Would you give your daughter a bottle for her doll?

[BCFD]

This is a really interesting discussion. As an adoptive mom, do you ever encourage your child to nurse their dolls? I nursed DD#2 and DD#1 clearly remembers this because she always wants to see my boobs. She even tries to nurse, although it's really just her touching her lips to my breast and then going "Ahhhh...milk!". I have explained to her that babies can drink "booby milk" or "bottle milk", so she clearly understands it. I let her play with bottles. What do you think?

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=612057

[EFmom]

Sure, my kids had bottles for their dolls. My kids were bottle fed. I'm not ashamed of it--they'd be dead otherwise. They know that some children are breastfed. One of my daughters "nursed" her doll after seeing her daycare provider's daughter breastfeeding. I thought it was cute, but I don't know that I encouraged her to do it, any more than I encouraged her to use a bottle with her doll. It was just her playing, and any way she wanted to do that was fine with me.

[Buddhamom]

I BF Drihan and yes she has a bottle for hr doll. Right now she understands both because she weaned herself at 9 mo. and still uses a bottle. I am sure when she becomes an adult she will have enough knowledge to make her own choice.

[Laurel]

No, I wouldn't. Now, if someone else gave her a doll with a bottle, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it...though the bottle would probably quietly disappear after a few days.

My ds was bottlefed after adoptive nursing failed, and my dd does get bottles even though she was primarily nursed. I don't hate bottles as some people seem to do. They are a necessary part of our lives. But, for me, I do want to create a vision of normal for my kids, and that includes nursing as the norm and bottles only when nursing can't happen.

[JunipersMom]

My babe is still breastfed and she will give her dolls a bottle sometimes. Mostly she uses the bottle to pour in her pots as soup when she is cooking I dont see it as an issue either way....

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by Laurel

I don't hate bottles as some people seem to do. They are a necessary part of our lives. But, for me, I do want to create a vision of normal for my kids, and that includes nursing as the norm and bottles only when nursing can't happen.

I feel very similarly, and I struggle with this.

Bottlefeeding is already quite normalized in our society, and I don't feel like I need to encourage my children to bottlefeed their dolls or give them the tools to do it in order for them to feel affirmed about their bottlenursing experiences with us.

On the other hand, in trying to encourage my ds toward pretend play (a developmental therapy thing), I did encourage him to feed his "baby" a bottle. I thought about encouraging him to nurse the baby, but then I realized he would have no clue what I was trying to encourage him to do because we unfortunately don't have many breastfeeding mama-baby pairs in our lives right now. Burshing the "baby's" hair and feeding the baby play foods and carrying the baby in a sling only seldomly caught ds' interest, and ds was so bottlenursing focused I thought he might get more play value from doing that. I struggled with it then, and still have very mixed feelings now.

[Sarahbunny]

Yes, I would. And I would have even if I had nursed. I just don't think it is a big deal, imo.

[sesa70]

I do all the time.

I think children play and mimic what they see. Here;s another food for thought idea for you:

My dd (15 months) who has only been bottle fed will feed her dogs (hates dolls) with a bottle, a sippy cup, or she will pretend feed the doll right into her stomach b/c thats how her sister eats, via gtube. When older dd was much younger and had more control and movement of her arms, she used to feed her babys in their stomachs where the gtube would go b/c that was norm to her. When we would try to feed the baby doll anything through their mouths she would laugh hysterically. It was foriegn to her.

So my point is that children enjoy mimicing. If they are bottle fed chances are they will want to bottle feed their babies too!

[BCFD]

Theresa, that is an EXCELLENT point!! I wonder how BF advocates feel about g tubes? I think that is a great thing for children to see! I was so excited to buy my baby the Fisher Price Little People bus because it came with a WHEELCHAIR!!

[sesa70]

The other part of this issue that bothers me is that bottle feeding does not exclude breastfeeding! What about the working mothers who pump breastmilk for thier babies and have it fed to them in a bottle? Or heaven forbid you or your dp have a horrible accident (this happened to my good friend/her mom when she was a baby) and you need to pump for your child while away from home.

Bottlefeeding does not always = formula!!!

[Laurel]

I've been thinking and realized that the main reason my kids wouldn't have bottles for their dolls has nothing at all to do with lactivism. It would be because the dolls I would buy (Waldorf dolls, etc.) do not come with bottles.

