This isn't a major issue but it has left me feeling down and annoyed. My 2 youngest dc and I stayed at a long-term friends house for a night recently. Cut long story short, my son 9 and her son 11 stayed in same room( her son lives with dad and doesn't stay much with mum anymore so we like to get together all of us) Friends son had mobile phone and left it lying on floor in bedroom all night. In morning friend asked the boys to tidy up their stuff so they did. Friends son says he can't find his phone so we all look hi and lo still no phone. I looked thru all our bags and sleeping bags as we were packing up, ask own son to look thru his bag, he does so and we still don't find phone. I decide to double-check our bags and find phone in my sons bag, so I told him he should have looked properly and that it was a good job I looked again, bla bla.
Anyway friend says to me in kitchen that I had just let my son off lightly and had not dealt with the 'situation' effectively as a parent or words to that effect, and I say well I told him he should have been more thorough, I always pull my dc up about it when they do something amiss. Anyway it seemed to me like she was sort of accusing my son of more than just not looking properly. I got annoyed and pulled her up about it, my son got gurny and upset cos I did. Now I'm not saying my son is an angel but if we had found that the phone had come home with us it would have got posted straight back and she knows that, my son would never have got to use/keep it, and he would have got treats(swimming, cash for games, sleepover with mates) stopped for doing such a thing and he knows it,ridiculous. Friend then brought up that my son had taken a small dinky car of her sons oh about 5 years ago when my son was 4,it was her sons fave car at time, I returned it when I found it and apologised. She has also asked many times after staying at ours if we have such and such that her son has lost someplace on their travels and seems dissatisfied when I say no but I'll certainly look. I know we are poor and all that but perleeze!! I don't know how many hours I have looked for her sons stuff which may or may not have been left at ours.
I feel really crap about this, my son said he didnt try to steal this phone, I didn't know wether to believe him when he said he, no way tried to steal it, by this time I was fed up with it all as friends son is constantly losing stuff. He is diagnosed adhd and maybe thats why he loses stuff a lot, he's a great kid.
My friend of long-standing could not live with her son anymore and couldn't cope with major stress when her son was younger, she never lets him try stuff out for himself, like making a sandwich for himself, purely cos he might have made a mess,and it's scary being there with my dc as she has an immaculate house with beautiful belongings and my dc might drop some food or something on her carpets/ couch/hangings etc it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel like she is constantly nit-picking my parenting and the way I have my home also, she admits to being a hygiene freak. I have 3dc, am a single-parent and our home is far from immaculate, thats the way we like it. I have no time for crap like this and know dirt from dirt.I feel like she expects children to almost be seen and not heard, she can't relax with her son when he's with her and everythings very uptight, there's no chillin out and just enjoying time spent with dc. I would not dare suggest to her that her parenting skills need honed and when I suggested ONE time only that she try and chill out a bit with her son and work as a team, she couldn't get past the fact I brought it up and just got annoyed. I have friends who all live very different lives and value them all. I care a lot about this friend and turn a blind eye to most stuff that bugs me but I'm really miffed/hurt bout this cos I feel like I let my son down as she seemed happier when I gave him a telling off for what she said was telling a fib about not searching his bag right, but really, she was, imo, underhandedly accusing him of stealing. Should I tell her this or just leave it go? How can we be real friends if we can't talk openly? and like I say this one time is one of the few times I've lost my patience, she furtively /not openly accused my son, I can take constructive criticism or whatever. She makes me feel quite bad at times for lots reasons, like she is very academic and has just trained as a primary teacher and she has always, fairly obviously imo,made me feel inferior through her behaviour, and I'm still ploddin on doing part-time cleaning work thru summer whilst single-handed brought my 3 dc up for 15 years, I've recently done a year at college and want to start some art again when time permits, my friend just seems to have gone career woman with no child overnight,and tho we are quite poor financially we are a close family,always hugging and tell each other we love each other every other day and live in quite a run down but loved old cottage miles from anywhere and just live a different life which we enjoy and cherish cos we've had it rough over the years. If you got this far thanks, any feedback would be appreciated, I love this friend very much, have known her for 26 years,but am getting bit worn down over time with her superior behaviour, we are both very emotional people and maybe not communicating very well but I am sick of being, what I consider,belittled. Should I just get over it?Am I being over worked about this? Feedback most welcome, whatever the form.
