threats

[tandemmama]

A friend of mine has taken to threatening my children the same way that she threatens her own 2 yo. Things like "if you don't stop crying, I'll have to stop the car and leave you on the side of the road" or "You better listen or the big bad monster will come eat you up" this is all done in a light sing-song voice, so it's like she thinks it's cute..but I don't find it amusing at all. And while I would prefer that my children not even hear her saying this to her child, I definitely don't want it said to my children. I've told her "we don't use threats like that, because my kids take it literally and it upsets them". I thought that would stop it, but it's such a habit for her, I don't think she even thinks about it. I also get irritated because she'll use more realistic threats too "If you can't be nice, we'll have to go home" but she NEVER follows through. She'll tell her daughter a trillion times that if she does something again, she'll take her home/take the toy away, etc. but never does it. I guess this is more of a vent, because I don't see what advice I'm looking for, maybe just an understanding ear?

I plan on saying something about the irrational threats every time she makes them, hoping that eventually she'll get the point.

[Piglet68]

You might want to have a talk with your children, explaining to them why you disagree with what your friend says. It may be easier to get them to understand, than your friend, or so it seems.

Or maybe you should "threaten" your friend, too. Like saying "now, friend, if you don't stop threatening my kids we'll leave YOU by the side of the road". Say it in a silly voice, after a few times maybe she'll get the picture!

[Alexander]

Not following through is a serious matter. It is one of those things that trains children to ignore their parents. So she is doing you a magor dis-service.

I have actually had this same problem.

My solution.

To clearly explain in detail, face to face, with no children around, my parenting philosophy, and the reprocussions of not complying with my wishes.

To acknowledge that it is habitual, and that I'm going to remind her every chance I have.

To interupt the moment I hear the wrong words coming out of the mouth with "Just a minute baby..."


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[tandemmama]

I agree. I'm soo not a confrontational person, so it will be hard for me to bring up the subject on more than joking grounds, but for the sake of my children....

I also agree about her not following through. I have been really careful to never make "threats" that I don't intend to follow through on, and I'm sure I've looked like a mean mommy to people when I've taken my children home after promising to do so.

maybe next time she threatens to take dd home, and she still commits the offense her mother asked her to stop, I'll butt in and say "uh oh, looks like you're leaving now! I'm sorry we can't play with you more today, but we'll see you another time! Thank you for coming over!" and then mommy will *have* to follow through

[shanleysmama]

LOL, Piglet68, that's a good one: threaten to leave friend by the side of the road. Wonder if she'd even pick up on it, LOL.
Seems this friend makes threats that her child knows will never happen (getting left by the side of the road), just like the toy will never be taken away. DD knows that mom talks but doesn't act.

Guess she'll be pretty surprised tandemmama when you jump up from the couch and start packing her bags to go.

Melanie