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A friendly debate????? - Page 8

Poll Results: Do you allow your children to CIO?

 
  • 0% (0)
    Yes, on a regular basis
  • 11% (33)
    Sometimes, usually for sleeping purposes
  • 88% (264)
    No, never
297 Total Votes  
post #141 of 149

i never let my son CIO....

unless you count...............

since he was about 18 months, if he throws a fit and i can not calm him down ........after trying.....

i put him in his playpen for about 1 minute, and then take him out. he stops crying after i get him out.

i haven't found anything else to work when he gets out of control... (ie temper tantrum)
post #142 of 149
Question..............

does CIO have to be a bedtime issue?

I don;t have babies yet -- can't wait.

BUT

I do not suppor tCIO over bedtime. I had bad bedtime issues and do not want kids to have them. None of my newphews are forced to CIO though the 4 year old limits and a set bedtime.

BUT

if you are talking about a "fit" or anger at a NO answer.........is that different.

Aimee
post #143 of 149

at 2. y

MY son was in the hospital for a week/ Came home and then few weeks later it started. Getting up at 2 and crying and nothing would make it better, in fact he would cry ahrder if we took him out and tried various things (To the point of Tylenol, Benadryl, books, food, drink, bath, even Sesamy st one despareta night). So, I just desided he neede to cry about something. The cryin lastedfor 15 monites for a week and then stopped. One of my firend thoguht that he was just crying because he felt sad about hospital
post #144 of 149
I am VERY passionate about this issue and very opinionated on it as well. We have never and never would let a baby cry unconsoled. Forcing a child to cry to "learn to sleep on its own" is a cruel thing to do. Babies are so needful of love and attention and little for such a short period of time, that doing such a thing is just plain old selfish in my opinon. When you have children you must put yourself and your neds aside for their good. Does a child sometimes cry till the parent can finish using the bathroom or having to throw up? Yes, it is just an unfortuante part of life, but allowing a child to cry to "train" them is an awful practice.

Just like any other human being a child has emotional, physical and spirtual needs. We must be there to help meet those needs untill that child is capapble of handeling that on their own, which is not at only a few months or even years of age. Perhaps the baby is overtired and needs more help to calm down and relax to sleep, maybe their need for feeling secure is higher than expected and they need to be held, rocked or cuddled to sleep. Maybe they just have the need to be near another person and enveloped in love for a while longer.

The simple fact is that life in this world can be, and often is harsh, rough and difficult. Sadly so many people believe that we must introduce this fact to children far too young to comprehend it, much less deal with it. Let's let our children be children and give them the mose comforting, safe and secure environments possible and not worry about making our lives more convenient, or easier.
think of thos little arms reaching up to embrace empty air, or that little heart breaking because momy and daddy will not respond to them. What does that teach the baby? Nothing good. It jsut breaks my heart that so many children are treated in this manner, and that so many books, peds and so-called "experts" not only suggest it, but push it like its the only way to go.
post #145 of 149
mamaof2:

Your post said all I wanted to say!

I am a single mama, and my son will NEVER be left alone to cry.
He is almost 27 months old, and has only recently started to sleep "through the night." (He still wakes a few times every night, but he doesn`t need my help to go back to sleep anymore...)
post #146 of 149
Untill my son's episode, I considered CIo a really horribale things. However, i do think that evything need to be approached on case by case basis. He was 2... and when I say we tried eveything I mean it. what was wered is that holding him and rocking him, or simply touching him, or tlaking made it all worse. It would completely send him wialing. My DH thought he was ill again with something. I still think to this day that how he expressed his rage at being ill, and having to stay at the hospital and undergoing all the procedure. I was with him 24/7 there, and he was a verys toic, amzaingly well behaved child. I think he held everything in him and his crying was the rage, the expression of what happened to him. I know my son well and I could see tht holding him was driving him nuts. Sometime I want to be elft alone and just cry and rant and grief. and sometime a child wants the same
after a weeek, it all came back to normal
post #147 of 149
I think that there is a difference between CIO and crying expressively. I don't think that if a child wants to be left alone, not hugged or touched and just cry then as long as they can get you as soon as they need you then that is what is important. My dd is almost 3 and at times she will have emotional episodes where she will just cry. Sometimes its anger, frustration or just being overtired. I try to hold or cuddle her, if she does not want it then I gently remove myself from her personal space as far as she needs then wait for her to want me. Once she wants mommy I am there for her, and she knows it. I am sure your ds knew you were there for him too, so at that point just knowing that WAS comfort enough.

When an infant is left to cry for convenience, or sleep or whatever it is not a good thing. I have heard of a dad so frustrated by the colicky baby crying that he shook it and now the child is severly handicapped. In cases like this it would have been netter had the man put the baby in a crib, playpen whatever and walked away to compose himself.

However most CIO's are children with very real needs, even if it just the need for a close physical presence for a bit, and they are neglected for "training" purposes. Children are very human and their needs and even wants are just as real and valid as ours and should be treated thusly.

I maybe a bit militant, but if my ds begins to cry while we are driving somewhere, I will make up a bottle and jump in the back and feed him. If I am driving I will pull into a parking lot or strip mall or whatever and change his diaper and feed him, then continue on with the trip.

I have seen many "trained" children in my day and I shudder to think that the parents did this on purpose. They remid me of "stepford" children, void of real personality, little robots incapable of thinking or doing something without momy or daddy's say-so.

IMNSHO ALL Ezzo, Pearl and other "beat em' into submission, train em like dogs" book should be illegal.
post #148 of 149

I think you

pin pointed imporata difference. In fact,how can one not stop the car and feed the child or cahnge the diaper? as a training for what excately?
post #149 of 149

I think the on purpose definition says it best

I dont let her cry on purpose. She cries in the carseat and sometimes when shes fighting sleep even though I am there with her. The thought of mothers letting their babies cry more than a few minutes unconsoled until they become sick and sad just makes me literally sick to my stomach.
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