14yo and Schoolwork/Grades - Page 2

[nd_deadhead]

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

I have twin sons in 7th grade. They are both very smart, and do well in school, but both forget to turn in assignments (even when they're completed!) and forget to bring work home. Their school has been issuing planners and teaching the kids how to use them since 4th grade, but it's an uphill battle with my kids.

This week they both had to do a demonstration speech - teach the class how to do something. I wouldn't have known J had the assignment if B didn't have the same class. J just plain didn't want to do it - he couldn't think of any ideas, and he doesn't like to stand up in front of people (funny, since he had been MC at a Scout meeting the night before, and did a great job). I asked if he planned to do the assignment, or if he was simply going to tell the teacher he didn't feel like it. I never did get a straight answer to that one. He already has a D in his advanced math class (where he had the highest grade in the class unilt he blew off a huge assignment), and hated the feeling. I offered many, many suggestions for his speech, but of course they were all stupid.

We've had to start checking their planners every single day. If the planner is not filled out, no computer and no TV for that day. We have a homework hotline that is updated every day, so we can get assignments for each class; if they've forgotten to bring home their books or papers, they go to school early the next day to get it done.

It makes me mad that I have to be SO involved - they are bright, responsible kids in so many ways. I don't feel like I should have to hold their hands to get them to do their homework and hand it in, but I do. It frustrates me,a nd I don't handle that very well; I get much more mad at the boys than I should.

[kathywiehl]

I have a daughter in 7th grade who needs me to micromanage her schoolwork. I've tried not to, but when don't stay on top of her every single day, I find that she isn't doing her work at all.

For her, these are the things I do-
1. our school has an online system where I can check grades and homework assignments. These are only after the teacher enters them into the system, so for some classes 2-3 days can go by before I know that an assignment wasn't completed or that she neglected to do her classwork. I try to check this a couple of times a week and if I find that she hasn't done an assignment I do my best to make sure she completes it and hands it in even if it's too late to get credit for it. In my opinion, it wouldn't be right to let her simply not do it at all

2. When that doesn't work I've had her do behavior contracts with the school. Each day the teacher signs off on whether or not her homework was turned in and what her homework will be for that evening, then I know exactly what is due and when and i can prevent her from taking a 0 for that assignment and help her to remember to do her work. When she seems to be doing well with this system, I take her off of it and allow her to manage her homework on her own, hoping she will do well, but sadly each time we go off the contract she begins to fail again and we have to go back on it. This is our second school year doing it this way.

3. Email the teachers frequently, find out if they have websites with daily assignments posted, ask the principal for assistance from the school, maybe they have some sort of incentive program for kids who forget or neglect homework. Most of the time, teachers don't take the time to get in touch with you to initiate any sort of partnership in helping your child. If you are having struggles it's always worth talking to the teacher and brainstorming with them to come up with ways to motivate and help a child.

[E.V. Lowi]

Two words about kids that age and homework- Boarding school! :

[lolar2]

Heh-- I went to boarding school and loved it, but still didn't do my homework consistently until I was seventeen. I just couldn't stay on top of it very well. Looking back on it, I could have used more micromanaging and/ or a tutor (peer or older, a lot of college students do it for extra cash).

[operamommy]

Originally Posted by Yoshua

some people may disagree.

But I was alot like your son in junior high in regards to just 'not wanting' to do homework or lack of motivation.


Taking away privilages did nothing to make me bring the homework home. Something that motivated me was that my Grandma told me she would give me 50$ for an A.

I took this as 50$ PER A so I tried my hardest in every class. Got 2 A's some b's and a so on. So I expected 100$. Well my mom and grandma talked and she meant 50$ total, bummed me out but she still gave me 100$

Worked out that between my mom and grandma they decided 20$ an a from there on out. And litterally that is the ONLY thing that motivated me in school to do homework.


I could pass with d's and c's without opening a book, and that 'was' passing.


Bribery worked on me. don't know what your son is into. Could work out that he gets a Video game report card day for every 3 a's or something wich consolation prizes if he gets close?

Don't know. At that age it really was 'I didn't see the reward in grades' and the diploma college was too far off for me to realize it was just around the corner.

