Daughter & son not getting along...

[allye]

I have five children in total - 3 of which I had joint custody with their father and primary residence being with him.

So my now 4 yr old daughter was used to being on her own, we would visit her brothers of course, but she was used to them living with their dad, and her living with me (different fathers)

Now...flash forward to recently. In June of last year my oldest son came to live with me (long story!) permanently ... and my daughter & son just most of the time do not get along.

He's used to being with his brothers, and they would pick on each other, play fight etc...whereas my daughter isn't the play fight type - she would rather have her little tea parties watching Dora the Explorer...

So im trying to think of ways to somehow bring them together. I understand with him being 13 and having a huge pile of deficits against him (ADHD, ODCD, austism spectrum possibly!) and her being four, they really do not have much in common...

But I would like to make this fun for them! I would like them to enjoy each other and not be fighting and bickering all of the time...

What would one suggest? What could get the attention of a four and 13 yr old?

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

How about getting them involved with something that you like to do. Something that isn't a preschooler thing or a preteen/teenager thing. Do you like to garden? or make crafts or volentier. They could help out each in their own age apropriate way.

The other thing is that they are going to be very diferant because there is such a huge age diferance and they are not used to each other. I hope you are making sure they each have enough privecy.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan

How about getting them involved with something that you like to do. Something that isn't a preschooler thing or a preteen/teenager thing. Do you like to garden? or make crafts or volentier. They could help out each in their own age apropriate way.

The other thing is that they are going to be very diferant because there is such a huge age diferance and they are not used to each other. I hope you are making sure they each have enough privecy.

ITA w/this. I just wanted to add that I am 8 years older than my brother and growing up we didn't do much together because of the age gap.(as adults though we are pretty cool) My own children are 13.5 years apart and while my son adores his baby sister, the reality is they will not probably connect as siblings for a very long time. I don't know that I would expect them to have a common ground other than belonging to the same family but that's just me.

Shay

[mamarhu]

14 and 15 year age gaps here, and I echo the above sentiments - they really just don't have much in common. It hasn't changed much yet (at 10, 11, and 25), except that ElderSon no longer lives with us.

One great board game that doesn't much favor older players is "Blockus". In my house, the then 5 year old won as often as the 20 year old! We aren't generally much of a game playing family, but if you are, maybe you could find card or board games that you all could enjoy together (so you'd be there to referee if necessary).