I am losing my mind over DS's new game (long)

[nova22]

4yo DS wants me to play with "big dora" all day long. It's one of DD's dolls that he's taken an interest in, and he loves when I make her talk, or use her voice to read him a story, or just sit there with her while he shows her his other toys. It was cute the first eighty times, but it's getting old now. :

I can't stand anymore of listening to "mommy hold big dora" eight hundred million times a day. seriously - EVERY SINGLE THING he's said today has been in reference to me holding this doll. The first thing out of his mouth this morning was "mommy hold big dora" and I did - we played with her for a while before breakfast. When we were downstairs, I asked him what he wanted for breakfast. He said, "I don't want breakfast, I just want you to hold Big Dora." During breakfast he said, "After I eat my breakfast, I want you to hold Big Dora." After breakfast, we played with her while the baby played on the floor. I told DS that when the baby cried to nurse, we would put Dora down for a nap and play with her again later. We got a lot of time with Dora before the baby cried...dora went down for her 'nap' and i started to nurse the baby. no sooner had she latched on than DS said, "after you nurse the baby, you hold Big Dora." Every two minutes he repeated himself. I assured him that we WOULD play with Big Dora as soon as the baby was done, and true to my word, we did. Finally I really couldn't stand talking in the squeaky voice anymore; I was getting a really bad headache from talking like that. I gave DS a five minute warning and then put her away again. I started folding some laundry (in the same room) and he said, "after you do clothes, you will hold Big Dora?" Two minutes later: "okay, come hold Big Dora." Two minutes later: "You hold Big Dora now." I really felt like I was losing my mind, like if I heard the words "you hold Big Dora" one more time I was going to explode.

We had lunch, the kids had a nap (not really a nap - just quiet time in their room because otherwise they're extremely cranky by dinner), and again, the only thing out of his mouth was about Big Dora. During his nap he started talking really loudly, so I popped my head in and reminded him it was quiet time. He said, "I have quiet time, THEN you hold Big Dora?" :

I really, honestly feel like if he asks me again, I will snap. I have been hearing nothing but YOU HOLD BIG DORA for days. Today has been the worse because like I said, LITERALLY everything out of his mouth has involved Big Dora. It's driving me crazy. And I've tried - I really have - to play with Big Dora with him and give him some extra special attention...but right now my head is throbbing (my MIL microwaving something downstairs sounds like a herd of bulls stampeding through my head) and looking at the Big Dora doll literally makes me feel ill.

Pleeeeease give me some pointers here. I don't want to discipline him for wanting to play, but I can't take anymore "you hold big dora!"

[Twocoolboys]

If this were me, I wouldn't hold big Dora ever again. I know that sounds really harsh, but I have had to set limits sometimes like that. There was a story that my oldest ds liked me to read to him when he was younger. I don't even remember what it was. I read the character voices in a very animated way once, giving them all different voices and he loved it. It was fun for me exactly once. But, I humored him for a while. I always wound up with a sore throat after reading it because some of the voices just were not natural. I had to stop - it was driving me batty. So, if I were you, I would be honest with him and tell him that talking in Big Dora's voice makes your head hurt and you can't do it anymore.

I would tell him that big Dora wants him to play with her from now on, without me. I would say something like "sorry, honey, but Big Dora gives me a headache and I can't play with her anymore. But, you can play with her all by yourself. I think she would like that." Repeat as often as necessary.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I hate it when they go through these phases where its one thing all the time. Drives me nuts too. And why is it they never chose the "play quietly in your room with a nice toy" to get obsessed with?

Generally, when faced with this sort of thing that I just can't do I've imposed some limits plus added some major distractions and attention for other things. In your case, I might agree to play with the doll for 15 minutes, then we would go to the park or library or wherever I could think of that would be a big distration for as much time as possible. And, of course, somewhere that the doll has not been part of the scene in the past. I'd probably spend the next few days out as much as humany possible, until the facination with the doll runs its course.

