my dh says he is embarrassed by my Nip

[rambunctiouscurls]

not really sure if this belongs here...

but we were shopping this weekend and going to several places. I didn't want to just sit in the car and feed her and waste time. I really wanted to gethome and make dinner so I just put my dd in the wrap in the cradle position and latched her on. I really don't care when ppl give me looks. I have Nip'ed a few times already and I just love the convenience bfin'g affords. Anywho, dh said he would walk ten miles ahead of me and kids don't need to see that.

why not???? It's way nature intended for us to feed our babies. what's so perverted about it. It just sucks that my own partner is on the other side.
His family already made comments about those women who just whip it out. And, always offer me a separate room to nurse which I have always accepted for some reason.

How do I convince him or make him see that it's a normal, natural thing and to get over it? I'm not going to be stuck at home, in the car, or in disgusting nursing rooms right next to the bathroom.

[Cujobunny]

Just do it and don't apologize. It's your right and it's your baby's right to eat whenever she's hungry! You will help normalize it for them.

[Mama~Love]

's!!! Mine is the same way . We were looking at new matresses in a furniture store, Abby woke up, and wanted to eat. Dh said "Are you going to the van to feed her?" I said "Nope, plenty of places to sit here", smiled, and I sat down & nursed her. He just rolled his eyes at me & walked away. He does this ALL the time, but I stand my ground.

Oh, and what's with him wanting me to pump so he can feed her? Like I want the hassle of that, plus having to wash everything. He doesn't make an effort with anything else, but hassles me about that.

[BlueStateMama]

Honestly, it's his problem. Not yours to have to help him through ignorance. I probably would have ONE more conversation, or maybe just a one-sided speech where you lay it out for him.

"This is how I will feed our child. It is why mammals have milk glands and breasts. Here is more information if you are interested. (print out AAP guidelines, etc.) I will not hide at home or in a bathroom with our baby."

He's being really, really immature. You're doing nothing worng, don't give in to his hang-ups.

[Sabo]

I think we have all done it, been embarrassed by something a loved one does. Its ridiculous! You're the one NIP and if you're not embarrassed, then he shouldn't be either. I'm sure that he wants what's best for your dd as much as you do, so he should remind himself that sometimes being a parent involves doing things you never would have envisioned yourself doing, like walking next to your wife as she lovingly feeds your child. That doesn't sound like a horrific thing to do, does it?

I've already informed my dh that when our baby is here, I will bf in public when necessary and he seems very accepting of that. However, he may also get embarrassed and then he'll get a hormone-laced "talking to."

[PJJ]

Nip

I has been my experience with my family and friends, the men that were not breastfed or never saw it, feel the way you have mentioned.

Please continue to NIP as you are able and more men in the future, not to mention your sons will be lactivists.

Thanks for NIP. It makes it more normal for the rest of us.

[lobster]

Your husband's attitude is the problem, not NIP. I'd just go right ahead and keep NIP'ing and ignore anything he says on the subject. He's not the one responsible for your babe's nutrition right now, so he doesn't get a say in where you feed her.

[Mama Poot]

The next time you're out in public, show him the difference between nursing "discreetly" and "whipping it out". Wear a low cut shirt and take your breast out over top of it instead of lifting the shirt from the bottom. ( its easier imo lol, i do it all the time ) Or you might try asking him why he doesnt think his child has a right to eat somewhere that doesn't smell like fumes or feces.

[Redifer]

Give him over to my DH to straighten him out. For a formula-fed, mainstream-raised man, he sure turned out to be rather crunchy after being around me.

Like another poster said, it's his problem, not yours. Tell him if he can come up with any concrete evidence why you shouldn't do it, you'll discuss it with him. Until then, you will feed your child as nature saw fit for you to do so, and won't answer to him until he grows breasts and can split the feeding responsibility.

[~member~]

His problem not yours.

[SleepyMamaBear]

want my DH to whip him into shape?
my DH is the most NIP friendly man i have ever met. mainly because he knows its what babies NEED. why deprive your child because of embarassment? also, he wouldnt eat in a public bathroom, or take his lunch in the car while the rest of us eatin a resteraunt, so why should his child? and, well DH loves breasts, and thinks that they are amazing body parts that do amazing things, like feed and comfort our young, and they happen to be nice to look at as well.
you arent that far from me, really should we have a get together and all nurse in front of your DH so he sees you arent the only one and that you probably are the most discreet our of all of us! lol

[jessemoon]

This is my method for dealing with people who are embarrassed by things like NIP. It may not appeal to you, but I find it rather effective.

Smile beatifically and peacefully (think Rennaisance paintings of the Madonna and child), settle down somewhere comfy and nurse contendedly.

Act gently and mildly amused that it would bother him. Say, "Oh, honey! I'm sorry you feel that way, but the baby is hungry." in a sympathetic and kindly voice. Continue nursing. Smile peacefully some more. Look wise and comfortable.

He will figure it out. Or he won't.

You can't stop someone from feeling embarrassed, he feels what he feels. However, that doesn't have to change your nursing relationship with your baby.You just nurse your baby and let him realize on his own how much better it is. If he is an intelligent and kind-hearted man, he will probably come around.

Baby's needs come first. New dads (and moms for that matter) do all sorts of ridiculous things. He will probably get over it.

I'm sorry it's so frustrating for you and sorry for him that he is uncomfortable, it sounds like his family has set him up to be so.

Good luck.

[moondiapers]

My dh was the same way...so I offered him two options....either he tries to comfort a hungry sobbing baby, or I nurse the baby wherever we are. He tried to comfort the sobbing a baby 3 or 4 times but always ended up handing him back to me to nurse. He got over it when he realized a screaming baby is much more attention drawing than a nursing baby.

