How to apply "The Secret" to difficult family members

[TranscendentalMom]

How would you apply the law of attraction to dealing with family members are toxic? Just get away from them?

[Arduinna]

I declare peace and harmony indwell and surround me at all times. All is well.

if that includes the need to cut people from yoru life, so be it. I've done it before and it was a positive step in the right direction.

[ombra*luna]

This is one of my biggest Secret successes so far! I am having some great results with my stbx, who, when he lived with us, was so nasty and abusive to all of us, that I ended up having to have the police remove him permanently from our home.

Yet, I still have the great fortune : of having my wonderful, sensitive stbx in my life, mainly because we are (thanks to an intelligent, sensible family court judge who, in his wisdom, railroaded us into joint custody) cooperatively co-parenting our fabulous five-year-old, who we both agree is deserving of the most nurturing and loving parents on earth.

I'll be back later with some detailed techniques, and more concrete examples of exactly how this is working - my kids need me right now.

[ombra*luna]

OK the truth is, I was going to come back and post my tips about how I am succesfully using The Secret to have a good relationship with my stbx last night after the kids went to bed. However, he (x) was in a yucky mood last night, he talked meanly to me and I thought he was going against ds's best interests by forcing ds to do something he didn't want to do, when he wasn't feeling well (i.e. go to an outdoor winter party and then go to sleep over at x's house). Last night, I was weak and tired and run-down, so I permitted him to trigger old feelings that brought me down to the level of "Oh, what was I thinking, he isn't getting it, I was fooling myself" even to the point of feeling like a jerk that I had posted here about how it was working. I was sad all night, and got nothing done, and went to bed feeling bad.

However, in the morning, I spoke to x and he actually called me for a "consultation" - wanting to know what he should do about making ds go to school although he said he didn't want to go. I told him if it were me, I would try to get ds to go to school, not by force but by going around the back door (metaphorically) and reframing ds's mood, to see if I could get him to go. X and I both work outside the home, and as it happens it's not a fortuitous time for me to take time off at the moment, nor is it for X. (I am so happy and grateful that my job -whatever that job is going to be, whether it's a new job or a new pattern in my current job - offers me flexibility as well as the money and benefits I need, and I really enjoy being able to change my work hours to fit the needs of my family and myself, and to work from home when it's needed. I am happy and grateful that my home is organized in such a manner that this is possible for me to work there on projects of any scale, with complete professionalism and results that make me happy and help others.)

Anyway, I allowed myself to be despondent last night b/c X didn't call me back, even, to say how ds was doing. But by morning, he was apologizing and asking me for advice. Today he cared for ds who was home sick -then when my dd got home from school, X brought ds over to my place so dd could care for him. He explained how I had hurt his feelings last night (I had no idea how important to x that the event was that he wanted to go to with ds) and I acknowledged that and I apologized. I reminded X that he is free to choose how he will behave - like "ass**** X" or like "wonderful nurturing cooperative coparent of ds" X, and how much better he feels inside when he chooses to behave like "nurturing cooperative dad and nice agreeable x". (I picked up on how bad it must feel to be a mean dad to your young child, and how X probably feels like garbage when he finds himself forcing ds to stay with him or other not-so-nice behavior like yelling at me in front of ds, etc.)

Bad night, great day today. Not a good day for me to be away from work, so it was cool that ds could stay at X's today for a while. Tomorrow, we will try something else. But it's late, and I know I could be - will be - am - clearer after I get some sleep (now). I will come back and read this, and if it's total sleep-deprived gibberish, I'll rewrite so you can see a clear outline of how I have used (am using) The Secret to transform what was, for years until recently, a super toxic relationship with X into a positive coparenting partnership.

[intentfulady]

love it love it all

love every piece of them.

when you look at them see only the goddess in him/ her.

see only the good king.

[hannahi]

This is what I'm trying to do with my MIL. She has done so much good for our family, yet she has also called me a "slattern" among other things. I think the issue is that she's jealous of me and has a hard time accepting that her son married someone from another culture. Of course, she'll be thousands of miles away in a couple of months when she returns to her home--and I think it will be a lot easier to love her from a distance!

[AngelBee]

:

[Amris]

Find the lesson. Find what the "circumstance" is trying to give you.

When you "get it," the need for the circumstance ceases to exist.

If the circumstance is to teach you to be cautious of others, when you learn that caution, the lesson goes away, because it has been learned.

Find the lesson, and be grateful for it. Then you can move on to the next lesson. :

[Linda on the move]

My often difficult sister is zigging while I zag. I think that when you practice LoA and intend postive people and events, this is pretty common. They just often just sort of vibrate out of your life.

I'm also working on focusing on her positive traits when I think about her, which is still quite difficult for me. She is mental ill and has thus far refused treatment, and it is much easier to see her flaws. I have managed to come up with 2 good points so far, and I've written them in my Book of Positive Aspects, and I try to reminded myself of them when she crosses my mind.