I'm still very new to GD and must admit that it is very hard to fight the impulse to throw my own tantrums.
Our issue right now is typical toddler stuff. Ds is almost 18mo and has (for awhile now, several months at least) been hitting, spitting, pinching, biting and scratching.
I'm starting to suspect that the way we interact with him is causing these things. We are very playful, especially DP, and often find ourselves "wrestling" with each other or in an intense tickling fair. So Ds is also very playful, and especially with DP, pretty rough sometimes.
When Ds is cranky, upset, hungry, tired, etc. he starts with the hitting, biting, and spitting, and it just gets worse until he either goes to sleep, eats (if he was hungry), or we go outside (change of scenery), or give him whatever it was that he was throwing a tantrum for. We try to prevent those situations by meeting his needs before he is upset, but alas, it doesn't always go so smoothly.
(Wow, just had to mention, simply writing this out is letting me see from an outside perspective and I think I've already answered some of the questions I had
)
Anywhoo, DP and I handle things a little differently. If for example, I am laying down on the bed and ds wants to go outside or do something, I either drag my butt up (exhausted as I may already be) or I lay there and pout
: and ds starts getting upset. He hits. Bites. I say firmly and dryly "Ouch, that hurts, no hitting/biting. Let's go outside" or something similar. DP on the other hand, will lay there. Ds smacks his face. DP says "Ow! No hitting." Ds smacks his face again. "Ow. Stop" Ds smacks again. DP pretends to start crying pathetically "Owww, you hit me, that hurt, waaaa" Ds seems a bit confused/worried, sometimes just sits there watching, non-expressive, or walks away like he feels weird or something...then goes back after awhile and hits again. DP repeats the same thing.
I'm not sure if what either of us is doing is effective at all, because the hitting continues, no less. I guess it is partly DP and I taking it personally, kind of thinking "He hit me! How rude and disrespectful, why does he do that?" instead of the obvious (well I guess not so obvious) "Oh, he is being playful/testy or wants me to get up, is getting cranky, etc" DP mentioned once that he feels like if he gives ds what he wants after he hits him, then ds will think he can get what he wants by hitting. But if he doesn't get what he wants (redirecting is like a joke with this kid) the hitting just gets worse.
We are feeling a bit lost here. Any insights?
Our issue right now is typical toddler stuff. Ds is almost 18mo and has (for awhile now, several months at least) been hitting, spitting, pinching, biting and scratching.
I'm starting to suspect that the way we interact with him is causing these things. We are very playful, especially DP, and often find ourselves "wrestling" with each other or in an intense tickling fair. So Ds is also very playful, and especially with DP, pretty rough sometimes.
When Ds is cranky, upset, hungry, tired, etc. he starts with the hitting, biting, and spitting, and it just gets worse until he either goes to sleep, eats (if he was hungry), or we go outside (change of scenery), or give him whatever it was that he was throwing a tantrum for. We try to prevent those situations by meeting his needs before he is upset, but alas, it doesn't always go so smoothly.
(Wow, just had to mention, simply writing this out is letting me see from an outside perspective and I think I've already answered some of the questions I had
)Anywhoo, DP and I handle things a little differently. If for example, I am laying down on the bed and ds wants to go outside or do something, I either drag my butt up (exhausted as I may already be) or I lay there and pout
: and ds starts getting upset. He hits. Bites. I say firmly and dryly "Ouch, that hurts, no hitting/biting. Let's go outside" or something similar. DP on the other hand, will lay there. Ds smacks his face. DP says "Ow! No hitting." Ds smacks his face again. "Ow. Stop" Ds smacks again. DP pretends to start crying pathetically "Owww, you hit me, that hurt, waaaa" Ds seems a bit confused/worried, sometimes just sits there watching, non-expressive, or walks away like he feels weird or something...then goes back after awhile and hits again. DP repeats the same thing.I'm not sure if what either of us is doing is effective at all, because the hitting continues, no less. I guess it is partly DP and I taking it personally, kind of thinking "He hit me! How rude and disrespectful, why does he do that?" instead of the obvious (well I guess not so obvious) "Oh, he is being playful/testy or wants me to get up, is getting cranky, etc" DP mentioned once that he feels like if he gives ds what he wants after he hits him, then ds will think he can get what he wants by hitting. But if he doesn't get what he wants (redirecting is like a joke with this kid) the hitting just gets worse.
We are feeling a bit lost here. Any insights?
I forgot to mention one little (okay big) tidbit. Ds has been a headbanger since about 7 months. He does it when frustrated, angry, upset, sad. So when he can't get what he wants, he usually screams/whines first. We try to playfully distract him with something else (going outside usually works but we can't always go outside on the whim due to weather). But he doesn't really buy it. He goes right back to what he wanted and yells for it. I try to give him something similar that he *can* have and he doesn't buy that either. He wants THAT one that he wants. I sense a tantrum coming on, so I hold him, because he will bang his head on the tile VERY hard (he almost always has a bruise on his forehead 
), and try to move on to something else while he lets his tantrum out.
as I am in the same situation. DS is a hitter, but only at home and with family. He is at Daycare and is great there, but at home he goes for DD and hits, pulls hair and spits at her. DH and I get hit and spit at mostly. Then there is the cat, who can run and hide, lucky kitty! If DS hits me I immediatly put him down or walk away. If it continues, I tell him no hitting in a stern voice and tell him I don't want to play with him until he is nicer. It has been working somewhat but still with DD it hasn't. She whines and acts timid when he hits her and I think this gets it worse.
