Question for anyone that has adopted a prenatally exposed baby?

[mykdsmomy]

Hi mamas. I'm a foster parent veteran. We also have 4 children of our own. Our youngest is adopted. He's 3 now but we've had him since birth.
He has some special needs as a result of some prenatal drug exposure.

Up until now, I hadnt thought of how or when I would even need to tell him he was prenatally exposed but as he's getting older, his problems are more pronounced. I know there will come a day when he asks "why" he is the way he is. What do I say? How do we handle this? I guess I'm just starting to freak out about this now......especially since we've had some in home OT services for him and my other children have heard the term "prenatally drug exposed".

books, suggestions, websites? Thanks mamas......

[Buddhamom]

My daughter has numrous mdical conditions due to being exposed prenatally so I know how you feel. We will just tell her the truth because it is part of her story. Obviously you must make it age appropriate so you don't scare them. I suppose you could say something like this, "when you were in b-mom's (insert name) tummy she did something that got inside her tummy and that means it got inside you too." And maybe you could add that she didn't know it would hurt them or didn't know they were in her tummy if that was the case.

[MCR]

Even though Dd was prenatally exposed It isn't something I will be telling her as part of her "story" at such a young age. To me it would seem to much like, placing the blame on the bios for whats "wrong" with my child. To me she's perfect and when she hears her story, it'll be how her birth mom couldn't look after her and so blah blah blah happened. and we were lucky enough to become her forver family.
Many problems happen in bio kids with no prenatal exposure, so who knows. My oldest is the result of a very healthy preganacy and healthy me, no drugs ever, yet he shows many signs as if he were drug exposed.
I also feel that if this is told to a child, some would try to use it as an excuse for not being able to do things, I don't want my child(ren) to stop trying or not try hard enough to succeed in life.
Some things are not child appropriate in my eyes.

[OnTheFence]

I am definitely waiting until later, probably the teen years if I feel he is able to handle it all. Definitely not before that. I don't want him to define who he is by what happen to him prenatally -- I also don't want a child to use that as an excuse for making the wrong choices either.

[Buddhamom]

Later is dfinitely a better choice, but the OP said what if the child asks why. You have to be honest, well, I mean you don't have to be, but to me I would be honest at that point, but age appropriate with words. I am curious to hear what others would say if their child point blank came out and asked.