*~ Weekly Thread February 10 - 16 *~ - Page 3

[willoLevin]

Well, here I am again at 6 am, and I've been up for a couple of hours already. DS has added coughing to his symptoms, and both yesterday and today it has woken him up. I brought him downstairs for a warm drink and he is supposed to be sleeping on the couch propped up with pillows, but every time I move, I can see him watching me instead. I feel so miserably sad for him when he's sick, and he is such a trooper about it. Oh sigh.

I just switched his Primary Care Physician, even though we love our doctor, because I just can't take the long trip to see the old one anymore. He needs to be "cleared" by the doc to go back to school, and that means a lot more last minute trips. It takes about 40 minutes to get there with typical light traffic, and more if we take the train (because my car isn't really fit to fight Boston traffic anymore.)

So I just did it. I switched him to a doctor a friend uses. She's more out-there than I am, since we just delayed our vax schedule (willing to have him immunized before grade school, unwilling to give many shots to a tiny infant), and I think she's refused all of them. I'm hoping that means this guy will not find us medically neglectful.

Is it normal to mourn having to switch pediatricians!?!

And we're having a storm today, though so far it isn't very impressive. (Knocking wood, just in case!) My sister-in-law and nephew are supposed to fly out at midday--we'll see if the airport keeps up with this Nor'Easter.

My cold was almost better, but now I've felt like I'm getting worse again since yesterday afternoon. WAAAH!

DH says, "I told you to go see the acupuncturists days ago!"

Well, sure, but we have company and I was feeling better. Feh. I just NEED to GET OVER this COLD.

grumpily,
--willo

[Marvelleaux]

Willo~ I hope you and your sons cold gets better soon .

WhiteWax~ YES. YES YES YES. My little one pretty much stays in the same position most of the time; head down RIGHT near cervix and butt and feetsies to the left of my bellybutton. Usually I feel kicks and punches throughout the day with most of the punches landing right at my pubic line, but occasionally the little squirt will turn and the punching lands right on the cervix. I would describe the sensation as being like a wierd internal exam. Sometimes I have a little irrational fear that the baby is going to get it's fist caught in there. So you're not alone!


Happy Valentines Day Everyone!!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

[WhiteWax]

well thansk for the reassurance ladies! It really is an odd feeling, glad to hear i'm not alone. A few mamas I've mentioned it too looked at me like I was whacky!

Oh boy Willo..... if you get the left overs of the strom we're getting here... holy moly!@!!!!!!!!!!

DP left for work over na hour ago (it's a 10-15 min commute) and he JUST got there! The snow is coming down so hard and soooooo fast, the path he shoveled out to the cr this morning is gone!!!

How's the snow up higher in NY Wombat???

[Corri]

I'm really disappointed today. Everything's fine with the pregnancy, but the doula that we were in the process of hiring just e-mailed and told me that she and her husband are moving out of town in May. Apparently he got a job transfer and they won't pay to move her out to the new city at a different time than him, so they're going together at the end of May.

We really, really liked her, we fit together really well, her package of visits and massges (she's a certified pre and post-natal masseuse, even... [mourn]) was right in our budget and now we have to start doula-hunting again when most of the good ones are already booked until July.

Happy Valentines Day. Bah, humbug.

[rock_dr]

Wombatclay: can you tell us (or me) any more about hiring the 'wrong' doula last time - in retrospect were there any warning signs you might have seen when interviewing her?

We're trying to make a decision this week - seems like everyone I've met is natural birth friendly, very nice and personable, knowledgeable, experienced... everyone says to go with your gut instinct about whom you feel comfortable with but I don't have strong leanings either way. Are there any magic questions you can ask that reveal more than the standard responses?

[Jilian]

Whitewax: I swear my baby is going to burst through my cervix sometimes! With DS I never once felt him hit my cervix, this baby is launching a full-on attack on my poor cervix. I was joking to DP last night that I'm gonna start labor dilated to at least 5 cm the way this baby slams into my cervix. I'm just waiting for a foot to come flying out of there

CJ: Ask your Doula candidates how they feel about birth, ask how they feel about interventions, ask how they feel about cesareans and emergency cesareans. Ask what they will do in the case of an unexpected outcome, will she stay with you? Most clients never ask about the unexpected (because most people don't plan for it) and they don't know how their Doula will handle things until it is too late. Also, ask what the Doula does, have her do a run-through of labor, delivery, and post partum and include what her role will be in each.

