If you and your dp died. . .

[Chinese Pistache]

who would you legally authorize to raise your children? What qualities would these guardians need to have? Have you chosen anyone?

I ask because dh and I have gone round and round about this. I know we need to get this stuff in writing, but we keep procrastinating because we're not completely happy with any of our choices ('cause no one's better than *us* for our kids?!) : I'm really worried about making the wrong choice. So tell me your experiences so we can somehow make this decision and get it formalized. Thanks.

[~member~]

Right now, my mother is listed, and in the event she is deceased or unable, then one of my sisters is listed.

[Lynnseedoil]

BIL and SIL. They're the people who turned us on to AP. They're awesome and they have kids around the same age.

[Snowdrift]

I don't know.

Ideally, DD's godfather, but he is a widower in his 50's with a couple of chronic illnesses. As is stands now, he is in charge of any medical decisions (for us and DD) if we're incapacitated, but for long-term? There's no one.

[DragonflyBlue]

I have no clue...

There is no one, and I mean no one we would trust our kids to or if we did, they'd not be able to take them in.

It would be a cold day in hell before my mom or his got them. My dad and stepmom as well as dh's are not in the position to take them. My oldest ds and his wife cannot take them.

We have no close friends we'd want to raise our kids.

So it is settled. We just are refusing to die until the kids are grown.

Janis

[MissAnnThrope]

We are thinking about Bil. We feel that if he was the one to raise our children he will be the closest to raising them the way we would. He has done so many grate things so far with his life and the woman he is seeing is also awesome and I'm sure she will be AP, GD, and NFL, so it just seems like the best choice. Dh don't want to admit it but him and his brother are very much alike.

[twin monkeys]

BIL & SIL they share so many values that we do. They would still let them have contact with other family members. They are the perfect match for us we also will take their kids if anything happens to them. If something happens to us then to them after they have our kids they go to SIL sis who loves them all and who again is in line with all our values

[PikkuMyy]

It's tricky. My mom would certainly be on the list but not for long-term. For long-term, I'd have to say our best friend married couple. They are both our ages, and have many of the same philosophies, etc. as us. They are a lot more mainstream, but they'd love our kids like crazy no matter what. And I'm teaching my friend about more and more AP and NFL stuff all the time.

[~Megan~]

I don't want his parents for many reasons, they have such different ideas about raising kids that I can't even consider it.

Not my parents, my dad is bipolar and the kids don't need to be around that full time.

He has one set of siblings that don't have kids yet but have similar ideas as us and would respect our wishes, I think.

Now all we have to do is ask them.

[Ilaria]

My parents. They are loving and genuinely want to be around them.
My ILs would manage the trust though.

[dani76]

We can't decide. We both have single sisters who we have considered. It used to be his parents, but his mom had a bad brain injury. That kind of takes them off of the list. (FIL has his hands full now.) But something horrible can happen with a blink of an eye, so we really need to set something up.

[trinity6232000]

I'm in the middle of finalizing my will. I chose my Father to raise my dd. As my Father and I share a house and this is where she has lived her whole life. If my Father falls ill, can't handle it, or passes then my brother is named as my second choice for guardianship.

When I started thinking about all this my Father was an easy choice. My dd looks to my Father as her Father (make sense, looks weird when I type it). But naming my Brother was harder. Not because I don't think he would do the best job in the world, but because of everything "people" tell you about choosing a guardian. Like you should choose a couple, or somebody with children. My brother is in a very serious committed relationship, I love his girlfriend, but I don't think they plan on marriage. They don't have children, and don't have any plans on having children.
But they love my dd, and have the same ideals on life as I do. Plus my dd is very fond of them as well. So I followed my heart. It also helped that all I had to do is mention it to my brother and he volunteered himself with a lot of heart. That took away the scariness of asking.

[Sharlla]

I guess it woud be my inlaws. we don't really have any other options than that.

[eldadeedlit]

I wanted my ILs but my DH felt that it wouldn't be fair to ask them to raise our kids, since they are older and should be "done" with kids. So far we haven't made a will, but we are leaning toward DH's aunt and uncle in CT, who have a young daughter. they don't know this yet, though! However, if my sister ever gets married, I might change my mind.. But I wouldn't want to burden her with three more children to raise on her own!

Ugh I hate the thought of dying, though, especially before our children are grown. Major phobia for me. I can barely talk about it without having a panic attack.

[nicole lisa]

We haven't decided. We wouldn't ask either my or BF's parents because they've raised their children and we don't want them to feel obligated.

BF's sister and husband are great and have two of their own children who DS loves, but they're Christian (church several times a week, yoth ministry etc), which is not our religion and ideally we want DS to be in more familiar surroundings.

My brother is one of my best friends and I adore him and DS adores him and he adores DS. But he's really trying to get his writing career off the ground and I would hate to interfere with that. It's so important to him and he's really talented and I know he'd put it aside and get a day job if we were to die and he had agreed to raise DS. I don't want to see that happen.

So for now we remain undecided.

[ChristyH]

DH and I really need to get this done, we keep talking about it but nothing is on paper yet.

More than likely my sister and BIL would take them, they have children close in age and are great parents. They are also finacially set and able to support them if need be, and they would make sure they stayed close to my parents too so they could have a family support system.
My Inlaws would be another option, they were very young parents and are young grandparents so they would be able to handle young children for a while unlike my dad who is approaching 70 and there is no way he could handle them.
I would love to be able to let my mom take them but there is no way I would let my children be raised in a house with my stepdad, he can be a wonderful man but he suffers from mental illness and when he's not on his meds he is a horror and I will not let my children be raised in a house where I was terrified as a child.

[newmommy]

52 year old Aunt-In-Law is Guardian 1.
DH's Sister is the Alternative Guardian.

It's the best we can do.

[phathui5]

Dh and I have finally settled on who we want to ask to be the kids' guardians. Now it's a matter of asking them. They would be the perfect "candidate" as far as our criteria is concerned. They live in the same state as us, so the kids would still be near most of the extended family. They're serious Christians. They homeschool and practice gentle discipline, so we know they won't put the kids in school/daycare or spank/be unkind to them. The kids like them (important!). Their 4th child (12 years) spends the night here roughly other week and helps me with the kids/house for a couple of days. Ds just had his very first sleepover Monday night. It was with them and he's already asking when he can go back.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by JanisB

It would be a cold day in hell before my mom or his got them.

You might want to check on the laws on that - they might be first in line with no one designated.

We have a friend of ours as guardian. She's actually our third in 12 years. We have found that as the kids grow and people's circumstances (and ours) change, that the former best person may not be the current best person. We revisit the issue every few years.

[Peony]

My mom, we don't have a back up in case my mom couldn't do it. There is no one else that we trust.