OMG...Need help,seriously ASAP!

[L&IsMama]

I am at a total loss here...my 2yr old ds is going absolutely insane on me. He's grabbing anything he can find and throwing it at me,hitting me,scratching me,you name it,he's tried it. I am in my room with the door locked right now and he's out there with DH and brother,trying to hurt them. All I hear is shrieking,and laughing (he thinks its the funniest thing ever: ) and dh telling him to go to his room and sit there.

I tried telling him that he's hurting me,and even showed him the mark he put on my foot with his toy,I've walked away from him,and finally I just yelled at him ,slammed my bedroom door and went into my room,and here I am,basically hiding from my 2 yr old who has it out for me.

I seem to go totally blank on how to handle these situations when they are actually happening. These outbursts are becoming a daily occurence for him. He has even scratched his older brother hard enough to draw blood a few weeks ago while I was in the bathroom. He looked like he had been attacked by a cat.

Seriously,I can't keep just leaving the room when he's freaking out on me. I don't understand why he's doing this! It seems beyond typical toddler frustration,it is actually violent! And he laughs the whole time. Tantrums I can deal with,but when he's trying to hurt me,or his brother,I am at a total loss.

[mama2walden&luna]

Wow, I wish I had a definite solution for you, but all I have is a couple of suggestions. When my 2 year old gets really tired, she sometimes used to hit over and over and think it's funny. We did a lot of "time-out" sessions, in which we put her in her high chair so she couldn't get out and run. It seemed extreme to us, but it was the only way we could get her to sit in one place and not get to us to hit us. After a couple of minutes, she would calm down and we would explain to her what was going on. We sat with her the whole time so she wouldn't feel scared or abandoned.
Also, my best friend had a hitting, biting toddler and I know she used a lot of time-out's as well. I don't know if it would work for you, but, it's worth mentioning.

[Momsteader]

What about 'time-in'? For a younger toddler, I would bring them to my lap and physically hold them and keep them from hurting me or themselves and talk gently to them and use soothing words trying to get them to calm down. Repeatedly saying that 'When you are calm and safe, I will let you up to <do x..play, run, whatever he was wanting to do>' 'I want you to be safe, so I am going to hold you here with me until you are able to not <do whatever it is he was doing>. The first time or two, I guarantee he will shriek and scream and it will seem worse than it was before, but it has worked for me with several children, including one who was pretty out of control as you mention--hitting, biting, throwing things at me. Keep your voice calm and level the entire time, even when they are screaming. Just let them get it all out. They will 'soothe' and become 'soft' in your arms and calm. Then you can have a moment of relaxing your hold to a more loving and affection giving position and let them know you are so glad they were able to get out what was bothering them and so glad they can get back to x. Love you. Hugs. Run off and play. Repeat as needed.

Once they realize that you are providing a safe place for them 'get it all out' and then get on with things, they do great. After a while, most of the time, you can have them just come and sit 'with' you for a little bit and settle down enough.

As the root of the issue, is he very verbal? Perhaps he's frustrated that he cannot communicate his needs to you guys. Empathy is still hard for a 2 yo to 'get' sometimes. They understand they 'hurt' you, but still might not be old enough to 'get' the connection of the why and how.

Hugs mama!!! I have an intense little one who is now a joy, but those first few years....ouuchhie! They were rough!

[irinam]

How is his diet? Many things that are found in food may trigger behavioral reaction.

Any artificial colors? Newly introduced foods (cow's milk)?

[mavery]

Originally Posted by CrunchyClark

What about 'time-in'? For a younger toddler, I would bring them to my lap and physically hold them and keep them from hurting me or themselves and talk gently to them and use soothing words trying to get them to calm down. Repeatedly saying that 'When you are calm and safe, I will let you up to <do x..play, run, whatever he was wanting to do>' 'I want you to be safe, so I am going to hold you here with me until you are able to not <do whatever it is he was doing>.

I still do this with my ds who is three. It does work. I can also now ask him what will help him calm down (and he can come up with things - like a drink or a cuddle or a story), but for now I would do just what CrunchyClark did. I keep emphasising that I love him and need both him and me to be safe and I'm holding him to keep us safe and help him feel calmer and ...... so it's clearly not punitive restraint. I also find that "ssshing", like you might with baby, is very calming to him.

[mama2walden&luna]

Time in sounds like a good idea, I'm going to try that next time!

