How to deal with child-haters/bashers - Page 2

[gwen's mom]

I work with a woman like this~ she is 40ish, single, with 2 cats that she talks about like they are her children. I never bring up my kids (I am the only one with kids) in the office however my co-workers love them and often ask about them. Whenever I tell a story of their antics the woman mentioned above will say "That's on my list of why I NEVER wanted children."

Recenty she was telling a cat story about how her cats woke her up at 3:00 in the morning because they were thirsty. I quicky pointed out that at least with kids they get to an age where they can get a drink themselves where as she will always be getting up to water the cats.

[maya44]

Originally Posted by wildmonkeys

Recommend they see or read "Children of Men" - a world without children is futureless.

BJ
Barney, Ben & soon to be #3!!!

Exactly! Children are essential to our lives as a people. Simple as that.

I don't think that its fair though to say that "children are the same as any other group...would they say X about Jews."

Children ARE different. They are as a group, on average (especially when young) louder, messier and wilder and needier than adults on average as a group. This is developmentally appropriate and we as a society needs to be more tolertant of these things because of these developmental realities.

[Finch]

Meh. CF'ers are everywhere. I would just refer them to the CF board and tell them to take their hate where it will be embraced and appreciated. Blech.

[chinaKat]

Originally Posted by maya44

Exactly! Children are essential to our lives as a people. Simple as that.

I don't think that its fair though to say that "children are the same as any other group...would they say X about Jews."

Children ARE different. They are as a group, on average (especially when young) louder, messier and wilder and needier than adults on average as a group. This is developmentally appropriate and we as a society needs to be more tolertant of these things because of these developmental realities.

Actually, I totally agree with this sentiment... however, this is almost an IMPOSSIBLE point to get across to people who hate kids. Typically these people are of the "children should be seen and not heard" camp, and they can't understand why parents don't just slap their kids silly until they align with the rest of society.

I've tried to go down this road but all I ever hear is "well, when *I* was a kid *my* parents wouldn't have stood for..." yadda yadda yadda.

[NiteNicole]

I've tried to go down this road but all I ever hear is "well, when *I* was a kid *my* parents wouldn't have stood for..." yadda yadda yadda.

Well, I think that's true in a lot of ways. Parents were a lot more strict in the past (I know mine wouldn't have let me get away with a lot of stuff that I consider, with my daughter, just kid stuff). And when you don't have kids, it might be hard to understand WHY a parent wouldn't just tell (or make) a kid sit down and shut up. And let's be honest, there are some downright inconsiderate parents out there (the parent who lets their three year old cry or talk all through an R rated movie, or lets their multiple children roam through a nice, non-family-style, crouded restaraunt, etc, these parents who are not by any means the majority, but who are a very inconsiderate, visible, and loud minority) and that does contribute to the backlash against kids and parents.

All in all, I think the anti-child (NOT the people who just choose not to have kids, or even those who don't especially love being around children - those are personal choices and I support someone's right to make them!) people are unhappy and they've just chosen kids as an easy place to vent that. I think kids, ESP ones who "act up" probably seem to feel at ease in the world in a way these angry adults can not.

[onlyzombiecat]

Does the message board have any rules of conduct for posters? If it does, are they violating that with their derogatory and hateful comments? If so report them to management.

A board that has a parenting forum obviously welcomes people talking about children.

If the board doesn't have any rules of conduct maybe it is time to lobby management for a basic rule about being respectful of other poster's different lifestyles and hateful/discriminatory comments about age, sex, or race not being tolerated.

If other posters and management are unwilling to do anything about these few sad people then I'd find a new board.

[grypx831]

Ignore them. They are just begging for attention and if you don't give it to them they'll go away.

[chinaKat]

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat

Does the message board have any rules of conduct for posters? If it does, are they violating that with their derogatory and hateful comments? If so report them to management.

Hee hee, I think you are spoiled by the MDC forums!

This is by far the nicest, most respectful web forum I have EVER participated in... and while snark (and worse) are not tolerated here, many (most?) web forums I've been a part of seem to THRIVE on that sort of interaction. On lots of forums the only thing you'll get reprimanded for is saying something that qualifies as true hate speech.

[onlyzombiecat]

I've been on other forums and recognize that MDC is more vigilant than any other forum I've ever seen about the conduct of members. I certainly don't expect that level of management from the rest of the internet.
However, a lot of boards do have some kind of user agreement or rules of conduct even if the admin and mods are hands off. If the vast majority of people on the board are respectful of others and the board is hosting a parenting forum then I don't think it is unrealistic to speak with management about it as a possible solution to the repeated hateful posting of a few people.

[MommytoTwo]

I would be totally offended and yes I would say something about it. And then I would probably remove myself from that board/environment. Who needs to listen to that crap.

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat

Does the message board have any rules of conduct for posters? If it does, are they violating that with their derogatory and hateful comments? If so report them to management.

A board that has a parenting forum obviously welcomes people talking about children.

If the board doesn't have any rules of conduct maybe it is time to lobby management for a basic rule about being respectful of other poster's different lifestyles and hateful/discriminatory comments about age, sex, or race not being tolerated.

If other posters and management are unwilling to do anything about these few sad people then I'd find a new board.

Actually, the moderators are quite strict about warning or subsequently banning (if the behaviour continues) posters who use personal attacks or make inflammatory comments that are just not acceptable, but apparently child bashing doesn't fall under this and so they are allowed to have their opinion and state it. In that way, I do think their comments are comparable to someone making a racist or sexist remark -- they're generalizing based on their (very limited) experiences of children and are then making derogatory comments based on that narrow view, which, IMO, *does* count as an inflammatory violation that should be squashed. These people routinely call parents 'breeders' but since they're not saying it directly TO any particular poster, they don't get called out on it.

To me, that's like someone saying "black people are mostly (insert horrible 'N' word here)" but since they didn't say that to an individual, that's okay. :

[lesley&grace]

Chinakat makes a really good point, you could make it as well if you respond to their posts.

Thing is, if someone were to make a derogatory comment on MDC which was insensitive to a particular group, then the Mods would be on them. I'd report them to the Moderator of the forum, there has to be someone there to enforce the UA and if these posts are truly troubling you then that is what I would do.

I would also ignore their postings and encourage others to do the same. You encourage them when you respond to their nonsense. It's hard to do though, since offensive blanket statements are hard to ignore, especially when they are against a group which you have a definite interest in their well-being.

[Tigerchild]

Ignore them.

You have no way of knowing if those people are putting you on. Treat them as you would a troll. Ignore, or a mild 'mmmhmmm'. Because if they're "CF" and on a parenting board? They're trolling.

If this is a continual problem and you're getting really upset, I'd suggest finding another board that's more protected, until you can control your reaction better.

In an ideal world, these people would be prevented from bad behavior, but as anyone who signs up on message boards knows, that's not the case in reality, and we have to assume some degree of ownership of how we allow things to affect us. That goes double for something that you know won't be modded.

[chinaKat]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

Because if they're "CF" and on a parenting board? They're trolling.

Excellent point!