[Attached Mama]

I agree that it is his problem not yours - sorta... Seeing as it is the man you love, live with and are around a lot, it kind of becomes your problem too unless you can be completely calloused to what your husband thinks. And I think part of being in a loving relationship is caring what the other thinks.

In that case I think it might be helpful for you to find a lot of info - in my experience men like brief statistical info rather than lengthy articles. So for example things like "Acc to AAP (very important as my DH has a science major ) you should nurse exclusively for the first 6 mos. Who and the Canadian Pediatrics both recommend that nursing should continue for a minimum of 2 years. Extended nursing helps..... (look on Kellymom for info here) Be sure to include what will be important to him -be it lowered cancer risk or higher IQ or lots less money paid out for formula and doc bills or whatever.

I would be sympathetic to his view in that he is a product of our culture - something like "I know where you are coming from honey as breasts are seen in our culture as purely sexual. However, the rest of the world views them differently. For example, in Sweden (someone help me - i thinkit's sweden) you have to have a prescription to use formula and in Italy they advertise the health of breastfeeding by having pics of exposed boobs and babies on the city buses. Maybe tell him how you used to think you would never nurse past so many months or whatever cultural hangups you used to have (unless you came from an ultra crunchy background...)

I found that my DH was totaly supportive of bf in public and not circ once he had all the facts. It's hard if they have only heard a bit. Just remember, people listen more when you try to see where they are coming from and approach it in a non argumentative manner. Also, it's much easier to have a good bf relationship when you have a partner who is supportive and not urging you to wean etc

Good luck!

[aisraeltax]

if my partner said that he would be sleeping in another room.

feeding your baby is the #1 priority right now for you (and baby).

i would have a serious conversation about that. what is he going to think when your baby is 2 if she is still nursing?

stbx USED to be like that...last night at a nice dinner he didnt say a word when our 13 mo nursed (on and off and on and off like 13 mo olds do).

good luck! put your foot down NOW!

rach

[maxwill129]

My DH was the same way until he got used to BFing. He grew up with all boys, his mom didn't BF and he never was around anyone who BF their kids. It took a few months of me nursing DD before he was over it, and now he gets super ticked off if anyone says anything anti-BFing! And this isn't my DH, but my brother was the same way and he's coming around since I won't hide away while I BF.

Your DH will probably learn to except it if you make it the norm!

Good luck!

Shannon

[captain optimism]

So here's the logic of campaigns to let women NIP. It's good for babies to nurse from their mother's breasts--many times better for them than having to drink from a bottle. It's good for families to go out together, and for women to be able to leave their homes and go out into the world. If we want all of that to come together, then women have to be able to freely nurse their children in public.

Ask your husband to support you in doing this, even if it makes him uncomfortable, so that you can all be together in public places with a mellow, healthy baby. In return, you will agree not to flash anyone! ("Whooo hoo! Boobies!") Tell him you'll work on getting the hang of minimal exposure during latch on if he works on getting the hang of not making a big deal out of it. If he doesn't run ahead or get red in the face, nobody else will notice. Promise.

[MrsRitchie]

My DH did not want me to ever NIP when I was pregnant. He was really obvious about covering me up the first few times I NIP'ed.. after that he was ready to whip it out for me to get DS latched on and stop crying!

Just let him keep seeing it and get used to it.

[orangefoot]

The whole phrase Nurse In Public is beginning to bug me big time. No one uses that phrase over here and I feel really bad for women who can be battered with this phrase and have it used against them in such a negative way.

In my opinion there is no such thing as 'public nursing' (or nursing in this context but that's a whole different story) That would put in on a par with public speaking or public hanging (back in the very old days that was popular here). In those cases of public activity the whole point is/was that people are invited to attend a spectacle and the spectacle is put on wth the explicit intent of attracting attention of a great number of people. Think political rallies here.

No such thing is happening if you are breastfeeding your baby outside the home; you are just doing what you would do at home.

To use public in this context is to imply that there is an opposite: private. The longer people talk about NIP the more people can talk about Nursing In Private which leads to suggestions of toilets, broom cupboards and isolated rooms.

I'm going off track here a bit but bear with me -

Was your husband proud and pleased when she was born? Did he wonder at how she had grown inside you and how she was so perfect? Does he wonder at how big she is growing now and how lovely she is?

I would tell your husband that you *will continue* to feed this gorgeous child as she needs it and he will love you for it because every time he looks at her he will know that you have quite literally grown her yourself and he will be so proud of you for that.

Nurse away and hold your head high. He is jealous of your superpower

[velcromom]

Send him a link to www.007b.com lol

or ask him if he'd rather risk some of the possible alternatives...

baby cries attracting attention and making us other moms wonder why he's being so unhelpful just standing there

once back home, he gets to make hot packs for you and has to occupy baby for twenty minutes every hour while you treat the plugged ducts you got from the engorgement of delaying nursing while in public

or, worse case scenario, he gets to take off work to care for baby while you go to the dr for antibiotics for the mastitis caused by engorgement when you delayed feedings so as not to allow him to embarrass himself...

or, baby develops nipple preference after feeding bottles and goes on a nursing strike...

really, nursing when you need to wherever you are is NOT a lifestyle choice that can just be abandoned without consequences. It is not a statement or a display. It is a physiological need that must be met in order to maintain optimal health for both mom and baby. He needs to understand that or he will keep making himself feel embarrassed.

It is his work to learn to comprehend the situation beyond the narrow scope of cultural taboo, and your work to feed the baby. So keep doing what you are doing!