How to deal with child-haters/bashers

[amitymama]

I am a member of another forum that is not parenting-focused but it does have a parenting section. Every so often, a thread will come up that gets the childfree by choice folks riled up with the parents, or vice versa. A large percentage of posters on the forum are mothers, I'd say they are the slight majority. Most of the childfree people are either younger and so just don't have kids yet, or have had infertility problems. The majority are respectful of our different lifestyle choices. However, there are a few who are ardently childfree by choice (CBC) and verge on being child-haters. One woman and one man in particular make insulting comments about children at any opportunity and compare them to pets, say they shouldn't be allowed in many public places, take pleasure in talking about kids 'needing a smack', refer to them as 'screaming brats' or 'ankle biters' and even went so far as to say that they thought that woman who got kicked off the flight for breastfeeding her toddler 'deserved it for being such a freak'. :

A thread recently came up about people bringing dogs into coffee shops or restaurants and how some people think it's okay but others don't. Of course, as expected, someone had to say "Well, they're not dirtier or more annoying than children" and a big hoo-haa kicked off. I always defend children and call out any blatant unwarranted hatred or comments but I'm getting really tired of it. I always stress the fact that I respect their decision not to have children, that I think it's mature that they've realized that parenting isn't something they're cut out for, and acknowledge their valid points about some children being out of control in public, their parents letting them run wild and annoy everyone within a 2 mile radius. All I ask for is that they respect my lifestyle as well and not refer to children as inferior, sub-human beings who are no better than gum on the bottom of their shoes and who have no rights.

Should I just ignore people like this instead of trying to change their thinking, or at least asking them to respect mine? I am so frustrated with this whole issue and am tired of being made to feel like I'm just some uptight mother who can't stand to hear a single bad word about kids spoken. I'm very laid back and can see the humour in the odd comment about kids being annoying in public, but these comments border on hatred and it makes me angry to hear people get away with making such derogatory remarks. I think they forget that they were children too at one point!

Does anyone else have to deal with these debates/arguments? How do you handle the sarky comments?

[Calliope]

Ignore people like that. They are very, very unhappy.

[chinaKat]

I once was in a discussion like that and somebody said something like, you know, your comments about children sound very discriminatory. I mean, imagine if you swapped an ethnic group or race with the word 'children' in your comments, think how that would sound -- 'I hate being around mexicans' or 'they should have flights that don't allow jews' or 'I had the worst lunch, I had to sit next to a table of italians and you know how they act all the time'...

I think it had some effect in making people think about stereotyping. Of course the worst offenders you will never reach, but the people who are just sort of shooting their mouths off without thinking might reconsider the way they talk.

[Demeter9]

I have yet to meet someone who hates children who isn't a deeply unhappy or disturbed individual.

[eldadeedlit]

Originally Posted by Calliope

Ignore people like that. They are very, very unhappy.

: these people are just pathetic. i feel bad for them.

[eldadeedlit]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

I once was in a discussion like that and somebody said something like, you know, your comments about children sound very discriminatory. I mean, imagine if you swapped an ethnic group or race with the word 'children' in your comments, think how that would sound -- 'I hate being around mexicans' or 'they should have flights that don't allow jews' or 'I had the worst lunch, I had to sit next to a table of italians and you know how they act all the time'...

I think it had some effect in making people think about stereotyping. Of course the worst offenders you will never reach, but the people who are just sort of shooting their mouths off without thinking might reconsider the way they talk.

and what makes it even more ridiculous is that EVERYBODY was a kid at one time!!! do they hate themselves? :

[rileysmommy]

yeah, i have to say i'd probably not take too well to a person like that, and i know myself and my mouthiness and i'd likely start a fued.
i don't think all people have to like or want to have children, but WOW to call such innocent humans such horrid names, and compare them to animals..holy crap!

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

I once was in a discussion like that and somebody said something like, you know, your comments about children sound very discriminatory. I mean, imagine if you swapped an ethnic group or race with the word 'children' in your comments, think how that would sound -- 'I hate being around mexicans' or 'they should have flights that don't allow jews' or 'I had the worst lunch, I had to sit next to a table of italians and you know how they act all the time'...