There is nothing wrong with saying "No, I am sorry, I just can't do that any more today" and sticking too it. Especially to a 4 YO who isn't going to melt iif he doesn't get his way. He may melt down and you will have to deal with that, but he won't die if you say no and stick to it. Of course, the alternative may end up being worse than playing with the doll, especially in the short term. But you can set limits and you do deserve your sanity!!!!

[beka1977]

And why is it they never chose the "play quietly in your room with a nice toy" to get obsessed with?

:

Could you put Big Dora in a sling?

[mamaduck]

I would definately set my limits way before you already have. Like, as soon as I started feeling annoyed! "I'm sorry hon, but I just don't want to play with Big Dora. Why don't you play with Big Dora by yourself? Its not mommy's kind of fun." You should not feel guilty about untangling yourself from this at all. You are not obligated to play Big Dora, ever, with anyone. Its simply not in the job description!

[monkeysmommy]

Yes, you are definately entitled to set limits on Big Dora time. Do not feel bad about that. If if makes you feel any better, we had a similar situation recently. When I was a little girl I had an imaginary friend named Wolf. I would hold my hand like a puppet with my pinky and pointer finger sticking up to make ears and make it talk. Well, a couple of months ago I was trying to make hair washing more pleasant for dd (she hates it, btw she is also 4) so I introduced her to Wolf. I hadn't done him in a long time and it was really fun. Once. She then became completely obsessed with Wolf. She was asking for Wolf all. the. time. I got really annoyed because I felt like I wasn't good enough just being me. I explained to her that I am a grown up. Grown ups don't like playing pretend all the time and I needed to just be mommy for a bit. I designated a special Wolf time which was right after school. When I declared that Wolf time was over, Wolf time was over for the day. Wolf would give her a hug and kiss and tell her he'd see her later. Now the novelty of Wolf has worn off and she has stopped asking for him all day but she likes him to sing her a song while she brushes her teeth.

Now she is just obsessed with Fairytopia and badgers me non stop about watching videos. I guess it is just in their little natures to obsess about stuff but I comfort myself knowing mine will move on to something else in a few months.

[nova22]

Thank you all so much. I feel better knowing that it's normal for kids his age, and I'm not a horrible jerk for being annoyed by this game. I know I let this go a lot farther than I could have, but I really was riddled with guilt. I guess it's because he's been acting a little unusual lately and I felt like he needed a lot more attention to help him get back to his usual self.

Putting Dora in a sling might help, and I have plenty of fabric to whip one up. Tonight he is sleeping with her in his bed for the first time. He's never asked to do it before, so I suggested it. He looked like he'd never thought of that before, and I hope it helps him to have her nearby, and realize that he can play with her by himself...not just with me.

monkeysmommy ~ my SIL does the same little hand character, but his name is Mr. Fox. The kids LOVE him. There were about five months where my poor SIL couldn't talk to my kids unless she had Mr. Fox and was using his voice. For a while I made Mr. Fox the voice of reason in the house...when DS was throwing a tantrum and I couldn't calm him down, Mr. Fox came out to find out what was wrong. Worked like a charm every time...I still resort to him every once in a while.

Thanks for all the advice. I really feel better just knowing I'm not being a horrible mom.

[newmommy]

DS is like this except his toy is Thomas the Tank Engine. All days he wants me to play with Thomas.

I have a timer and set it for 15 minutes and will play with Thomas. Once that timer goes off, I am done playing with Thomas.

Can you get a timer and set it for X amount of minutes?

[mamaduck]

I don't know if I could do it -- but another approach would be to *over-do* it untill HE ODs on it. Ie -- you initiate playtime with Big Dora every single moment that you possibly can. You bring her to the table at meals, in the car on errands, Include her in every possible way -- until he is sick and tired of it.

Personally, I'd have no stomach for this approach! But I think it would work.

[pookel]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

I hate it when they go through these phases where its one thing all the time. Drives me nuts too. And why is it they never chose the "play quietly in your room with a nice toy" to get obsessed with?

When I was 3-4 I was obsessed with reading. I would literally sit in my room for 8 hours a day, quietly reading books. I couldn't stand having anyone else read to me as soon as I learned to read on my own.

