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tandem nursing mamas - how's it going?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
For us it's going ok. DS1 is sharing "nu-nu" remarkably well, which is something I didn't expect. But I am personally having a hard time nursing him. Seems my nursing aversion lingers It doesn't help that he wants to nurse ALL.THE.FREAKING.TIME. How long until I can start cutting him back and setting limits?! I feel like I can do much right now or he'll feel slighted etc.
post #2 of 8
: I'm going to confess that I sooo wish DD1 would wean. She turns 4 in a couple of weeks, but I don't enjoy nursing her anymore. It's only for a couple of minutes at bedtime and every few days or so when she takes a nap, but it just feel like something I endure rather than this great connection time between us. But, like you, I feel like it would be kind of unfair to take it away now, especially since the bedtime one is really important to her.

She has asked a few times to nurse at times other than those and I don't. Only twice has she persisted in asking, but both times distracted away fairly easily, which tells me she wasn't really that invested in it. Because if shes anything, she's persistent when it comes to something she really wants.

I did have friends who said that after the first couple of months, the older child backed off to at least previous levels of nursing only if not even less.
post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 
I have the same confession. I've really been wishing ds1 would wean too. I feel that nursing him right now is causing me to be more antagonistic towards him than I otherwise would be.

I know he's not going to wean anytime soon. He's a dedicated nurser and will not be distracted once he's got it in his head to nurse. When I can set aside my personal feelings on the issue, I can see that he still really needs it. *sigh* He'll be 3 in april. I'm going to endure until then, then re-evaluate the situation. If I still feel the same way, and if he's still at these same levels, I may begin to push the issue... never thought I'd NOT do CLW but I can't keep on like this..

I hope what your friends have said is true for us. Except of course that his nursing the last 2-3 months of the pregnancy was frequent, on the order of 5-6 times a day
post #4 of 8
Does it work to do shorter nursing sessions? This worked well for us during the pregnancy when it was so uncomfortable- I'd mentally sing the ABC song, maybe even a couple of times through, then we'd be all done. I'd also try to entice her to do something else by suggesting that we'd have some time to do some other favorite activity (read a book, play with her dinosars for a few minutes, etc) if we only nursed for a short time. Sometimes she wouldn't go for it, but often she would- and she was a pretty dedicated nurser as well. It was a lot more tolerable for us both than me just saying no (which I also did at times too). I got the suggestion from my LLL group, so it's something that worked for some of them, too.

If nothing else, I know it's helping me to know there's someone else out there that doesn't love tandem nursing- and can totally understand it causing more antagonistic feelings. I actually find myself thinking "you're big, why are you needing so much?!" Fortunately, I know she needs so much because she's still a child & I haven't actually said this, but it does often center around these requests to nurse more often.
post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Most of our nursing sessions are about as short as they can get. Often I can only tolerate 10-20 seconds before I can't take it anymore. I have noticed that typically the shorter the nursing session the sooner it is that he asks for more, so I'm not helping in the long run.

You mentioned spending extra time playing with your DD, which is something I've been really trying to do this week. I know he's feeling a little pushed aside just because of the baby being here, not to mention any feelings he has about my resistance to his nursing, so I've been really trying to "fill his mommy bucket" with more non-nursing mommy time. It's too soon to see if it's helping, but the happy, lovey look in his eyes when I really truly engage with him is priceless.

I too am glad there's someone else out there struggling with this. It helps just to talk about it!
post #6 of 8
I understand the 10-20 second thing. I did a lot of relaxation practice while pg and nursing DD down for a nap- I figured the opportunity was there

They defintely pick up on asking to nurse as a way of getting mommy time- maybe that's what's happening. If it's any consolation ( or at least just comic relief), DD1 has also figured out that telling me she needs to poop gets her mommy time as well since she doesnt wipe herself

Engaging DD in other things was key to the nursing limits for us. It felt a little like bribery at first, but the reality was that we DID have more time to play, read books, etc if we didn't have several 30 minute long nursing sessions during the day.

I pretty much decided yesterday that naps are over for her- or at least me nursing her down for them. Ever since my milk came in, she sucks continuously for several minutes (the length of time it used to take her to go to sleep) and then doesn't fall asleep : She's overjoyed at the yummy milk and can't settle to sleep and I'm thoroughly irritated at having ouchy nipples from her marathon sucking and still having her awake.

I get a little nostalgic about our great nursing relationship and how close it is to ending, then I remind myself that this is how it's supposed to happen. They're supposed to move onto other things- sometimes it just takes gentle encouragement from us. At least I hope I;m not just fooling myself.
post #7 of 8
Good check in thread! I was wondering how the other tandem nursers were doing out there!

Right after my milk came in and I had blisters on my nipples I really, really loathed nursing my older DD- it was just so incredibly painful because her suck was SO strong compared to my newborn. I also found that suddenly her mouth felt awkward and her teeth were suddenly REALLY bugging me more then normal.

A few things that helped- time was the biggest. As this new babe gets older (7 weeks tomorrow!!!) I've found its gotten easier to nurse both of them. I've also found that I really don't like to nurse two at once- its too hard for me to position two latches that are so different. That way I can concentrate on getting my older DD into a not-quite-so-irritating position.

We were down to twice a day before Hannah was born, and after my milk came in my older DD was asking a LOT more to nurse, but I just gently reminded her that she can nurse after nap and in the morning as we did before Hannah was born. If she's really, really insistent and non-distractable then I let her choose a short song (like the ABC's or Twinkle Twinkle) and I sing it as she nurses and when I'm done singing she stops. Not exactly CLW, but its allowed our nursing relationship to continue and for me to keep my sanity.

That being said, I too wish she would wean, but know she's not really ready for that yet...
post #8 of 8
nak. i haven't contributed to this thread b/c i am always busy, constantly nursing 2. older ds is taking a shower w/ dh, so i am nursing just 1!

it is so hard. my nipples are so sore!! i hope they will get better soon. i am 2wks an4 days postpartum. i actually thought ds had weaned -- he hadn't nursed in about 2 months. i actually like nursing 2 except for the hurts like hell part. i feel very run down, and i *do* say no more than 50% of the time. i am :
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