More Positive Adoption Thread

[Starr]

A while ago there was a thread, not in the adoption forum, about similar behavioural habits that children do that mimick their parents. Just odd little quirks, you know. I thought it would be fun for us to do it also. Just a positive adoption thread of how your adopted child(ren) do things that are so like you and your SO or other family members. I'll go first.

Dh is the youngest of three boys. They all look alike, all played football, all wrestled, just very solid guys. When we all get together and eat his oldest brother always has a thing about rubbing his stomach when he is done. I have no clue why. Over the years we have teased him about it relentlessly. Well last time we were all together Olivia finsihed eating, as she got down to play she proudly lifted up her shirt and started rubbing her belly. It was so cute. So now we have a picture of both of them rubbing their stomachs.

If you've ever seen the movie Shallow Hal, there is a character in it that has a longer second toe. Well my second toe is longer also and DH has always called me weird for it and that only intensified after he saw the movie. While we were in Guatemala I went to put some little sandals on Olivia and behold her second toe is longer also. I know its pretty common but it was just the excitement of having her and seeing something similar that always stuck with me.

Both Dh and Olivia have a collick in their hair in the exact same spot.

Dh has a bad habit of smelling food before he eats it. When we first introduced her to solids what did she do? She wanted to sniff it before she would open her mouth, and she still does today.

I'm sure I'll think of more but every now and then I will watch her and think that is so DH or so like my mom, just little stuff that gets to me.

[fenwickmama]

i'll be back!

[Sarahbunny]

DD is only 4 months, so not a whole lot of comparisons yet, BUT she is definitely spirited and very dramatic, just like her mama.

And, not that it matters to me, but she is my carbon copy. Which is nice, but...sometimes I don't like people telling me that if they know she is adopted. It's like they are trying to make me feel "better" with tht statement. Anyone know what i mean?

[sesa70]

Originally Posted by Sarahbunny

And, not that it matters to me, but she is my carbon copy. Which is nice, but...sometimes I don't like people telling me that if they know she is adopted. It's like they are trying to make me feel "better" with tht statement. Anyone know what i mean?

Yes I do! My grandmother is always doing this exact thing. I'll say she likes rice, she feels the need to interject "just like her daddy" or I'll say she has beautiful dark curls where her sister has straight blonde hair, and how I am lucky to have them both, and she'll say "my sister was a brunette and I was a blond" things like that, somehow she has to find a way that she mirrors our bio fam.

[Sarahbunny]

Unfortunately, my statements have been more direct, as in "She does look just like you - you'd never know she was (whispered voice) adopted or "She looks just like you! Even though I know she isn't related to you at all."

I don't care if people know or not, it just seems like they are trying to give me a consolation prize or something. Like they are saying..."well, yes, unfortunately she is adopted, but thank God you can't tell! Think how bad it would be if she looked like she wasn't from your very womb." :

Gah...people can be very annoying. I'm feeling sensitive about it lately...we had a incident with dh's grandmother a few weeks ago, so that's probably why.

ETA: Obviously when I said "my statements have been more direct", I meant statements made TO me, not statements that I have made.

[BCFD]

Sarah, do I totally understand!! My middle daughter is seriously a carbon copy of my DP. DP is hispanic and our DD is 1/2, maybe 1/4 hispanic. DD's birthmom is caucasian (probably Irish, German, English, etc.). Even birthmom told DP that our DD looks more like DP than herself. Right down to the color of her hair and they have the EXACT same type of curls. Their skin color is spot on....the exact same beautiful shade of buttery brown. It truly freaks people out when we tell them she was adopted because the resemblance is uncanny!! Our first daughter looked semi-hispanic as a newborn, but now is painfully white (like me). So, people look at our children and truly stand with slackjaws because they can't believe how much DD#1 looks like me and DD#2 looks like DP!! We just were placed with DD#1's bio sister and she is a carbon copy of DD#1 at this age. I keep looking at her and thinking that they could be identical twins if they were the same age. It's just truly amazing how it worked out like that.

Now, people that already know they are adopted say this to us all the time, too. And it kinda irritates me because why do they HAVE to look like us? Why can't they just look like themselves? I also think they are sometimes saying it to make us feel better because they know how we struggled with IVF for years.

I dunno....I really try to take it as a compliment. Sometimes I also wonder if people are just saying it to make conversation. I had a lady in the store once tell me (while DD#1 was in a sling with me), "Boy, she's the spitting image of her mommy!" I just smiled and said thanks.

As for other little quirky things, I'd have to really think about it.

[BCFD]

I don't care if people know or not, it just seems like they are trying to give me a consolation prize or something. Like they are saying..."well, yes, unfortunately she is adopted, but thank God you can't tell! Think how bad it would be if she looked like she wasn't from your very womb."

YES!! This is exactly what I was trying to say.

You know, my MIL even said, "Her real mom" and my SIL jumped down her throat and took up for me and DP by screaming, "MOM....*THEY* are her *REAL* mom" and my MIL almost started to cry and said, "OMG...you totally know what I mean". I just laughed because it wasn't meant to be a hurtful thing....she just didn't use politically correct language.

[queencarr]

You know, I really thought we wouldn't have this happen, as ds2 is adopted from Korea, and I am about as pale as a caucasian can be. While I don't get it when all of us are together, when dh is not with us, people have assumed that I have an Asian husband. No one has been hurtful about it, and it really doesn't bother me, it is just funny to me. However, in lookng at pictures we had taken this past weekend, I can see a resemblance. I have very almond eyes, and I noticed that now that Connor has teeth and is smiling so big, he smiles like me I was talking to my Mom about this today, actually, and she reminded me that babies mimic the facial expressions and body language of their parents. In psychology we talked about microexpressions--subtle muscle changes that some people pick up on subconsciously, it is were we get a lot of our "intuition" about others from so it makes sense that those microexpressions look like me, since he is mainly with me. I have had other conversations with people about how adopted babies often "grow" to look like their adopted families, and it totally makes sense to me that it could be these subtle patterns that are influencing peoples perceptions rather than actual bone structure and such. Not sure if I explained that well or not. I don't care that he does or does not look like me, but there is a certain rightness that I see when I look at us all together, and I do enjoy that his expressions mimic mine