3 1/2 year old driving me insane! Help!

[Ilovelife]

Dd has a habit of whining incessantly about something until I am compelled to offer a solution. Then, she will do it "her own way" which usually turns out to be a more difficult way than I have suggested, and therefore requires much MORE whining and yelling, screaming, etc.

For example, this morning she whined about wanting to get over the baby gate. I tried ignoring her and asking her several times, nicely to speak in her normal voice. I tried to get her to think of another way to get into the kitchen. She kept whining/complaining. What bugs me is that she KNOWS how to go around the other way and is perfectly capable of doing so. So finally I calmly suggested she go the other way. She then tries to squeeze through this tiny area, getting stuck/squished (not in a dangerous way), with much more whining, yelling, crying. Gets through finally and announces "I did it!"

Aaaaahgh!!! Should I just not say anything? Let her keep whining all day? Offer a suggestion & then keep quiet? Ideally I'd like her to 1) not whine (okay I realize that's probably not going to happen) and 2) think up her own "solution" (At least when I know she already knows what to do/has done it before. I'm willing to prompt her). Ideas?

[newmommy]

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[Bippity]

Hmmmm... I don't know if it'd work for you, but with my DD whenever she starts the whiney thing I just say, "I can't understand you, why don't you take a deep breath, and try again in a calm voice. If she keeps whining I just get this very confused look on my face, like whaaaa...t? I had to decide to never answer a whine - it's a foreign language in our house, we call it "Whinese" and we don't speak that language. Of course, when it's a whine, like "I don't feel well..." or something like that, its ok. HTH!

I'd also say, try to get her involved in coming up with a solution of her own. Ask her, something like, Let's see... how could you get over the gate? List some options and ask for many more.. Could you fly over? Jump? Crawl? Hop? Go around? Get her involved in thinking it thru, maybe, and try to get her to laugh. Nothing cures Whinese faster than laughter.

[Ilovelife]

Originally Posted by Bippity

I'd also say, try to get her involved in coming up with a solution of her own. Ask her, something like, Let's see... how could you get over the gate? List some options and ask for many more.. Could you fly over? Jump? Crawl? Hop? Go around? Get her involved in thinking it thru, maybe, and try to get her to laugh. Nothing cures Whinese faster than laughter.

I try this all the time & she just gets all frustrated & more whiney, saying "NOTHING will work." or some variation of that.

I like the Whinese. I've tried variations of that, but probably not consistently enough. She might like giving it a name.