When educated people say they are going to FF

[OGirlieMama]

I just had to share this somewhere, because it really bummed me out. Three friends are pregnant right now. At least one of them (in the context of a larger argument about people insulting parenting choices) just said that she is 99% sure she will formula feed, because she wants her body back after the baby is born. I have been EPing for my preemie twins for 13 months (today!!) and she knows all about it. She's a very educated woman, knows breast is best - she's heard all the arguments. But she's still choosing formula. I was disappointed to hear it, and frankly it made me think less of her. I don't feel comfortable arguing the point with her - mostly because the whole point of the conversation was that people are fed up with people questioning pregnant women/mother's choices. But I keep thinking about it and really feeling irritated about the whole thing.

I guess I'm really a lactivist at heart?

[Caden's Mom]

You betcha. Formula really- rarely- has its place, especially in American society where so many work places are not bf friendly. It chaps my butt though when I hear people unnecessarily supplementing or ff for froo froo reasons. I just don't get it since bf is so much easier the ff. When I WOTH and was pumping, I hated washing bottles with a passion.

I really wish that all formula was by prescription only and that those that didn't use formula somehow got a tax break or a break on their health insurance.

And formula is so expensive. I really just don't get the draw. At all. I understand if its NEEDED, but why choose it?

[eurobin]

Oh man, Bets, I don't know who you're talking about in this case but those feelings have crossed my mind more than once. One argument that secretly angered me was "I was FF and I was fine." You know what? I remember riding in the front seat of the car, unbuckled, STANDING UP, as a toddler or preschooler. But if I said "I rode in the front seat of the car standing up and I was fine" you better believe people would kill me for it! And rightfully so.

I hate the "I was fine" argument. You are lucky that you were fine, just like I was lucky that I didn't fly through the windshield. That doesn't make it right.

I hate the "I want my body back" argument. My body is still my own, thankyouverymuch. I still have an occasional drink, get my haircut, and even fulfill my marital duties. : It's just that my heart belongs to a very special 6 month old girl and I've made the decision to give her the natural, normal start to a healthy life - not start things out subpar.

I hate the "It's hard work" argument because you know what? It wasn't hard work for me. I know you've worked hard to give L&K BM and I know lots of mamas work hard to breastfeed, but just choosing Similac over mama's milk doesn't guarantee an easy time in the first couple of years either. That's insane.

I always want to defend BFing in conversations like that. It's the one parenting issue where I feel it is irresponsible to make a selfish choice. We don't defend people who choose to leave their babies unattended in the tub. We don't defend people who choose to do CIO on 6 week olds. We don't defend people who choose to feed their toddlers nothing but Frito Pie and Chef Boyardee. But heaven forbid we don't defend a woman's right to choose to feed their infants something that we know to be inferior.

Whew. I had that stored up for a while. Feels good to get that out. :-)

[stacyann21]

She wants her body back already?

Not for at least a few more years

I hate the, "we'll do what's best for me" argument because it really isn't an argument. They know breastfeeding is the right thing to do but they don't care because it's not convenient for them. Already picking their best interests over their child's...lovely.

[HomeBirthMommy]

Yes! I was so shocked that my neighbor chose to FF. Why? Because she has a master's degree in NUTRITION! Sheesh. :

[OGirlieMama]

What cracks me up is the convenience argument. There is NOTHING less convenient in the middle of the night than waking up, finding a bottle, making a bottle, warming a bottle, feeding a bottle, then having to wash that bottle later in the day. Trust me, I've done it for a year, with EBM, and at least that was slightly more convenient because I didn't have to mix up powder or anything. And all that "Well my husband can take some of the night feedings" is also bogus because even the one or two times my husband has taken pity on me and said "please sleep and I will deal with the next feeding" I have never once managed to sleep through it.

I know there's the whole "Well if I BF I can't leave my baby for any length of time" argument, but that still doesn't hold water. Haven't people ever heard of a breast pump?

Argh. I try not to get into the argument because I get annoyed when people tell me "well you're pumping still - that's CRAZY!" Yes, I am so crazy.

[gwynthfair]

I don't understand this mentality either.

I NEVER wanted to have kids. I have PCOS and didn't even think I could. So when I accidentally got pregnant, it was rough, to say the least.