[rock_dr]

Jillian: oh, I'm ALL about 'what if something goes wrong' when interviewing doulas. Maybe too much so. I flat out present scenarios (I end up with a hospital transfer and, despite having been told that I do not consent to an episiotomy, doc reaches for scissors as I'm pushing. What do you do to help protect me as a client?). Responses I'm getting are pretty standard: I am there for you, but I am not there to speak for you or to stand between your care providers and you. Seems like in a drastic case they would speak up and say loudly 'now you said you did not consent to an episiotomy, RIGHT?'

does this sound about right to you? I feel like I'm looking for a knowledgable, nurturing, positive assistant who can turn into an absolute bulldog if I need her. Is that expecting too much?

[wombatclay]

Wombatclay: can you tell us (or me) any more about hiring the 'wrong' doula last time - in retrospect were there any warning signs you might have seen when interviewing her?

This might be long!

We went with our gut and it didn't turn out so well. I'm being a lot more conservative this time (once bitten, twice shy...that sort of thing). I'll tell you a little about where I think things went wrong and maybe you'll be able to pull something specific out of that?

We interviewed 5-6 doulas last time. My town has a TON of doulas, most are uncertified. Meaning they have attended a lot of births or been apprenticed to another doula but they haven't been to any specific classes or passed a certification exam. At the time we really didn't think it would matter that much as long as we checked references, etc.

We went with a really sweet uncertified doula who had been attending mamas for a little over three years. She'd been at a variety of births in a variety of locations. She offered basic massage, a wonderful natural birth and parenting philosophy, and her price was in our range. She provided two pre-birth and two post-birth visits along with attending the birth itself. The pre-birth meetings were wonderful, she was great, we really got along. Then during the birth she...well...she just wasn't there when I needed her. When I eventually had pain meds she refused to stay in the room while the spinal was being done (not even to hold my hand), and after she told me that "well, you have the pain meds...you don't need a doula" and left for a while. When she returned and they brought up a c/s she again left the room while DH and I tried to figure out what to do since she said she "couldn't be involved in that sort of thing". When we agreed to the c/s (I was sobbing) she told me that she had to leave since c/s was against her birth philosophy (we had discussed c/s in our pre-birth meeting and she had even filled out the form allowing her to be present in the OR with us if that was what happened).

She left. I got a message while still int he hospital saying that she wasn't going to be able to do the post-birth visit during the first week I was home. She came about 2 weeks later and only once (instead of twice)...during that visit she held Laia, agreed to write a "birth story" of her take on the birth for Laia's birth memory book, and told me "well, I assumed you were ok with a c/s since you went to the hospital after all". Overall she left me with a strong feeling of failure/shame which I'm sure contributed to my PPD.

So, what were the warning signs I "should" have seen? (and BTW, I am a DONA certified doula now as a result of this experience, so some good came from it!).

--first, find a certified doula. My doula was a wonderful woman and had attended over 30 births but part of the certification process is learning about all sorts of "unusual" things that can happen in a labor. My doula was not prepared for a long labor with a posterior babe. Although we tried a number of techniques to turn the baby she did not realize that my back labor indicated a posterior babe for the first 15 hours or so....when a nurse pointed it out to her. By which point dd was pretty well jammed in there. And there were other positions/techniques I've learned since then that we didn't try simply because she didn't know them. She would have been fine if my labor had been "normal", but you never know what will happen in labor and it pays to hav a doula who has at least read about some of the potential problems.

--although she was willing to come to my house while I was in early labor, she prefered to meet us at the hospital and offer support by phone during early labor. It seemed fair at the time since she would have had to drive past the hospital to reach us and then go back (and she had a small child at home) but...I'm not even considering doulas this time who sound less than excited about attending me at home!

--I was her first client after her own successful (and very easy...labored for about 5 hours total with what she called "blissful" contractions) homebirth. Although she had attended hospital births I believe now her own birth experience influenced her more deeply than she knew and she was not prepared for a hospital birth...and expecially not a long birth ending in interventions. So double and triple check your potential doula's own birth history. Where has she delivered? How did it go? Does she honestly believe that if you "do it right" your labor will be easy and quick or does she have experience with labors that went on for days, or which involved interventions, or which ended in an assisted or surgical birth? Do you have even the slightest feeling that she has a "birth agenda" and that she might (perhaps unintentionally) make you feel badly about choices you make during your own birth? If something does change in your birth experience you'll be beating yourself up enough on your own...you don't need anyone adding to that set of feelings! Ask up front about births they attended that didn't go as planned. Ask if you can talk to one of those mothers to find out how the mama felt about the doula's assistance and support in those cases.

