Another long discussion with my 17 y/0 son today and I'm exhausted.
I usually hang out on the home birth and Toledo areas boards but this is a different issue.
My problem is the DS feels he should be allowed to do his chores when he feels like it- i.e., not tired from school, sports, work. This often means that when I get home from work that the dishes have not been done from the previous night's dinner and breakfast/lunch that day. And dinner still needs to be made. This means I yell at him for not having things done because I'm already tired and the family is asking when I'll have dinner ready. There are other issues like why can't someone else make the meal (DH cooks 2-3 night/wk.and works 3 afternoon shifts on other days) and why don't we ground him or his brother as this continues to be a problem (trying to be respectful of how busy everyone else is and to be flexible because we are all busy).
The crux of the whole issue seems to be that he feels his time with his friends is as important as anything else (school/hockey/work). That how the time is spent shouldn't have to do with whether or not it generates income that contributes to family well being and basics. He also feels we are terribly unfair about the amount of stuff we make him do. He and his brother have to clean their bathroom each week, take care of their two dogs, and take the organic waste out to the compost pile. He feels we are really unfair when we delay his leaving to be with friends when he hasn't done his chores that day or even taken his dog for a short walk when he knows he'll be gone for several hours.
None of his friends have any chores to do by his report, or they are paid for "helping out". He feels we severely curtail his freedom and if he is going to have all this responsibility he should be able to stay out much later during the week and weekends (curfew is 11 for school nights and 12 for non-school nights).
He was home schooled for the first 15 years and all of his current friends were always in public schools. Chores and helping out at home were always part of what our homeschooling friends considered part of familiy life. it was the same when I was a kid.
I'm not sure his friends are good examples of teen responsibility- one has a DUI and lost his license till he's 18, one has several tattoos that his dad took him for, one smoked a lot of MJ, but gave it up for parent sanctioned cigars. One kid bounces back and forth bewteen his parents' home depending on who he is not unhappy with at the time, dad took him to a strip club and for a tatto for his 18th BD.
Sorry this is so long. I should have expected the teen years would be a mess when everyone kept telling me what a good, sweet child he was.
Any advice welcome.
I usually hang out on the home birth and Toledo areas boards but this is a different issue.
My problem is the DS feels he should be allowed to do his chores when he feels like it- i.e., not tired from school, sports, work. This often means that when I get home from work that the dishes have not been done from the previous night's dinner and breakfast/lunch that day. And dinner still needs to be made. This means I yell at him for not having things done because I'm already tired and the family is asking when I'll have dinner ready. There are other issues like why can't someone else make the meal (DH cooks 2-3 night/wk.and works 3 afternoon shifts on other days) and why don't we ground him or his brother as this continues to be a problem (trying to be respectful of how busy everyone else is and to be flexible because we are all busy).
The crux of the whole issue seems to be that he feels his time with his friends is as important as anything else (school/hockey/work). That how the time is spent shouldn't have to do with whether or not it generates income that contributes to family well being and basics. He also feels we are terribly unfair about the amount of stuff we make him do. He and his brother have to clean their bathroom each week, take care of their two dogs, and take the organic waste out to the compost pile. He feels we are really unfair when we delay his leaving to be with friends when he hasn't done his chores that day or even taken his dog for a short walk when he knows he'll be gone for several hours.
None of his friends have any chores to do by his report, or they are paid for "helping out". He feels we severely curtail his freedom and if he is going to have all this responsibility he should be able to stay out much later during the week and weekends (curfew is 11 for school nights and 12 for non-school nights).
He was home schooled for the first 15 years and all of his current friends were always in public schools. Chores and helping out at home were always part of what our homeschooling friends considered part of familiy life. it was the same when I was a kid.
I'm not sure his friends are good examples of teen responsibility- one has a DUI and lost his license till he's 18, one has several tattoos that his dad took him for, one smoked a lot of MJ, but gave it up for parent sanctioned cigars. One kid bounces back and forth bewteen his parents' home depending on who he is not unhappy with at the time, dad took him to a strip club and for a tatto for his 18th BD.
Sorry this is so long. I should have expected the teen years would be a mess when everyone kept telling me what a good, sweet child he was.
Any advice welcome.
If he doesn't have food then there won't be as many dirty dishes. It's your house and you have rules that need to be followed.