Then, when DD was born she wouldn't latch and lost a lot of weight. We had to go through this whole process of trying to feed her at the breast, then try the nipple shield, then pump, then feed her what I pumped; repeat. Every 2 hours. I also have Raynaud's Phenomenon which causes painful burning and shooting pains in the breast during and after nursing. Nevertheless, DD has not had a drop of formula. Why? Because I stepped up to the plate and put her needs first. I just think if you're going to do something, do it right.

And I haven't even gone through a tenth of the struggles that many moms have. I'm continually amazed at the lengths some women will go to to get bm for their babies (like the OP - EPing for twins! ). After you read these stories it's pretty hard to respect someone for choosing to FF for such superficial reasons.

(I just want to add that I don't mean any disrespect to moms who couldn't breastfeed or had to supplement.)

[TigerTail]

lame. my 4 yr old just fell off the coffee table, and nothing is more convenient than calming his fear through a five-minute comfort nurse. (he is currently patting my cheek and saying in a tiny voice, "i love you, mama".)

having children is damn 'inconvenient' if you want to look at it that way- 'having' to snuggle them thru an illness, trips to er, putting on snowsuits to play outside... bah. putting them on the tit is the least inconvenient thing in the world, for most people. nursing tops and a good pump take care of most of the rest.

[annettemarie]

Ladies, let's be aware of the forum guidelines when posting, please.

The Lactivism forum is not intended to be a place where MDCers to bash mothers who are formula feeding. It is understandable that lactivists become frustrated over the mainstream formula feeding culture. Criticizing ideas, campaigns, and actions that negatively impact breastfeeding are all acceptable forms of lactivism. Name calling, criticizing individuals, or attacking women who choose to formula feed as a group are not.

[Firemom]

I never quite understood the "I want my body back" mentality. What does this really mean?

No matter how you feed a baby, you still have to do everything for them.

For me, I went back to work, I also taught fitness classes, and lead life very similar to the one I had before, except I had a baby with me.

My body was still mine.

[songbh]

There is one stark reason why I never -- NEVER -- judge women who choose not to breastfeed.

Past experiences of sexual abuse or rape can make breastfeeding into literal torture for some women. And sexual violence, whether in childhood or adulthood, is so shockingly common in our society, that actually the chances are quite good that at least a few of the non-breastfeeding mothers you know have had that experience.

Some women who are survivors of sexual abuse or rape can breastfeed, and they may find it to be a healing and empowering experience. But there are different paths towards healing, and at different stages along the way, breastfeeding may not be a feasible option.

Women are entitled to privacy. No mother should feel required to divulge her past victimization to anyone as justification for how she feeds her child. And so when I hear reasons for not breastfeeding that seem irrational, trivial, or selfish -- I try hard to listen with compassion and keep my mouth shut. I do not and cannot know what might lie behind those statements.

I feel strongly that as a lactivist, the target for my passion and outrage is the many and powerful structures and institutions that prevent women from breastfeeding. Individual mothers are not my enemy.

[rebelbets]

Originally Posted by OGirlieMama

she is 99% sure she will formula feed, because she wants her body back after the baby is born.

Do you mean she wants her body back, as in, she wants it to be her "own" again? Or she wants her figure back? Because dude, breastfeeding is the best diet I've ever been on in my life. I'm practically smaller than I was in high school!

I keep telling people I'm going to BF my kid until he's in college, just so I can continue to eat cookies all day and avoid the gym.

[rambunctiouscurls]

Umm didn't she know that breastfeeding helps you get your body back? That's a very selfish reason not to bf, IMO and not even one that holds much water. Breastfeeding burns 500 calories a day!

[Mama Poot]

It is pretty crazy. Attitudes like that make me : and wonder if I'm the crazy one. When I had an unexpected pregnancy and lost my milk supply, FORCING me to giving my then 6 month old firstborn formula, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I was depressed, even suicidal at times because I couldn't nurse him anymore. But then someone wants to come along and not even try. Can't even speak my mind on how that makes me feel

[stacyann21]

I understand that feeling Mama Poot

No matter how you feed a baby, you still have to do everything for them.

I also agree with this. Unless of course, you are CIO, leaving dc in a swing 24/7 and in the care of others from a very early age

[mama24-7]

For people willing to have the discussion, I ask: "what attracts you to artificial infant feeding?" Perhaps this may work?

