Help me figure this out before I enroll her in public school

[~Megan~]

dd is 4.5 and I'm still struggling with what to do about her education.

To be completely honest, I think public school would be a wonderful break for me. Having two kids (4.5 and 1.5) that fight all day and whine all day is wearing me down so fast. These behaviors are causing me to be the kind of mom I do not want to be.

I am afraid of public school for my kids. I went to public school and do not have positive memories of it. I can remember being body and fashion conscious as early as 7. The cliques were in place as early as 1st grade. I remember rejection. I can remember learning about sexuality from kids that had obviously been exposed to too much way too early (not healthy education, I have no problem with that, but lascivious sexuality). I had teachers that told me terrible things about my parents and myself.

I also had some really great teachers and good experiences. Mostly I feel like 5 is way to freaking young to be put out into the world into the hands of people that are basically strangers. I would like to homeschool her but I have some concerns.

First of all, we are in a lot of debt. If I put my kids in school that means I could more easily get back into the job world. Otherwise it means me working at night, which I will probably do until they are both school age. I think this will be a big burden on our family and marriage.

And if they are in school I could get a mental break. Maybe they will outgrow these issues, but what about the ones to come?

I know these are selfish reasons but dang it, I've been pretty selfless for 5 years now!

If you have gone through this or have some real advice I could really use it right now.

TIA

[reeseccup]

This is something ultimately you will need to find your own peace to. I just wanted to wish you peace of mind in your journey.

I think for me, changing my mindset and outlook on things is what made/make things easier to cope with the daily grind. I made the conscious decision to not let it all get to me and make time for me to be by myself daily. Even if it's after the children go to bed I just do something for me. My children are older now, but even when they were younger, just the few minutes at a pop I'd get on the puter and just fill my mind with adult things .

I used to be of the mindset "send them off to school so I can have a break", now I know I can have me time (a break) even if they are home with me. Because I've changed my mindset, I've found I enjoy my children much more and even respect them as people much more than I did before.

As for finances uh, I've come to terms that we'll never have "enough" money, so I'm happy with where we are and find our needs are cared for and that's all that's important.

As for a clean house ( I know you didn't mention this, but it used to be important to me ) well I'm come to accept that when the youngest is about 5, the house starts staying clean more than not. Ironically, I seemed to get preg. or have baby just as the house is staying clean again. :

[beeswing]

No one knows what will be best for you or your family, so don't feel pushed into HS if that will not be right for you.

That said....we chose to be very, very poor in order to homeschool. It takes some adjusting, but as we told the bill collectors "you can't get blood from a turnip" Things are getting better, and things are getting paid off..this is our 8th year homeschooling. We homeschooled for years while one or the both of us were in school and our income came from delivering pizza (tip your pizza guy he may be a homeschool dad)

Public schools are not really "free" any more. I generally figure out the cost of the back to school supply lists and (in our case public school uniforms) or new clothes. A few instant dinner options (as opposed to home cooked) my work clothes, and babysitters for afterschool times, sick days and vacations....then subtract what I spend on school stuff for them and I usually come out with a net profit.

Public school, in the state I live, is the bottom of the barrel. I could compare above, with the cost of private school.

You can learn to get a break while they are at home. I still insist on "nap time", no I don't expect anyone to really nap but an hour of quite time for everyone can be a life saver and my kids are 14 and 7! (this means you too...don't clean anything..grab a book and a cup of tea, or what ever makes you happy)

ok and this next part may not be anything you can or will relate to, but... I have a "high need" husband..If I had a job I would not be able to deal with the amount of babying he requires: sure I could maybe try to force him to evolve, but I kinda like it this way ( I did choose him, well knowing he was "old fashioned")...and besides, even if I worked outside the house and he "helped" I would still end up with the lions share, and be the one who would stay home when kids are sick, and up all night too.

best of luck with your decision
Kate

[~Megan~]

Originally Posted by reeseccup

As for a clean house ( I know you didn't mention this, but it used to be important to me ) well I'm come to accept that when the youngest is about 5, the house starts staying clean more than not. Ironically, I seemed to get preg. or have baby just as the house is staying clean again. :

This does totally apply to me though. When I was pregnant with dd my house started looking pretty good, like if someone stopped by unannounced I wouldn't have a heart attack good! Now I have ds that undos something else while I'm cleaning in another spot.

[srain]

Since you posted under homeschooling, you might not be looking for my answer, but I'll reply anyway! I have a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old and even though I suspect that homeschooling would be somewhat better for my oldest, I am sending him to school. It is VERY difficult to do things with him when my youngest is around, which gets frustrating for all three of us; I have some issues with depression which are exacerbated when I'm trying to manage more; while our area does have some secular homeschoolers, it doesn't have the amount of support I could get if we were back in Washington; and my son is seriously high-needs and having some space away from each other is frankly really nice. We are taking it year-by-year and will pull him out if we think he is being harmed by any aspect of school; we've also told him we're willing to take him out if he decides he'd rather stay home.

Different schools have different social environments. You may want to visit the school he'd be attending a few times to see if your fears are warranted. My own elementary school peers were not really fashion/ pop culture/ sex conscious until 6th grade; I see that it's earlier now in my son's school, but it still doesn't seem to be an issue 'til 4th grade. (These are both wealthy suburban districts- I don't know if that makes a difference.)

I guess my point is that while I see homeschooling as possibly the best option for most kids, the whole family's needs outweighed that for us, especially since we have an acceptable school option.

[onlyzombiecat]

I would research all of your options before making a decision.

If you choose to homeschool, it is still okay to get a break from your kids.

Some people have a babysitter or a mother's helper. I think there have been some threads on that in this forum.

Some people share homeschooling responsibilities with their spouse or another homeschool family.

If you need a break now and put your dc in school, that doesn't mean that you can never homeschool. You might have to deschool but you can change your mind if something doesn't work.

If you just don't want to homeschool then maybe it isn't for you.

[redhotmama]

: I could be the OP except I have three. And a clean house is VERY important to dh. But the stories I hear about our local public and Christian schools....