the pain catches me off guard

[newmommy27]

My dad passed 11 months ago. He was 57 I was 27...I really feel WAY to young to have lost a parent...not to mention my biggest fan.

My dad was amazing and sick and in pain and wholly in love with my mother, my brother and me. He was a type 1 diabetic (diagnosed at 16) he was a cancer survivor (he was considered cancer free for 3 months before he died) and died of a massive heart attack...

He loved me in a way that no person ever will..not my mother, my husband or my son...the sun rose and set on me in his mind and I miss the sheer joy that was me walking in the door

I miss the happiness my son brought to him and I totally resent that fact that I have to cope with a new man in my mother's life (even though all i want is for her to be happy) I hate another man in her home...I hate dealing with my mother seeing someone else...I totally hate how much I like and respect the man my mother is dating and I hate how much I miss my dad...

[damyen's mommy]

[Mommy2Jackson]

Big Mama. I lost my dad almost 5 months ago and I feel the exact same way you felt about him, I was his only girl and very very much a daddy's girl. I lost my dad from suicide so the grief is even more complicated, but it's still a fact that I am 22 and he was 48 and it's too young to die and too young to not have a dad. I just wish he could've got to know my ds better, he was so busy with work and overwhelmed with life....he loved my ds and he brought him joy but he never got to enjoy it.

I don't have any advice to you on your mother dating someone else.....I will say that it's only been 5 months for me but I can't imagine my mom dating anyone else and not sure how it will feel in the future, my parents were such a happy married couple....It's hard to think my mom could ever find anyone else as good as my dad.

I am with you though not an hour goes by that I don't think of him and wish he were here.

[newmommy27]

Hi Mommy2jackson...

Funny my ds is named Jack and we are ttc #2 as well...

in terms of there being someone else in my mother's life it is totally interesting...My mom is dating my dad's best childhood friend...literally a person my dad new since he wad 4 years old...this is someone so close that I have always called him "Uncle Mike"...the long and short is I want joy in my Mom's life and I want to not feel so sad for my own selfish loss

-L

[Mommy2Jackson]

newmommy-
How funny, how old is your Jack??

I think you need to allow yourself to have those feelings and it's not selfish at all to have those feelings, only natural.....your dad whom your mom married and was with for many years is gone and of course no one can replace him. So allow yourself to still mourn and validate your feelings of loss....11 months is not very long.

You know in your heart you want your mom to be happy and have joy and will support whatever she does (as will I with my mom) but it's okay to have those thoughts and feeling that it doesn't feel right. Hope that makes sense....sometimes at this time of the night I don't make sense

[newmommy27]

My Jack is 22 months old and is great and is totally ready for a sibling...I also believe I need to do some work around my dad's passing before that baby comes through..

You are totally making sense...really this is such an emotionally complicated situation...I just miss my dad and I wish we had life as normal...and I want my mom to be happy and really love her new man (Mike...again my dad's best childhood friend)

Just missing life as it used to be

-L

[Mommy2Jackson]

Good luck TTC #2!!

I am glad your mom has found someone to be there for her. At the same time though we will never have our dad's back....you can't just find another dad. It's tough and I am with you I wish life were back to as it use to be.

Have you done any kind of grief class or seen a counselor?? I saw someone once and did a 10 week grief support thing for kids who have lost a parent. My brothers are younger and I felt kind of in an odd spot as I am not a "kid" but I am only 22 so I still did it and found it somewhat helpful.

I have also been reading a book by a fabulous author whom I actually saw speak here in my town about greif and mourning......his name is Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt and his website is www.centerforloss.com. I have read one of his books and it's very good and he just amazing.

ETA: The book I found very helpful is called Understanding Your Grief:Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart. I am currently reading another of his books about traumatic deaths, but would definitely reccomend the first book to anyone who has lost a loved one.

[caeden&connersmom]

I lost my dad over a year ago at 56. I get very resentful and angry at the world still, that he isnt here, but it has gotten a easier. I miss him so much. (I was a daddys girl, even at 33)

It is just going to take time. Process and work through it at your own pace. I wish you the very best.

[orangefoot]

Originally Posted by Mommy2Jackson

I am glad your mom has found someone to be there for her. At the same time though we will never have our dad's back....you can't just find another dad.

This is how I feel. My dad will never be back which is a terrible terrible loss for me but I also understand that him never coming back is difficult for my mum because it meant that she would never be part of the couple they were again. What I mean is that hoping my dad would reappear wasn't going to work and she had to do something instead of hoping for the impossible.

She has someone new and I know that she needs someone because she was so so lonely and so desperately sad and she is happier and loved now but I don't have my dad and I don't really like this man very much.

Originally Posted by Mommy2Jackson

It's tough and I am with you I wish life were back to as it use to be

Me too

[daekini]

I lost my Dad when he was 50, I was 21. He died unexpectedly of a heart attack.

Everyone's grief is different, but in my experience, I still miss him terribly after 14 years. I don't have the same horribly broken hearted feeling, more sweetness in my memories; have joy knowing your father got to know your son. Rejoice that he loved you so much -- that love will never leave you. I'm so sorry you lost your Dad.

[phatchristy]

A lot of us here have lost our dads apparently. I was 25 years old when my father died of a massive heart attack. We were so very close, I was his youngest daughter and the closest child to him emotionally. It was a rough time, and I grieved immensely and deeply. The relationship that we had is irreplacable.

I did find that gradually our relationship changed into a spiritual one, I found myself talking to him and lighting candles for a while after he passed. I had dreams of him. Now, I think of him often and do have very happy memories.

I had previously gone through the loss of my sister (when I was 7), and I think that because of that loss in some ways having gone through immense loss before I kind of knew what I needed and knew what to expect.

The pain is immense, do allow yourself as much time as you need to grieve.