Good luck,
Sus

[jarynsmom06]

It irks me when a mother decides to formula feed and knows how much better BF is. I went to a small baby shower for a girl I work with the other day and there was a little discussion about BF. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying more and pissing anyone off. Her mom was talking about how Samantha wanted all these cute bottles and she told her she should buy the playtex drop ins. My boss chimed in and said why doesn't she just BF. Her mom made this weird looking face and said...UGH while shaking her head. My boss said how much better it was for the baby, how much more convenient and cheaper it was. Then she looked at me and said Jennifer knows all about it. I told Samantha that is was a million times better for the baby than formula. Her mom said that Samantha tends to be whiney sometimes and she probably couldn't do it. I told her that if she was determined to do it she could do it period. I also told her that if she has any questions or needed help she could call me anytime. Her mom said " well, she will be going back to work and that will be hard too" My boss says" Jennifer pumps all the time at work" Her mom- " well what will she say when she has to go pump to the guys"My boss- "um....she has to go pump, the guys here are used to it by now, they don't care, they have actually asked Jennifer how the pump works" Then the room got quiet. Nothing else was really said. I just think it's silly that women especially think BF is gross. My boss told me later that she has known her mom for a long time and when she ( my boss) breastfed, she thought it was gross then too. I really have to give props to my boss cause she was right there with me the whole time backing me and going on about how much better BF was. I think formula is good for those who need it. I have to suppliment and I am thankful there is something there for me to have. I hate having to use it but my baby has to eat. I just don't get why someone would CHOOSE to BF aside for sexual abuse past. i don't know. I guess I will just offer my help and support and that's all I can do.

[Shantimama]

Originally Posted by songbh

There is one stark reason why I never -- NEVER -- judge women who choose not to breastfeed.

Past experiences of sexual abuse or rape can make breastfeeding into literal torture for some women. And sexual violence, whether in childhood or adulthood, is so shockingly common in our society, that actually the chances are quite good that at least a few of the non-breastfeeding mothers you know have had that experience.

Some women who are survivors of sexual abuse or rape can breastfeed, and they may find it to be a healing and empowering experience. But there are different paths towards healing, and at different stages along the way, breastfeeding may not be a feasible option.

Women are entitled to privacy. No mother should feel required to divulge her past victimization to anyone as justification for how she feeds her child. And so when I hear reasons for not breastfeeding that seem irrational, trivial, or selfish -- I try hard to listen with compassion and keep my mouth shut. I do not and cannot know what might lie behind those statements.

I feel strongly that as a lactivist, the target for my passion and outrage is the many and powerful structures and institutions that prevent women from breastfeeding. Individual mothers are not my enemy.

[intorainbowz]

Originally Posted by stacyann21

I understand that feeling Mama Poot


I also agree with this. Unless of course, you are CIO, leaving dc in a swing 24/7 and in the care of others from a very early age

Please don't judge those of use who have our children in substitute care. Until you have walking in our shoes, you have no idea.

I am the breadwinner and health insurance carrier while DH is in college. I used most of my paid leave on bed rest. I went back part time 2 weeks after having her, and worked through the remainder of her NICU stay. I had one week of unpaid time off when she came home. After that, she was with family members for a month before going to day care.

I love my daughter very much and she is very bonded to me. I do not CIO and she is not in the swing 24/7. The realities of my family's income and health insurance needs dictated our situation. I would have loved more time, but I was only allowed the 12 FMLA weeks. Had there been more time available, I would have taken it. I would have not had to use 6 weeks on bed rest, but that was the hand dealt.

[Equuskia]

Originally Posted by stacyann21

I understand that feeling Mama Poot


I also agree with this. Unless of course, you are CIO, leaving dc in a swing 24/7 and in the care of others from a very early age

Originally Posted by intorainbowz

Please don't judge those of use who have our children in substitute care. Until you have walking in our shoes, you have no idea....

I think you missed what stacyann's trying to say. SHe is talking about people who practice detachment parenting. No one said that you personally do all these things just because you put your baby in someone else's care (I had to as well 45 days pp), but there are other mothers out there that are NOT attached to their babies, and see them as a burden to be thrust unto others. Mothers who won't breastfeed because then they can't smoke, go out to drink with their friends or because their husband or bf thinks bfing is gross.