[dctexan]

Big thumbs up for the "Time In" (never heard it called that BTW). It really does work.

[L&IsMama]

I don't really feel comfortable with the holding him when he resists. I found this book called 'Holding Time',and it talks about that,and I really am not comfortable with doing that. I will hold him if he wants me to but if he starts resisting,I just don't feel that I should hold him against his will. And I don't like time-outs. We have tried them in the past : ,and it just seems silly to me now. I do ask him to sit with me on the sofa,chair or wherever and try to sidtract,but it seldom works when he's flying all over the house.

I read on another thread about a book called 'Is this your child' on how to recognise and treat food allergies,and ALOT of the symptoms and behavior are just like my ds's,so I checked it out from the library. I am wondering now if alot of it is his diet. :

[chitowndoula]

The time-in sounds great. Here are some safety pointers for both of you.
Sit cross-legged on the floor, and pull him into your lap facing out. Reaching around his body with your left arm hold his right arm into his belly. Make sure to keep your thumb alinged with the rest of your fingers to prevent squeezing his wrist (even though he is out of control he is still fragile. Repeat your right holding his left. It is VERY IMPORTANT to hold him arm into his body and NOT pull them across his body. Keep your head off to the side so that is he throws his head back it won't break your nose. Do NOT hold him to the floor as he can suffocate. As he relaxes you can progressivly loosen your grip until he is able to sit with you by choice and talk with you about what just happened. Good luck!

[4evermom]

My ds used to behave like that. Although he would be laughing, he would not be happy. I would hold him until he either calmed down or, more usually, until he got out of that mode by being upset in a different way. But I would let him go as soon as he was no longer going to hurt anyone (Holding Time suggests holding through all the struggling and crying until the child is calm and snuggly). Not holding him wasn't an option because he would keep coming at me or dh unrelentingly.

He was always a high needs, sensitive, spirited child. The things that seemed to make his behavior worse were being tired, hungry, or being around controlling people (Dh would set him off by saying no about something arbitrarily to something ds usually did, or by doing something ds viewed as unjust).

Much of the time, it seemed to come from nowhere but was a result of feeling generally cranky and bored. I often responded when I could sense the beginnings of this mood, by saying "let's do something fun. What should we do?" If he didn't have an idea, I would suggest something. He responded really well to this kind of immediate positive attention. At one point, I think he was just in the habit of hitting when he wanted some excitement. For about a year, I had to drop what I was doing at the first whiff of trouble and have some fun interactions with him. He responds well to silliness .

[punkprincessmama]

holding time isn't an option for us either, OP, and we don't like Time Outs either. I did sometimes physically pick up dd1 and both of us would go into another room where she could get out her frustrations, I (or dh) would sit in front of the door and she would run around and scream and throw herself on the bed. we would just sit quietly and wait for her to calm down and come to us.

She is very spirited and sensitive, and for whatever reason trying to hold her through a spell makes her so much more upset she almost threw up last time we tried it.

I'm glad you are exploring food alleriges as a possible trigger.

For the most part, with our dds we walk away, but like 4evermom said, if you can see it coming, jump in with some great ideas of fun stuff to do. Bath time is a favorite around here!

[pumpkinseed]

My dd is another one that you absolutely cannot hold when she gets that way(she is 27 months). What works for me is to calmy say to her that I will not let her hurt me or anyone, including herself and step away from her. I would then tell her that I am right here for her -the whole time she can see me-I would just physically separate myself from her-and when she is ready I am right here for her. Usually she calms down pretty quickly-and will come get me. Sometimes, she needs to "get it out"-and it takes a bit longer. I do admit-that at times I have said the "I will not let you hurt me or anyone, including yourself" a bit more sternly than I would have liked-but usually I am quite calm while saying it.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by punkprincessmama

holding time isn't an option for us either, OP, and we don't like Time Outs either. I did sometimes physically pick up dd1 and both of us would go into another room where she could get out her frustrations, I (or dh) would sit in front of the door and she would run around and scream and throw herself on the bed. we would just sit quietly and wait for her to calm down and come to us.

Picking up ds and just LEAVING helped a lot here, too. He frequently calmed down after we left the room. It probably looked pretty mean of me at times (my niece would get upset on ds' behalf) but he would calm down and happily stay with me for snuggles and nursing in the bedroom. He just needs help calming down when he gets "reved up" as it's called in Raising Your Spirited Child.