--Does your doula have a back up? Mine didn't but said she'd be happy to arrange one if it made me more comfortable. I asked her to arrange one (and I believe she did) but I was never introduced and she did make it seem as if she was doing me a favor...not in a bad way, but she sort of, I don't know, "said" things in a tone of voice that suggested she thought I was being a worry-wort over nothing. All of the doulas I've interviewed this time have backups and are happy (and planning) to introduce me if I choose them.

I'm sure there were other things we should have noticed...but she seemed really nice, competent, natural birth supportive, positive about birth, etc. All those things. It's just when things didn't go the way everyone planned it all fell apart.

Good luck with finding the perfect doula...a doula can make such a huge difference and be such a wonderful "tool" for the birthing family! I know I'll be depending on my doula a lot this time round when I reach the spot where I had the c/s last time...and that's something I've been asking about (how have you helped vbac mothers past the emotional/psychological blocks?). SO if you have any specific concern about anything, ASK!

Sorry for such a long post...hope something in it helps!

[wombatclay]

Jilian- with my first pregnancy I had a lot of unexplained bleeding...so I had a lot of unplanned u/s. EVERY single u/s showed dd kicking/punching/stomping on my cervix! I could certainly feel her banging away on it (ouch!) and I had plenty of interns and doctors "stop by" during my u/s since none of them could believe what they had been told about the "baby trying to punch her way out". Although no one ever agreed with me, my personal theory was the bleeding came from all the smacking dd was doing to me cervix!

[herbmama3-7]

so...
1) HAS ANYONE FELT THIS?????

2) Does any one know what's going on, or why or if it something to be concerned about???

It's really odd and it doesn't hurt or anything but it's a little uncomfortable... like, it just doesn't feel *right*.[/QUOTE]


YES, double YES! I had this with ds and also with this one!! whitwax had a good point with the bleeding because I too had that issue, but never thought it could have been this until she mentioned it, HMMMM, something to consider!

Oh man, I am in PAIN!! At first I thought it was the "round ligament pain" but it is just too bad to be continuing on like this. I can hardly walk, or lift a laundry basket without buckling over from the pain. So I finally called my MW today because I was sure this wasn't normal, sure enough she said I have all the classic symptoms of my hips being out of alignment and should go to the chiroproactor right away! DUH! I didn't even think of this but it makes complete sense. It is embaressing to admit, but I haven't been excercising hardly at all, and when I was pregnant with ds, I was doing yoga, walking, hiking, you name it, I REALLY need to start doing this again, time to buy a good prenatal DVD and do it everyday!! It has been so hard for me this time with a toddler, I feel like I have no time to devote to this pregnancy, well it is time to make time, anyone else with me?

[mommamin]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

Oh what a day!

DD has the last four molars coming in and is a miserable kiddo. The stress of getting our house ready to sell and the stress of finding money for the house we want to buy isn't helping anyone relax either.

Well, this morning around five dd woke up and promptly kicked me in the eye! My eye was open, and so I wound up with a huge corneal abrasion. DD is screaming, I'm bleeding and trying to put together an ice pack, and dh is trying to get dd to calm down and go back to sleep. I take some tylenol, and begin the ice pack on for a minute, off for a minute routine (dd is a crazy kid, DH and I have learned ALL about toddler induced corneal abrasions and don't even go to the doctor anymore).

Anyway, we have to get up by 7. But DH turned off the alarm while I was stumbling blind around the kitchen. So we got up closer to 8. DD was still miserable and crying over everything as I rushed about the kitchen trying to get everything ready for work. Dh said he'd bring dd's teddy bear down but instead he fell back asleep! So DD is standing at the bottom of the stairs screaming "sleepy bear! sleepy bear! sleepy bear!" over and over, my right eye is swollen shut and leaking tears, and I'm trying to prepare lunches/get the coffee going/start breakfast/set out meds/etc. I keep telling DD..."Sleepy bear is coming, dada is bringing sleepy bear" until finally I shout up the stairs (to discover dh barely awake and wondering what the fuss is about).

He jumps out of bed and runs to the stairs to toss down sleepy bear (as I am climbing the stairs and dd wails at the bottom) but...we've been doing some home improvements and he forgot to put some of his tools away last night. So he slipped at the top of the stairs on a screw driver and fell down the stairs. I managed to stop him before he took us both out, but he now has bruises up his side and back, and he actually cut his leg open in a few places on the stair treads!

