Babysitting other kids with DS-

[*green*faery*]

Hi! I've been baby-sitting for a few families with DS & I have a WWYD question-

There has been a few issues, but most recently with a 20mo boy I baby-sit (along with his 4yo sister). My Ds is 15mo, he loves other kids, but he's a sensitive guy! The 20mo is in a stage where he likes to push other kids over, and doesn't like to play with other kids. I try to keep my eye on the 20mo, so Ds gets pushed over minimally. My Ds gets very upset when other kids scream or yell loudly, Ds cries, sobs, for about 5 minutes each time. The 20mo discovered that when he screams my ds cries, so he kept doing it...over and over. I felt so bad, my ds was crying like half the time I was there. The 20mo is not talking yet, although he does seem to understand a fair amount (he nods when you as questions, etc.) I am very gentle with all of them, I don't over react. I talk calmly to the 20mo and ask him to please not scream loudly, is scares Kylan.

Another 5yo girl I baby-sit does the same thing, scream at Kylan, he crys, she smirks, sometimes she will stop after I talk to her about it and quickly distract her with a book or game.

So my question is, is it worth it? I am financially in a hard position at the moment & baby sitting pays for our groceries. But it's not like we'll starve if I baby-sit less. When Kylan was crying so much the other day, I keep asking myself, is this really worth it? He's so sweet and loving and is learning so much right now, I just hate to see him upset so much when I could prevent it! Let me know your thoughts!

[4evermom]

I chose to get in debt rather than compromise taking care of ds. He is very sensitive, too, but has outgrown many things. It's possible you could find another family to babysit for where the kid dynamics are different.

www.hsperson.com
There is a questionaire you can take at this site to see how sensitive your dc is and you can read a bit about highly sensitive people.

[straighthaircurly]

I agree that you should look at other options. A little bit of rough treatment from the other kids is not a big deal but it sounds from your description that it is really making him miserable and confused so I would look at babysitting other kids or finding some work you could do at home.

[levar]

One thought: What would you do if you had children that were behaving like this towards your youngest child? If not the same, can you speak to the parents about their childrens behavior and let them know what your 'plan of action' will be the next time it comes up? Maybe even set up semi-formal "reports" each time etc. (To keep the situation more proactive, less personal and finger pointing, etc)

Our son was at a day care when he was about 18 months and there was a young girl who kept biting him on the shoulder and back. Every day or so. We tried to be understanding about it, but only to a point, and I am pleased to report that each time the parents were spoken to and given specific guidelines on what would be the 'disipline' for each occurence, etc. It eventually worked itself out.

Similarly (though older) in preschool there was a boy who had trouble using words to express himself, so he used his fists and was punching and beating the other kids weekly. The preschool also had VERY strict guidelines on disipline and protecting all the kids not only from the boy but the boy from himself, etc (He eventually got hit across the head in defence by another boy who used a bat!! The firemen and ambulence had to come, etc, and honestly, sadly, lesson learned, but OUCH what a way to learn!)

Lastly, schools (and daycares, I think) have VERY strict "no bullying" policies. Responsibility is on the parents, not the bullied children. In a way it sounds to me like your son is getting bullied by the other kids... a BIG no-no in my mind, gentle displine or what not. Even though you 'babysit' instead of run a licensed daycare doesnt mean you cant apply the same sort of rules I think.

[*green*faery*]

Thanks for the replies!

His mom knows he pushes. We are in a playgroup together and she's always chasing after him trying to prevent him from pushing before it happens. She pretty much does the same thing I do about, tries to tell him to be gentle and not to push & why. It doesn't really help.

I don't know what I'd do if I had an older child who pushed their sibling. I'd probably be here asking for advice

[katallen]

If you qualify for anything like food stamps I would suggest going that road rather than the babysitting road. All it hurts is your pride and it saves children from having to be put second while work is put first. If it is not an option to get foodstamps then I would suggest holding your son and comforting him when he cries even while working or trying to play louder games at home that he is comfortable with to encourage yelling and turn it into a game so he too enjoys it when you are out babysitting. I you get a complaint about holding your son tell them what their child is doing and that you will comfort your son or you will stop coming.

[*green*faery*]

The 20mo's mother is super nice and very AP. I am going to try once more and just talk to her about suggestions on how to handle the situation. I only babysit a couple times a month for them. I don't qualify for food stamps, we are just in a pinch for the next 4m or so. Luckily I have a job babysitting a 2mo 1 day a week (8hrs) starting at the end of this month, that will be almost enough for food if I can make just a little more. It's been hard finding families to babysit for on a regular basis!!