Too many commitments, feeling stressed out.

[greengirl_]

Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed with social and family obligations right now? I'm feeling like my firends and family think that just because I haven't actually had the baby yet that I've got all the time and energy in the world to go places and do stuff, when all I really want to do is stay home and calmly prepare my home for our HB and our new baby.

Any tips on how to say NO?

[Turkish Kate]

No.

No thank you.

Nyet.

Nein.

Hayir.

Non.

Le.

That's all I can come up with. :-)

[karen1968]

How about, "My doctors (midwife, whatever) told me I need to slow down and rest more..." Works, even if it isn't true!

[jkg]

I'm supposed to go to a wedding on 3/3. I'm not due until 3/12 and I doubt I will go into labor any earlier than that (I'm banking on 2 weeks later,actually ), but I am quite anxious about the whole thing. And it doesn't help that my SIL keeps asking me what I am going to wear to the wedding and if it will possibly still fit me at that point if I buy it now : ) At this point in the pg I only feel like spending time with DS and DH---in our house. I think many people think you need to keep your mind off of impending labor, when at least in my case, that goes against my instinct to just stay home. I understand how you feel!

[deuxceleste]

Just the opposite, really... I'm quite lonely over here in my patch. DP is tied up with his work stresses and the like, and (it's a long story) I feel as if I no longer have the same friends as I did before. It's not their fault... I blame no one but myself because I've allowed myself to let others' jealousies get in the way of my social life.

I'm kind of getting back into the swing of things, but for example this morning I called a friend at 11 am to meet for a coffee "date" and had to call her back in about 45 minutes because a HUGE migraine set in again. Stresses that I never had before are sinking in, and they're causing depression and headaches, and that's causing me to just stay home and just not see ANYONE all day.

Money's tight, yeah, but energy is tighter. And sometimes I wish that my friends WOULD just kidnap me and take me away for the day, (I hate driving now), and show me that the DO still love me and know that I'm the same person and that I'm not just too entirely wrapped up in this pregnancy to maintain and build relationships with them.

I have a kind-of-shower scheduled for the 4th of March, my mom is coming down to "hostess" it, and so far about 15 people have assured me that they're coming. But other than that, I'm tired of having to break commitments because of my energy level and these headaches.

Seriously, I'm not liking this pregnancy. First trimester was GOOD... second sucked, third is the worst because of the headaches and lack of support.

I truly do miss my friends.

[karen1968]

deuxceleste, what about your friends coming over to visit you at home? Now that I'm on bedrest, a couple of friends have come by to "hang," just for an hour or so at different times. It really helps to have some social time, if your headaches will allow it. It might help with the depression, too.

And I'm with a lot of the rest of you - the frustrating part about bedrest isn't NOT being able to leave the house, because I don't want to, really. What's frustrating about it is not being able to do things around the house that I feel need to be done.

[deuxceleste]

Karen, I think I'm going to have to email you on that one. For the time being, the rant about support that I posted the other day touches on it a little bit, but not to the full extend that it's affected me... My friends have not only pushed themselves aside, but have been PUSHED aside.

I'll explain. It's really just getting sad.

[karen1968]

Please do email. I've been worried about you.

And so sorry to Greengirl for totally hijacking your thread!!

[Savmay]

"Any tips on how to say NO?"

how about the sandwich tecnique:
when someone asks you to do something and you feel obligation coming up and have a hard time just saying no:
say something positive, say no, thank them for inviting you.

like:
that sounds like a fun event, I am going to pass b/c I am really focusing on resting right now, thanks for asking me.

simple but effective...!

[deuxceleste]

Originally Posted by Savmay

"Any tips on how to say NO?"

how about the sandwich tecnique:
when someone asks you to do something and you feel obligation coming up and have a hard time just saying no:
say something positive, say no, thank them for inviting you.

like:
that sounds like a fun event, I am going to pass b/c I am really focusing on resting right now, thanks for asking me.

simple but effective...!

POSITIVE SANDWICHES!!! GAWD we used to use those all the time in management. Effective, yet sometimes hard to actually come up with the positives. Hopefully it'll be easy for you!