Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
Exactly. Especially considering the fact that the inlaws are hostile to the OP to start with. If I were in that position (and I kind of am, my wealthy inlaws also dislike me and always have) if he accepted even 25 CENTS from them in that context I'd be furious. It's not the money, it's the attitude of "here's 25 cents, don't tell your nasty golddigging wife about it, son."
I really sympathize... we are going thru some similar stuff...
Originally Posted by hipumpkins
BSD..that is exactly it.
and than to not have him stand up for me. Not that he ever has so why should I think he would now but we've been over these issues about his parents so many times b/c they can actually be crue to me and he jsut lets it happen.
BTW..I am a good eprson and have never given him reason not to trust me. His parents don't trust me and he is too lame to stand up to them or go against them . It is infuriating.
I am always really stricken when I see things I'm going thru so neatly laid out in another person's life. Dh also has lied in the past about money... I wonder if it's a product of that 'privaledged life', and an embedded perception that money = stuff = success. He will cash a whole pay check, (well over a thousand dollars, and then just walk around with the money in his wallet; he likes to feel wealthy, I guess). I recently (today) found out he has an account I
never knew about. I was pissed. Not about money, but that he had an account and just neglected to tell me... it made me feel weird, like I was flying blind, and didn't know it. I'm supposed to be responsible for bill-pays, and budgeting, and we struggle... is there money he isn't telling me about, that we could use, that he is witholding??
Additionally, on the flipside
: My dad was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor (WHOLE other thread) and went on a mad dash to make financial arrangments, fix his will, etc, and turned over to me a mutual fund he's been paying into for 13 years, and forgot to turn over to me 10 years ago when he was supposed to. So a comparable amount of cash just landed at our door. I admit: I waffled on whether or not to tell him...
We've been under great anxiety and having a hard time, and I actually thought of not telling him, so that I always have a back door plan. THEN, I went one further, to think if I just out and tell him in total, he'd have the money spent in his head on all his mi$take$ and debt, before the ink was dry on the paperwork. So I eased him into it... first I told him it was some
money, and that I didn't know the total, (which, I didn't, at first), but it wasn't hugely life-changing. Then, the next day, I said, well I think it was more like (an amount about half of what it was estimated as). I watched how he reacted, and he was reasonable. When I DID reveal the whole amount to him, he admitted if I hadn't eased him into it, he woulda had a field day spending it mentally...