I think it had some effect in making people think about stereotyping. Of course the worst offenders you will never reach, but the people who are just sort of shooting their mouths off without thinking might reconsider the way they talk.

Wow. That's a really good point!

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

People like that are not worth our time or energy geting wound up about, although it is hard not letting it get to you :

and what makes it even more ridiculous is that EVERYBODY was a kid at one time!!! do they hate themselves?

Good point

[newmommy]

I would *ignore* AND *avoid* people or forums like that.

[lovingmommyhood]

Those people make me ill.

I'm on facebook and there are lots of groups about killing babies. I'm not talking about abortion either.

You've got to be dimented, I swear.

[WonderWild]

I have never encountered someone like that. I don't think I'd be very nice to them if they talked like that around me.

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

I once was in a discussion like that and somebody said something like, you know, your comments about children sound very discriminatory. I mean, imagine if you swapped an ethnic group or race with the word 'children' in your comments, think how that would sound -- 'I hate being around mexicans' or 'they should have flights that don't allow jews' or 'I had the worst lunch, I had to sit next to a table of italians and you know how they act all the time'...

I think it had some effect in making people think about stereotyping. Of course the worst offenders you will never reach, but the people who are just sort of shooting their mouths off without thinking might reconsider the way they talk.

Wow, excellent advice, I'm definitely going to try that tactic next time! If that doesn't work, I'm just going to go into ignore mode. I can't keep getting upset over this, it's just pathetic and probably giving them what they want -- attention.

[NiteNicole]

I think you have to just ignore it. I don't have a problem with groups like (I think it's called) No Kidding or people who are CF by Choice. I can totally understand that not everyone wants kids and I can even understand that kids really can be annoying, esp if you don't have any and your expectations are just not realistic.

People who activly HATE children, as others have said, always seem very very unhappy in general and just miserable. Hating children is almost a hobby for them and it's a big part of their self image. You can't shake that, just ignore it. They will never be the majority, they will never actually ban children from public places, and they will always be uhappy. It's sad. The kid hating is just where they've focused all their misery.

[Momma Aimee]

I don't have the emoptional energy -- i adovid them at all costs

if i encounter it in a buseness -- I do NOT go back and I write a letter to the highest level of manangenet (corp not local) telling them WHY

but

I once was in a discussion like that and somebody said something like, you know, your comments about children sound very discriminatory. I mean, imagine if you swapped an ethnic group or race with the word 'children' in your comments, think how that would sound -- 'I hate being around mexicans' or 'they should have flights that don't allow jews' or 'I had the worst lunch, I had to sit next to a table of italians and you know how they act all the time'...

is an excelelnt observation

but i fear anyone that messed up, that full of hate and so self-centered ---- is NOT wortht he time or effert.

course there is always the snarky remark "aren't you lucky your mom didn't feel that way?"

I think anyone who says that is so full of self-hate -- and so self-centered it would take years of theray to scratch the surface -- nothing you can do in a miute or two -- but maybe casue a moment of embassement and get them to shut up for the time being (which is still something worthwise)

A

[BelgianSheepDog]

Ignore them. Attention makes them grow.

I've noticed they tend to be young heterosexuals (m and f both) who are desparately afraid their birth control will fail, and who were raised by overbearing authoritarians. Seriously. And most of them start singing a different tune when they hit 30. :

[mama ganoush]

i would just laugh at them, over and over. Quote their more obnoxious posts, and laugh and laugh, and say "oh, you are so silly". and occassionally point out how they are even sillier b/c statistics prove out that at least 70 percent of them will have kids later.

[Cheshire]

How about:

"get over it. Kids are here, kids will always be here and it's not called a "public place" for nothing. Public is public for all citizens. Sorry you feel so threatened by the most vurnerable of our population. That's just sad."

[Laggie]

I remember as a kid being completely flummoxed when I heard an adult say they didn't like kids... Thinking, "but you were a kid!" WTF?

Honestly I think a lot of these people, in an online forum, are just trying to be inflammatory.

The flipside is, in our culture so many people are afraid to interact with kids unless they have their own. So I think some of them respond to that with a dislike of children - being around kids makes them nervous because they don't know what to do!

[wildmonkeys]

Recommend they see or read "Children of Men" - a world without children is futureless.

BJ
Barney, Ben & soon to be #3!!!