Idealizing parenting - Page 2

[mamaley]

Go with your gut

[maliceinwonderland]

I felt the same way before I got pregnant with this baby, but for different reasons. Despite me being 16 when I had dd, I feel like everything was as close to perfect as it could have been. People laugh when I say this, because at the time I was on financial assistance, working a parttime job and finishing highschool, but life has never been better since. So I wondered for a long time why I wanted another one, because I don't need a do over baby. And then I decided, screw it..I'm a good mom who takes great care of my dd, and I don't need a reason to have more if I feel like it

Besides, the world needs the children of MDC moms

[savannah smiles]

Originally Posted by laralou

Off topic: I like your name "savannah smiles" - that is on my all time top 5 favorite list of movies. I even own it on DVD and can sing every song.

Thanks Lara! I haven't seen that movie in forever but I remember really liking it! DD1 is named Savannah and she smiles a lot so the name made sense,lol!

[p.s]

don't know what UC/CLW mean, but I think I get the gist of your post anyways...

Consider another perspective: you want to bear, birth, and raise a child a particular way.
Looked at simply, that desire in itself is noble and arguably, the reason we are on earth as humans.
I honestly believe that you have already put more thought into how you want to raise your babe than most people do, even second or third time parents.
On the other hand, you can plan til you are blue in the face, and then the world has other plans and the details are not just as you have idealized or idolized.

Can you still love and care for a second child and love and live with yourself if the second time around things don't go according to plan? My guess is, absolutely you would. And that's what's most important.

[Arduinna]

Thanks that is a very good point, I'm sure we would love and care for another child regardless of the outcome.

UC is unassisted childbirth and CLW is child led weaning

Dh and I talked about it yesterday and are feeling good about the decision to go ahead and have another. Thanks for everyones input.

[thismama]

I think that as you say you have "always wanted another" this is probably about more than just cute cloth diapers. If you look too hard at any of our reasons for wanting children, put them under a microscope and they won't hold up to logic, becoz IMO they are not about logic, but something else.

Kwim?

For me I have a heart and soul longing for more children, I believe being a mother is a very important part of my path and that I have a gift for it that I am *meant* to use to bring forward and nurture children.

Logically there are a million reasons why I should not have more children, why I shouldn't have had my daughter even. But logic is so obviously weak when I look at her face and hold it up against the wonder and amazement of her, and the joy and struggle this mothering path has brought for me.

I think: ask your heart if you want another child, quietly. If you long for one, do it. If you don't, don't. Coz you know it's a lot of work.

For me it's sort of the difference between going to work after being up all night with insomnia, vs. going to work after being up all night having amazing sex with your lover. The joy of it, if it is joy to you, brings an energy with it that will see you thru.

Good luck with ttc.

[Arduinna]

Thanks

[daniedb]

Haven't yet read the other responses, so I apologize if I'm redundant.

I think that desiring to experience CLW, having a HB/UC/VBAC/whatever mama didn't experience before, CDing, SAH, whatever new choices are able to be made that weren't the first time, while technically could be seen as choices that are about the mom, are also the choices that *make* a good mom. If we boil it down to the basic level, having children is always going to be about us. We want to parent, we want to have a child with a man or woman we love, we want to leave a legacy to the world of our ideals and beliefs, etc. I think having a child, while requiring utter self-sacrifice, could also be interpreted as being utterly self-indulgent, IYKWIM. One could argue that having a child that is a small person that is half you is a selfish act itself. Obviously, I disagree that it's that simple, but what I'm saying is that you could probably boil down any parental decision (CDing, HB, HSing) to being about the parent and not the child...but the thing is, when the parent does what the parent believes is right and so compelling that he/she wants to influence a small person's life by doing so, s/he is being an ideal parent.

I hope that makes sense.

[daniedb]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Thanks that is a very good point, I'm sure we would love and care for another child regardless of the outcome.

UC is unassisted childbirth and CLW is child led weaning

Dh and I talked about it yesterday and are feeling good about the decision to go ahead and have another. Thanks for everyones input.

YAY!