Originally Posted by reducereuserecycle
Should DH and I take this one to our grave? Of course, I would like to tell the baby the truth and I can't imagine telling it that he/she was born through an UC, but then saying, "Don't tell anyone because we lied to them all and said you were born at home with a midwife in attendance." I just need some suggestions.
i think you have time to work things out before you hit the grave!
one of the characteristics of the last week(s) of pregnancy is this sense of wanting everything settled, so you can relax in your nest with your baby. for most this means cleaning out closets at 37weeks, for me it meant doing the taxes the second week of january (due 1/27, but she came 1/19 and i had suspected she would be early). for you it seems to be settling your story.
i'd advise similar to what others have said. say the midwife wasn't there, then distract the questioners: ask them a question "can you be a dear and get me xxxx?" "isn't little schmoopy adorible when s/he inhales?" "don't you think s/he looks just like FIL?" if they ask for a blow by blow of the birth, you can say it's still all so jumbled in your head, you're just not ready to tell about it. classic polite miss manners responses to nosey parkers. remember, it isn't their business
, you get to choose what personal info you want to share, just as if someone asked you: "do you and dh like to have sex in the kitchen?" you're not obligated to reply.
by the time baby (well, child by then!) is old enough to be told about the birth, you'll feel more decided about what to say. you'll probably feel more confident about your choice, and won't mind sharing it, or you'll continue to keep it private (and i specifically am not saying "secret," anymore than saying you keep it a "secret" how you bathe or have sex or whatever: it's just private, unless you feel unprivate about it!) and by the time you'd tell dc, you may feel ok about telling her/him "we don't tell some people about this part, because we feel they won't understand, and would worry unecessarily about it." then you're just teaching dc about privacy, not how to lie. and you can talk about how society views birth as a medical emergency, but you view it as something normal, safe and private (i'm making assuptions here, but most people who'd UC have that viewpoint). and it's not
lying to let people's assumptions go uncorrected, unless for some reason they are truly entitled
to the information (like marital fidelity, etc.)
good luck and a wonderful birth to you!