wwyd -- 4yo waking 3 week old -- intentiall-- laughing

[Momma Aimee]

My best freind has anew baby and a 4 yo

the boy (4) is good, but can be a real hand full.

They are GD parents who do not hit -- have have resoted to time outs simply cuz nothing else calms downt he boy adn 're-sets" him to listen and follow rulles.

She is trying not to use TO in connection with the baby -- unless he would hurt it -- as it is enough of a transtion for him and we do not want him to dislike thebaby as "it is always gettiing him in toruble"

however

he will not let it sleep. he cares nothing for it when it is awake (trains are more fun) but if the baby girl falls asleep -- he is there poking her with toys, pulling her hat off in one grand violent rip. he will poke her, push on her and so on. jsut to wake her up so she cries. and if she doesn't wake up, he keeps at it till caught or she wakes up.

how do you get him to leave her alone so she can sleep?

My freind doesn't want to "put her away" in another area -- she wants the baby in the living room, or kitchen with them.

She has two carriers but is not at ease with them yet -- adn there are time she will want to lay the baby down anyway. she is looking at getting a new carrier too.

the baby is in a little basket -- off away from the play area.

WWYD????

Aimee

[nextcommercial]

What I do when I have an infant and touchy pre-schoolers in my daycare, is I set up the playpen, (full size playyard) and I put the saucer, bouncy or whatever the baby is playing in in the playyard. That way nobody can touch her or kiss her, and I can do other things with the bigger kids too.

Also, just last year, I discovered Mei tais and babywraps. When I have an infant, I will put her in there and carry her while she sleeps. That way, the baby is tied to me, and I still have my hands free to get everything done.

At three weeks, the baby can be tied to mom in a wrap on the front, and Mom will barely know she is there.

http://www.thebabywearer.com/article...raparounds.htm

[Momma Aimee]

she is looking at a differnt carrier.

The pack and Play in in their room for when she showers (they co-sellp, crib in nusery is changeing table) -- I will suggest soemthing like this to her.

any other thoughts out there?

[Piglet68]

She needs to play with the 4 yr old during naps if baby is not in a sling. Or find a fave activity that will distract the child (DVD, computer game, etc). The 4 yr old needs attntion/distraction and this is the only way he knows how to get it. Punishment won't work IMHO.

[Momily]

I'd work with him to see the "plus side" of the baby being asleep -- he gets mommy time! When the baby goes to sleep I'd probably do some exagerated tiptoeing and say "Oh, I hope she stays asleep so we can play together!" Soon I'd move into "Let's let the baby sleep so we can play together after . . . " and doing a short chore, then the older sibling will know there's a natural reward for allowing the baby to sleep.

I can't help wondering if mom is using the time baby's asleep to run around and get things done, and big brother is seeking attention.

[jellop]

Also, your friend needs to realize it's going to take time. Their 4 yr old has had 4 years of being the only one. It's a major adjustment to get used to having a new baby in the house for him. And it's only been 3 weeks.

As for waking her up, he may actually be "missing" her as a background noise - when she's asleep, he doesn't hear her, so he "turns her back on". It's like kids with that one annoying toy, they wind it up and let it run, but don't play with it though. As soon as it turns of (by itself or if you turn it off), they run back to turn it back on! It's his way of interacting with her - he's not trying to me mean to her or anything, and it doesn't mean he doesn't like her.

I agree with pp, she needs to make sure she's not using the baby's sleeping time to get chores done - she needs to spend some one-on-one time interacting with her 4 yr old. Making sure to point out the "plus side" of baby sleeping is another good idea, too. Also, involving him with the baby when she's awake (helping change her, petting her softly to make her feel nice, ect) will help him feel more involved WITH her, not like she's some appliance in the house that her has to avoid/be careful with. Even if he doesn't seem to be totally into it, have her keep on - he's absorbing and watching everything that's going on.

[Fuamami]

I do this too, I put the babe down in the bouncy seat wherever I am with the other two. My almost four year old doesn't usually try to wake him up, but my toddler does. I just calmly say, "Uh-uh, the baby's asleep, let him sleep." And then distract him with something more fun.

If she needs to get chores done, maybe she can get the four year old to help. Or set her up with clay or coloring or something?

[chfriend]

dd1 was 3.75 when dd2 was born. dd1 often wanted to wake dd2 up. We asked why, she said that she was afraid dd2 would turn into a fish. Some probing questions revealed that meant she was afraid dd2 would stop breathing (and die). We assured her that dd2 was just fine. Then we showed her how to watch dd2's chest rise and fall to see that dd2 was breathing just fine.

Then dd1 was able to stop worrying.