Yeah, I have to agree - rewarding my son was the only way to get him to become serious about schoolwork. He is 12, and went though the "nomal" phase of not bringing homework home, not studying for test, etc. And, he just plain doesn't like school. We had (and still have) serious discussions about why doing well in school - and just doing your best at everything - is wise. But we also added the incentive of something that he really enjoys doing, which is going to a Chuck E. Cheese type place near our home. This place gives extra tokens for good report cards, and this proved to be a real incentive for my son. The only time we go is at report card time.

I don't check our school's homework hotline, and I don't check ds's planner. We actually even began letting him decide when to do his homework instead of me telling him. Not only has it taught him valuable lessons in time management, but it gives him a sense of responsibility and accomplishment. And I have to say, it's all worked. Before we started doing all this, he got progress reports for low grades halfway through every grading period. Since we've started, he hasn't gotten a single one in the two grading periods since we began our little system. I can really see his motivation beginning to change from just doing work for reward to doing work and taking pride in it - because it's something he's done all by himself. We've made the change from "get good grades and make us happy" to "get good grades and make YOURSELF happy."

[BedHead]

This is going to be unpopular, but I don't bug my kids to do homework. I remind them and ask them about it. I make sure they have the tools they need to complete it. I help them if they ask. I monitor their progress, usually via emails with the teachers. But if they don't do it and they get a 0 or fail a test, I don't ride them about it. We also offer a monetary reward for the kid with the best report card each year. My boys could both be honor students but they choose not to be. My oldest graduates grade 12 this year and he isn't any kind of special student and won't win any scholarships. He's had a long tough road, but he pulled up his own socks in grade ten and has taken summer school every year - even this year he's taking it after he graduates. And next year he's back taking high school courses in order to qualify for uni. HE finally decided he would do what he needs to because he realized he had to.

I think a huge part of the problem is the educational system. It isn't personal enough. I am happy that my kids do want to stay in school, and I'll be happy when they all graduate, and I have post secondary education money for them. But the day to day hassle of forcing them to do homework just isn't worth it to me. Learning is much more than schoolwork IMO. I want them to be happy, and they aren't happy, and neither am I, if I have to spend every evening riding them to produce homework that they won't even remember after a test.

I was an honor student, and I think it was because of the competition factor. We were told our rank every report card compared to our schoolmates. There were monetary prizes every year for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. We had a smart class, a middle class and a 'dumb' class, and we all knew which one we were in. None of that exists any more, and for a lot of kids, that results in them not caring how they do in school.

I try to keep the end result in mind. For me, that's an adult who is doing something they want to do and has achieved that on their own. Doing three pages of algebra just because a teacher says they have to every night isn't really contributing to that goal.

[Suzukimom]

We had a discussion about life goals when my son was 14. We asked what kind of lifestyle he would like to live. We explained that school was his job right now. What he did in school would determine what he will do in the future. Future employers/colleges would look at his high school record. Bad grades - probably would translate to a low paying job. If that was his desire, it was okay with us. We said in any job there are things you may not like, just like in school there are subjects that you may not like. The subjects are offered so that you get a broad education and every student can have exposure to an area that might become an interest and passion.

His attitude changed. He is a motivated student who comes home from school and sits right down to do his homework.

Your kids need to do homework for themselves, not you. We do not pay for grades although for some it might help. We found it not necessary.

[Em T]

Suzukimom, I did the same thing with my middle daughter who did great till 9th grade. 9th & 10th grade she wasn't doing anything. Actually, that's a lie. We didn't have a discussion about life goals. I got mad & said "You don't get it. I don't have to go to school. I'm through unless I decide I want to go back. It won't hurt me. It will hurt you. It will affect every aspect of your life, whether you buy all your clothes from a thrift shop, never drive anything but beater cars, go on a vacation to Hawaii or overnight to Galveston, or buy your makeup from a department store or the 2 for $1.00 tub by the cash register at Walgreen's. It won't change my life for the worse if you keep on slacking off, but it will change yours!". By 11th grade she decided she wanted to go to a good school, won an award presented at a big city-wide banquet for the kids in high schools who were most improved. She then got into University of Texas & all the other schools she applied to & finished her degree in 4 years. They have to make up their minds to plow through & do their best; you can't do it for them.