So I'm doing the pirate routine with one eye, he's bleeding on the stairs, dd is consoling sleepy bear, and....wellllll....

I got to work and ate a giant chocolate chip cookie. GD and the healthy diet be damned. Today is a cookie day. Maybe two cookies. I don't know yet. Heck, maybe I'll even have THREE cookies! Bwa ha ha!

Sigh...I'm about ready to go back to bed. But this is probably it for the day, right? Right?

Oh my goodness...how is your eye healing!!!

[wombatclay]

Actually, my eye is healing fine. In case anyone else is blessed with a "poke em in the eye" child (Laia has sent DH to the emergency room twice with eye injuries, and I've been awarded three seperate corneal abrasions), here's the quick "cure":

A corneal abrasion is painful, and icky, and you look horrid but there isn't much medicine can do for you. They'll look for cuts and send you home with a very large bill and a very small bottle of antibiotic eye ointment with orders to report to the doctor if you start runninga fever or puss/ick starts coming out of your eye. (yum!)

After paying for a few of these visits (and checking with EMT friends), I figured out a home cure...as soon as you get smacked, take two tylenol. Rinse out the eye as well as you can with an eye wash or saline mix (eye drops are fine if they are just plain saline/lube stuff. DON'T use the "get the red out" style or you will wish you'd died. And you can make your own saline with a little salt and water.) Once you've taken your tylenol and rinsed your eye, find something cold (I used a bag of frozen peas this time, but anything cool will do) and hold it over your closed eye for one minute. Remove the cold pack and place the palm of you hand gently over the closed eye for one minute (to warm the area a little). Then repeat this one minute cold, one minute warm routine for as long as you can...I shoot for about a half hour to an hour if possible.

Then use those gentle eye drops or saline during the next several hours to help everything stay moist...an abrasion feels like you've got sand in your eye but the extra moisture will help. They sell special "goopy"/lube eye drops at most stores and we keep some of those aroundfor these situations.

If your eye isn't feeling better within 12 hours, if you start running a fever, or if there's more discharge from your eye (and it's getting thicker or nasty) then get thee to the doctor...they may want to put you on oral antibiotics as well as a topical eye gel.

Although DD seems to go for the eyes a lot, it could be worse...one of my friends broke her father's nose three seperate times as a babe! She'd just lean back and "SMACKO!!!!!". It's amazing she became a mild mannered librarian guru instead of a wrestler with that sort of start.

[jstar]

i haven't looked for a doula yet and i was planning to. now i'm scared they'll all be booked up! time to get on it if i'm going to get one. i would really need one that is strong and capable in a hospital environment so those questions and pointers are really good. i didn't have a doula last time, just my dh. i counted on supportive nurses. my first nurse was not so great. the 2nd one was wonderful. i don't know if i should roll the dice like that again. i know you can request a new nurse but i am not that kind of person. it would be easier to have a doula to do it. then again part of me thinks i should just save the $600 or whatever it would be. it is a lot of money. i'm really torn! i have high trust in my OB. i just know he won't be there until the end so the nurses are the real gamble. i guess i better decide soon.

i went to the chiropractor yesterday and it was BLISSFUL. i did not want him to stop. EVER.

i get super shooting pains on both sides of my abdomen if i stand up too quickly. not sure if it is the round ligaments or just my strained abdominal muscles.

[rock_dr]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

Sorry for such a long post...hope something in it helps!

It DOES, thanks! sorry for the doula threadjacking, it's just my current obsession,

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by rock_dr

Jillian: oh, I'm ALL about 'what if something goes wrong' when interviewing doulas. Maybe too much so. I flat out present scenarios (I end up with a hospital transfer and, despite having been told that I do not consent to an episiotomy, doc reaches for scissors as I'm pushing. What do you do to help protect me as a client?). Responses I'm getting are pretty standard: I am there for you, but I am not there to speak for you or to stand between your care providers and you. Seems like in a drastic case they would speak up and say loudly 'now you said you did not consent to an episiotomy, RIGHT?'

does this sound about right to you? I feel like I'm looking for a knowledgable, nurturing, positive assistant who can turn into an absolute bulldog if I need her. Is that expecting too much?

Yes, as a Doula you cannot speak on behalf of your client. It is something I tell my clients in advance that I will not do. I like to have a code phrase with my clients, so when they are being offered an unnecessary procedure they know. I'll say something like "Do you want to know more about that?" or "Do you want to discuss it with your DH or take a minute to think it over?" Then they say yes and we discuss it without the staff present.