Anyway friend says to me in kitchen that I had just let my son off lightly and had not dealt with the 'situation' effectively as a parent or words to that effect, and I say well I told him he should have been more thorough, I always pull my dc up about it when they do something amiss. Anyway it seemed to me like she was sort of accusing my son of more than just not looking properly. I got annoyed and pulled her up about it, my son got gurny and upset cos I did. Now I'm not saying my son is an angel but if we had found that the phone had come home with us it would have got posted straight back and she knows that, my son would never have got to use/keep it, and he would have got treats(swimming, cash for games, sleepover with mates) stopped for doing such a thing and he knows it,ridiculous. Friend then brought up that my son had taken a small dinky car of her sons oh about 5 years ago when my son was 4,it was her sons fave car at time, I returned it when I found it and apologised. She has also asked many times after staying at ours if we have such and such that her son has lost someplace on their travels and seems dissatisfied when I say no but I'll certainly look. I know we are poor and all that but perleeze!! I don't know how many hours I have looked for her sons stuff which may or may not have been left at ours.
I feel really crap about this, my son said he didnt try to steal this phone, I didn't know wether to believe him when he said he, no way tried to steal it, by this time I was fed up with it all as friends son is constantly losing stuff. He is diagnosed adhd and maybe thats why he loses stuff a lot, he's a great kid.
My friend of long-standing could not live with her son anymore and couldn't cope with major stress when her son was younger, she never lets him try stuff out for himself, like making a sandwich for himself, purely cos he might have made a mess,and it's scary being there with my dc as she has an immaculate house with beautiful belongings and my dc might drop some food or something on her carpets/ couch/hangings etc it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel like she is constantly nit-picking my parenting and the way I have my home also, she admits to being a hygiene freak. I have 3dc, am a single-parent and our home is far from immaculate, thats the way we like it. I have no time for crap like this and know dirt from dirt.I feel like she expects children to almost be seen and not heard, she can't relax with her son when he's with her and everythings very uptight, there's no chillin out and just enjoying time spent with dc. I would not dare suggest to her that her parenting skills need honed and when I suggested ONE time only that she try and chill out a bit with her son and work as a team, she couldn't get past the fact I brought it up and just got annoyed. I have friends who all live very different lives and value them all. I care a lot about this friend and turn a blind eye to most stuff that bugs me but I'm really miffed/hurt bout this cos I feel like I let my son down as she seemed happier when I gave him a telling off for what she said was telling a fib about not searching his bag right, but really, she was, imo, underhandedly accusing him of stealing. Should I tell her this or just leave it go? How can we be real friends if we can't talk openly? and like I say this one time is one of the few times I've lost my patience, she furtively /not openly accused my son, I can take constructive criticism or whatever. She makes me feel quite bad at times for lots reasons, like she is very academic and has just trained as a primary teacher and she has always, fairly obviously imo,made me feel inferior through her behaviour, and I'm still ploddin on doing part-time cleaning work thru summer whilst single-handed brought my 3 dc up for 15 years, I've recently done a year at college and want to start some art again when time permits, my friend just seems to have gone career woman with no child overnight,and tho we are quite poor financially we are a close family,always hugging and tell each other we love each other every other day and live in quite a run down but loved old cottage miles from anywhere and just live a different life which we enjoy and cherish cos we've had it rough over the years. If you got this far thanks, any feedback would be appreciated, I love this friend very much, have known her for 26 years,but am getting bit worn down over time with her superior behaviour, we are both very emotional people and maybe not communicating very well but I am sick of being, what I consider,belittled. Should I just get over it?Am I being over worked about this? Feedback most welcome, whatever the form.
