My kids do the same things over and over and over again

[dharmamama]

I feel like I am creating too many rules, but my kids do the same things over and over and over again no matter how many times we ask them not to/explain why we don't want them to, so I find myself saying, "You may not [whatever]" more often than I like.

For example, no matter how many times I tell the kids not to stand between me and the kitchen sink when I am cooking, they do. They leave the door to the unheated mud porch open repeatedly. They jump on the couch several times a day. They stand on the toilet seat (which both little ones have fallen off of and busted heads/lips). The try to sit on the good couch to eat. They chase the dog in a circle around the dining room table. And etc. These are things that we have talked about more than 10 times each. We have reasons for why we don't want them to do these things, and we have explained why. I have used the strategy from "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen ..." of using one-word reminders ("Door!") so I am not constantly nagging them. But they continue to do these things over and over and over and over and over and over again (even the 12 year old, who some days is worse about it than the 4 and 5 year olds).

Is this just something I have to live with?

Namaste!

[P-chan]

Another strategy from HTTSKWLetc. that works in this house is the power of the written word, in the form of signs. It works best when my 3.5-year-old is as frustrated as I am at the constant reminders not to do X. I'll suggest making a sign (now sometimes he suggests it). We'll talk about what it should say and he'll choose the colors for the words and then do some extra coloring. He doesn't read, but I point to each word and tell him what they say, and then we hang it up. The next few times he does X I'll point out the sign, and pretty soon he can remember (most of the time) to stop.

It has helped us with certain things immensely (throwing toys, turning the dial in the fridge way up or down, turning on the dishwasher). I try not to overuse it because it's become such a powerful tool.

(I related this story in another thread once--we were at my friend's house and she was frustrated with her son, who was throwing toys dangerously close to the babies. My son said to her, "We have a sign at our house that says No Throwing Please. Maybe you should make one too!")

[srain]

We find it effective to have my son list the reasons why the behavior in question is a problem. It seems to help when he says it/ considers it himself, rather than just hearing it again.

You might also want to figure out if there are real needs not being met- for exercise, safe places to climb, etc.- which may prevent some of the annoying behaviors. And/ or to have a problem solving session with the kids to ask them how they think the problem should be solved.