My Mantra
I've been saying over and over to myself every day, "I can do this. I believe in my body. I trust my body. I can do it. I will do it."
I've also been analyzing every little bit of my first labor. While it might seem (especially to dh) that I am second guessing myself and my decisions the first time, I am really just trying to understand what happened.
At the time it just seemed that everything happened so fast, and I didn't have a choice in the matter. I might not have had that choice, either. We weren't in a terribly friendly environment, and we were both completely inexperienced and were forced to trust our care providers.
Well, I have the time and inclination to think about it I'm making a lot of different choices. I'm putting the control for my care back into my hands. I'm not giving it up.
And I'm working on my self-confidence. As another heavy-set mama, I am also fighting our culture's opinion that large people are somehow less capable than thin people. Having to combat that in addition to the feelings of inadequacy I got when I had to have a c/s is a daunting task sometimes. But I'm facing it none the less.
I can do this. I have faith in my body to do it's job. I can do this...