Of course, *I* was blessed with a kid who won't sit still for more than five minutes even when I'm reading to him, and whose favorite activity with any type of toy is to dump everything out on the floor and then look for something else to dump on the floor. *sigh*

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by nova22

monkeysmommy ~ my SIL does the same little hand character, but his name is Mr. Fox. The kids LOVE him. There were about five months where my poor SIL couldn't talk to my kids unless she had Mr. Fox and was using his voice. For a while I made Mr. Fox the voice of reason in the house...when DS was throwing a tantrum and I couldn't calm him down, Mr. Fox came out to find out what was wrong. Worked like a charm every time...I still resort to him every once in a while.

Us too! It was Mister Duck at age 2-3.

"BE HIM! BE MISTER DUCK! BE HIM!"

My poor husband.

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by pookel

When I was 3-4 I was obsessed with reading. I would literally sit in my room for 8 hours a day, quietly reading books. I couldn't stand having anyone else read to me as soon as I learned to read on my own.

Of course, *I* was blessed with a kid who won't sit still for more than five minutes even when I'm reading to him, and whose favorite activity with any type of toy is to dump everything out on the floor and then look for something else to dump on the floor. *sigh*

Yep, same here. DS is like DH. They are both extreme Extroverts. They both need interaction.

[mama2cntrykids]

I am with you! My soon to be 4 y/o always wants me to play "super heros". It drives me batty. I'll play for awhile, but then tell him that I'm done. Sometimes, I just say that I don't like to play super heros, sorry.

So, you're not alone!

[Mountaingirl3]

Thanks for posting this! BOTH of my girls had this going with "Snakey"--my arm and hand. Snakey talked like a toddler and was always wrong about everything and they would laugh and correct him and teach him. . . Unfortunately they got totally obsessive about it. They would grab my arm and call, "Snakey? Snakey?" at my hand all the time. I wanted to tell them that he died aaaaaaaah!

I set guidelines, but they best thing was time--they got over it after a few weeks. Now, Snakey visits maybe twice a month.

Best of luck with Big Dora--you're not alone!

[PGNPORTLAND]

what if big dora went away for a little while? like on a vacation?:

[Hera]

How about setting aside a chunk of time, say 15 minutes, to play Big Dora exactly the way he wants you to. Set a timer, follow his lead cheerfully, let him know that you have something else to do after that. Maybe if he sees that there is a time that you will not resist Big Dora, he will begin to pester you less? There must be something about the Big Dora game that he needs right now, maybe you could figure out what that is through his play.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by PGNPORTLAND

what if big dora went away for a little while? like on a vacation?:

You could have so much fun with that, if you were a Bad Mommy:

"Big Dora eloped with Caillou, honey. I'm so sorry."
"Big Dora, well she was crossing the street in an unsafe area and Bob the Builder had been working all night and..."
"Today's word of the day is Embezzle. Uh-Oh, looks like Big Dora is involved in a grand jury investigation and won't be able to make playtime."
"Big Dora has decided to nanny abroad. In Lichtenstein."
"Big Dora has bird flu ebola transfumigation syndrome of the navel. Let's pray for her, she'll be in ICU for a very, very, very long time. And in the meantime, how about some legos?"

[Canadianmommax3]

Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama

You could have so much fun with that, if you were a Bad Mommy:

"Big Dora eloped with Caillou, honey. I'm so sorry."
"Big Dora, well she was crossing the street in an unsafe area and Bob the Builder had been working all night and..."
"Today's word of the day is Embezzle. Uh-Oh, looks like Big Dora is involved in a grand jury investigation and won't be able to make playtime."
"Big Dora has decided to nanny abroad. In Lichtenstein."
"Big Dora has bird flu ebola transfumigation syndrome of the navel. Let's pray for her, she'll be in ICU for a very, very, very long time. And in the meantime, how about some legos?"

too funny

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by pookel

When I was 3-4 I was obsessed with reading. I would literally sit in my room for 8 hours a day, quietly reading books. I couldn't stand having anyone else read to me as soon as I learned to read on my own.

I was okay with other people reading to me, but the "read in my room" phase is still going strong.