to do an ultrasound right before, just to make sure they don't turn on their own...I think she is worried about the bleeding issue and would really prefer me not to have a cesarean, but my body is...well...getting sicker and sicker, so we have a limited time frame here).

I am starting to get angry, too. This is supposed to be a normal, natural function of my body. Why the hell can't it get something right? Why does it feel like it's falling apart? And why am I being continually blessed by running into people who either A) don't understand/harshly judge all medical interventions, regardless of need...or B) don't understand why I would be upset/disappointed over any of them? Luckily my OB went through a difficult time with her first, so there is someone I can talk to face to face and just bitch/vent to...but...bleah. It feels like I'm already suffering from PPD, and the real work (two newborns + a 16 mo. old) hasn't even started yet. :/
post #2 of 8
My heart goes out to you, Tigerchild. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be, both physically and emotionally, and before your twins have even arrived!

Don't be too hard on yourself. Carrying twins is not a "normal, natural" thing for your body to do (in the sense that it should happen without a hitch). Heck, many women find singleton pregnancies to be a huge burden on their bodies.

Hang in there, mama!!
post #3 of 8
I didn't have any problems with my pregnancy but I can totally understand why you feel the way you do. By my calculations you are 36 weeks and this is where it gets tough. I'm sure it's not easy to think you may have to go with a c-sec but try to remember that healthy babies are your goal (my OB was willing to try inversion for the bottom one if he went breech). They may not even need to be in the NICU at this point (mine were in the hospital for 10 days but we made it through, breastfeeding and all). Be as positive and relaxed as you can and that will help with your physical as well as emotional self. Do you have anyone to help with your dd? Can your dp take some time off after the twins are born? Life will be crazy at first and you can either fight it or learn to go with the flow (took me a couple of months to figure this out ). Don't schedule too much at first but try to get out of the house when you can. For us, a ride in the car made a world of difference on the really insane days. When you think you just can't take it anymore try to remember that "This too shall pass" and come back here for support .
post #4 of 8
Oh, Mama, I feel your pain! But you're almost done! I remember in the last few weeks of pg feeling very strongly that human bodies were not meant to have more than one baby at a time. I didn't think my body would make it. But it did! I survived! I had to be hospitalized a lot at the end due to preterm labor, and I remember thinking "maybe it would be nicer if we just let them come out NOW," but of course I was also incredibly relieved when my contractions could be stopped. I ended up making it to my scheduled section (both babies breech) at 38 weeks. The last three weeks seemed to last a lifetime, and I got pretty depressed thinking that the babies would never be born. But, after they did finally come out, I could hardly remember what it felt like to be pg, let alone those last few weeks. And I didn't have any ppd--I was so elated to not be pg anymore!

I do hope that you'll have someone to help you during the first four weeks at least. If you don't already, is there anyone you could get to help you out? The next few months will be a challenge to say the least. But one day you'll wake up and your 3 babies will all be smiling at you and you'll feel pretty well-rested, and you'll realize that you survived!

Good luck, mama!

Lex
post #5 of 8
I had written a great response to you a couple of days ago and then the computer shut down!

I wanted to say that I have been there and you WILL survive! I had so many complications during my pregnancy. I was diagnosed and treated for cancer. My cervix shortened and we put in a cerclage. They thought I miscarried and for 15 hours we thought we had lost both babies. I had a car wreck and was hospitalized when it brought on preterm labor. I was put on bedrest several times during the pregnancy.

Most of all, I suffered from what I called PREnatal depression. I had so many women that were only carrying one baby that said they had it too!

That last month is so hard, but soon they will be here and all your troubles (well, all the pregnancy troubles) will melt away to the reality of caring for all of your new and old children.

I had the "scheduled" c/s too so if you want to talk about that pm me. I'll give you my number via pm if you ever want to talk. My husband just got through cutting the video of the girls' birth and I just watched it for the first time. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better experience.
post #6 of 8
Man do I remember what you are going through! I didn't have any problems really with any of the pregnancy just extrem discomfort! Did anyone inform you of the Dr. Thomas Brewer diet? It includes eating 4,000 calories per day and up to 150 g of protein per day to sustain a healthy placenta, avoid high blood pressure and many other issues! It completely worked for me and my midwife said they have never had a mom of multiples or a singleton mom have problems that have followed this diet. I also drank about 4 cans of Ensure per day to get the caloried and protein I needed because like you it was extremly difficult to eat. I also remember near the end just wanting it to be over and even wanting induction or a c-section and I am very much against those. I also had a terrible fear of the birth and I had never felt that before. You know though when the day arrived and I went into labor it all went so quickly and I tok total control and the fear dissappeared! I too became angry at all the stress tests and extra ultrsounds, etc. but I have two full-term (39 weeks and 5 days) healthy babies to show for it aand that makes it worth all the pain and suffering I went through! If you need to talk and/or want daily positive words please feel free to email me! Good luck and hang in there!
Angie
post #7 of 8
I went into pre-ecclampsia at about the point you are at...I think your body reaches a point where it realizes it's carrying more than it bargained for and really starts having a hard time. Yes, pregnancy is normal and natural, but carrying twins is hard on it. Give yourself credit that you've gotten this far! You are one tough mama! 36 weeks and five days was a far as I got, and the last two weeks were just hell. It was hard to breathe, sit down, stand up, or even move. I had the scheduled c-section too (which I was not happy about) because they were both breech.

But Angie is right--once they babies are there and you start healing , you forget about the stupid c-section and all the icky stuff.
post #8 of 8






I remember threatening that I would jump up and down untill they came out. They finally did by C-section (my DD was breech and in distress) and they were (are!) beautiful and in the NICU for 6 weeks (I developed a very intimate relationship with a medela pump!). The end of the pregnancy was awful! We are not equipped to handle two...much less three or four or five or six or SEVEN. Think Bobbie McCaughey.
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