But it still does happen that an OB/MW/Nurse does something without asking. At my sister's birth this past week a nurse was YANKING on her perrineum during pushing and my sis was yelling "ouch". The nurse did not stop, and although my job is not to speak to the staff on her behalf, I said (to my sis) "Is her hand hurting you?" and sis said yes and nurse stopped for a few mins, then went right back to doing it :

We can only do so much as Doulas before we'll get thrown out for interference. I try to educate all of my client's DHs/DPs to speak on mom's behalf. They can't throw a DH/DP out so he can pretty much say anything. Most DP's pick up on my codewords and step in to tell the staff to stop. It's good to give your partner a heads up about this ahead of time so he knows to be your voice. It's also a good idea to let your DH/DP know of all of your wishes so if he sees someone trying to do an episiotomy he will stop them - or he can know what to watch for and when the Doula gives him the signal he can hop between the OB and mom. My own DP would probably knock an OB to the ground for trying to cut me without my consent, he's my bulldog! He's all about protecting me during labor.

[willoLevin]

Originally Posted by Jilian

My own DP would probably knock an OB to the ground for trying to cut me without my consent, he's my bulldog! He's all about protecting me during labor.

I feel so much the same with with DH!

I told DH last time that the doula could be my soft, helpful soother, and that he was to be my BIRTH GUARDIAN! It suits his take-action personality a little better than imagining him somehow magically becoming capable of giving a pleasant massage.

--willo

[wombatclay]

Birthing From Within has a whole chapter for the birth partner, talking about their role as birth guardian. So it might be worth reading (or having your partner read it) to start the discussion about what you hope your partner can/will do to support you while birthing...

[Neve]

Originally Posted by WhiteWax

Hey Mamas... I have a really odd question....

This may seem like a totally strange way to describe the spot I mean but thats the best I can think of. And I'm pretty sure it's not gas or anything funky going on... you know that unmistakable feeling of fetal hiccups???? I felt it around my cervix area today. Maybe I'm not really sure of the placement of my cervix, but the movements are all very internal and very low and feel like they are trying to escape.

so...
1) HAS ANYONE FELT THIS?????

2) Does any one know what's going on, or why or if it something to be concerned about???

It's really odd and it doesn't hurt or anything but it's a little uncomfortable... like, it just doesn't feel *right*.

To answer your questions...

1. YES! I feel this much more than what you describe as the "normal" kicking you felt in your first pregnancy (this is my first pregnancy, so this is normal to me )

2. I'm not concerned at all! I haven't had any bleeding or pain--just that feeling that you describe like extremely light cramping on my cervix right after she punches or kicks or whatever she is doing down there. Then when she moves, it stops.

It's funny--I think ignorance is bliss sometimes. Since this is my first pregnancy this all falls under "normal" for me.

PS--how can you guys tell what position the baby is in???? I can't make heads or tails of what she is doing down there. Can't tell if she's kicking or punching, where her head is, what position etc?

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by Neve

PS--how can you guys tell what position the baby is in???? I can't make heads or tails of what she is doing down there. Can't tell if she's kicking or punching, where her head is, what position etc?

With my first pregnancy I didn't have a clue, but this time around it is easier for me to tell. I've suspected he was head down for a few weeks now because I could feel smaller limb movements closer to my pubic bone (hands and arms) and larger kicks closer to my belly button (feet). I also get the occasional SLAM into my pubic bone (head). Your baby has to be moving quite a bit before you can start distinguising which body part you are feeling. Just pay close attention to where the big movements are and where the small movements are.

You can also palpitate your uterus, but that doesn't work as well until the baby is a little bigger. The head has more bounce to it because it is only connected by the neck. The back feels flat and doesn't have much bounce at all. The feet will usually kick you back when you poke them

Or you could always take the easy way out and have your MW check. My MW checks anyway and she confirmed he was head down at my appointment yesterday. But don't worry if your baby is not head down yet, there is still plenty of time and plenty of room for him/her to move around.

[Robbins0614]

DH finally felt the baby move last night!!! It was a wonderful Valentine's Day moment!!! (I think he probably has felt the baby move before but they were such small movements that he thought it wasn't really the baby. . . ) I've been wanting him to be able to feel the baby for ages now and either the baby doesn't cooperate (stops moving as soon as DH puts his hand on my bump) or DH can't feel it. So, I had a great day!!!