[MCR]

We haven't come across feeding baby dolls with bottles in our home yet. Dd has no interest in doll's she prefers Teddy and Ernie and cookie monster, plus some hand puppets. So I put the babies away for a while.
She doesn't get a bottle anymore so usually trys to feed them Cheerios and her sippy cup.
I don't think the bottles will bother me too much, I b'fed the older bio babies, and Dd got a bottle. I was more uncomfortable feeding her that in public feeling like I was being watched and judged
She has bottles and babies in the closet waiting till she's interested, till then I'll have to think about whether to give her the bottles, I'm not sure how I'll feel about it :

[Leatherette]

Yes, I let my daughter play with bottles with her babies. I realize breastfeeding is the preferred method of feeding babies, but

1. My daughter does not have breasts.

2. My daughter was bottlefed, so whatever I feel "normal" should be, her experience was/is drinking from a bottle. Children like to act out their experiences in play.

3. She's three. The benefits of breastfeeding don't interest her.

4. She understands that many babies get milk from their mommies' breasts.

L.

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by Leatherette

3. She's three. The benefits of breastfeeding don't interest her.

L.

OMG! That *REALLY* made me laugh out loud.

[Momma Aimee]

I started out NO BOTTLES.

recently.....................I have said I would let ANY of our children play with bottles IF it was a part of our reality.

If one of my sisters bottle fed, or if I had to bottle feed a baby.

right now that has not happened -- all 3 of us have BF and I expect to be able to BF an adopted child -- if the child can learn to latch and wants to -- I will not force it. Yongest sis is TTC after 4 years without milk, if they do not TTC and do adopt she is hopeing to be able to relacte -- itr not she might be in a bottle sistuation.

However, I am think I still might allow bottles, and jsut always say "a bottle of momma milk, how kind" or something --

To show bottles are evil -- and that they can have mommas milk in them.

HOWEVER I will always encourage BF as natural,. normasl and the first choice.

Even an adopted baby girl who is not BF by her adoptive mom needs that reassurance that BF is a noraml and narutal things after pregancy and birth.

GOOD QUESTION though -- one i stuggle with......both with and without the adoptin twist.

A

[ibex67]

As the mom of both adopted and bio kids, my adopted daughter plays with her dolls both ways. She has seen me nurse our baby and she knows that she took a bottle. It is no big deal. It is clear to me that she thinks nursing is normal. I think kids just like to play. And they need to play out *lots* of different scenarios -- not just the "right" choices we would like them to make when they were older. Even kids that don't watch TV or have toy guns end up playing games about shooting/fighting/dying. It doesn't mean they will grow up to be criminals or soldiers!

When it comes time for our children to decide what kind of parents they are going to be -- they will have a lifetime of our modeling with us and hopefully a close and respectful enough relationship that we can continue to help educate them.

ETA: Egad! Please don't assume I am likening bottle feeding to war or crime! I had NO intention of doing so. It was just another common parenting play issue that popped into my mind that people discuss here a lot...

[lauren]

As a working mama, all my children used bottles of EBM at day care, so for them, breastfeeding and bottlefeeding were interchangeable. At times they would nurse their babies and at other times they would use bottles. They all seem to be well adjusted individuals regardless of this!

[Tigeresse]

Originally Posted by Laurel

No, I wouldn't. Now, if someone else gave her a doll with a bottle, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it...though the bottle would probably quietly disappear after a few days.

My ds was bottlefed after adoptive nursing failed, and my dd does get bottles even though she was primarily nursed. I don't hate bottles as some people seem to do. They are a necessary part of our lives. But, for me, I do want to create a vision of normal for my kids, and that includes nursing as the norm and bottles only when nursing can't happen.

I agree with most of this, in fact, I have already made a bottle "disappear" from a gift baby doll. If dd wanted to play with a baby bottle I would certainly allow that, but honestly, she doesn't seem to care for any type of baby doll play. More into bee hunting and pretending she's a rock star.

I am fortunate that dd has seen me nursing her brother and has tried herself, so she is familiar w/breastfeeding. I want her *and* my boys to remember breastfeeding as normal and preferable. Therefore, I would not encourage play with doll bottles unless dd specifically asked for them, since bottle feeding *is* so visible in our culture, I would prefer not to add to that if possible. This coming from a mom who has tandem nursed, CLW, pumped lots of milk, used bottles at one time or another for 3 of my 4 kids, has used formula, has a dd who loves her bottles and has nearly 15 continuous years of lactation under her belt.

[lovingmommyhood]

If I had a daughter, yes I would. I played with bottles when I was little and have bf'd both my children.

[DTmama1]

I allow my dd to play with botles if she wants to. I have a home daycare so my daycare kids have all seen bottlefeeding as well. I nursed her until 18 momths and my kids at that point imitated bfing mostly, but those i have now didnt really witness that much so they pretend play bottles more often.
Mel