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devastating news...m/c mentioned

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

I'm back on the TTC boards...although it'll be a few months before I can see us being emotionally and physically ready to TTC again.

I'm afraid I need to vent. We lost our baby yesterday.

We went in for our 12 week OB appt and we were hoping to "hear" the baby's heartbeat. When she couldn't find it, she u/s (both abd and vag) me and there was no heartbeat. We couldn't believe it. We had a nice strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. I look and feel pregnant. This was totally shocking to us. The baby measured at about 10 1/2 weeks, so it must have happened fairly recently. I did have some dark brown spotting over the weekend, (read post) and didn't think too much of it.

We will be having a "full" workup on ourselves and the fetus since this is our second m/c. I don't know what to think.

I had a D and C yesterday and it went as good as a D and C can go. I'm not able to sleep tonight (it's 3:00 in the morning!!) maybe due to the drugs. I did loose alot of blood.

This is "worse" than the first time since we thought we were getting out of the "danger period". How can I trust my body again??

It's not fair. I know that on a spiritual level there are no mistakes and that things happen for a reason. It's sure hard to "digest" that right now. I am completely devastated. How could this happen again?????

Have any of you been through this and have had children? Any good grief books- that are more on a "spiritual level?"

Thanks for listening to me and letting me vent.
post #2 of 14

I am so sorry for your loss. How devestating for you and your dh. I hope the two of you take time to heal from this together. Hopefully family and friends will be supportive, too.

Unfortunately, I have no knowledge of helpful books, but I would check the book list here or the list through LLL. They tend to have some good choices on all sorts of topics.

Please take care.
post #3 of 14
Oh Abylite,

My heart goes out to you and dh. Please be gentle with yourselves. I wonder if it isn't asking a lot of yourself to make sense of things on a spiritual level just yet, with all the emotions of grieving and shock. Although I can certainly understand wanting to make sense of it all.

Hopefully your testing can give you some answers.

Please know that you're both in my thoughts and prayers.

Take good care of yourself.

post #4 of 14
I am so very sorry. I know the heartbreak you are experiencing. I had two miscarriages, although they were not "in a row". I know some folks wont recommend the "workup", but i recommend it. I think you will feel better knowing....even if nothing comes of it, kwim?

This kind of sadness does not necessarily go away, i "moved on", meaning, I am thinking about it right now and am very sad. Yes, i have three healthy children, but i still wonder about "what could have been". I too felt "worse" after my second miscarriage....like you i was "past" my danger period and gotten one heck of a flu, meaning the baby was a keeper. imagine my suprise and horror when i started spotting at 15 weeks. It was awful, and i shudder almost 6 years later thinking about it.

Eat small meals, sip some hot tea, put your feet up, rest. Let yourself feel and grieve, cry and sob. do not hold it in. come here as often as you need, to "talk" about it and share. we are here for you, for as long as it takes.

hugs to you, Lisa
post #5 of 14
Ohh Abylite s I am so so sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself
post #6 of 14
I'm soooo sorry - HUGS to you. I think I miscarried over the past weekend, but the pain is worse if you've already heard a heartbeat (I hadn't). I totally feel for you.

I have a friend who conceived after four miscarriages! She had to see a specialist and do some progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. But she's now due any day with her first. There is hope!

Maybe you could do a closure type of ritual with some of your friends? You could light some candles and read some passages that are significant for you. Or bury something or plant a tree with some friends. One of my friends suggested this to me and it may help on a spiritual level. Just an idea.

I'll think about your all day and send healing vibes your way.
post #7 of 14

I am profoundly sorry for your loss.

Give yourself all the time and space you need to come to what terms you can with the loss of your baby.

Please feel all of our care and support. I wish there was some way to make this easier for you.

Gentle, gentle hugs and prayers to you and your dh.
post #8 of 14

I posted in the Loss forum and I sent you a pm....
post #9 of 14
OH honey. I am so sorry. I don't have words. .
Just know that we are here if you need us and thinking of you. Be very good to yourself.

Much love.
post #10 of 14
Oh Abylite, I am so so sorry. I will be thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts and prayers.

post #11 of 14
Abylite, sweetie, I'm so sorry! This is my worst nightmare right now and I can't even begin to know what you are going through. Please be gentle with yourself. I'm sending you healing thoughts.
post #12 of 14
abylite, so sad- sorry to hear of your loss- i too had 2 m/c in a row- turns out i have a mild blood clotting disorder- microscopic blood clots interfere with proper implantation/fetal growth- have a magnificentally healthy 2 year old and then these m/c- now i am taking baby aspirin and will be using heparin( blood thinner) when preg.- called anti-phospholipid syndrome-
i wish you comfort in this difficult time- so hard-
post #13 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your warm replies. The tears come and go...sometimes they come very unexpectantly!

Gina...thanks for sharing your story. I'm hoping that when we have the testing that it may show something that will help us keep the next baby...or that everything is fine and it's another fluke.

I'm taking care of myself as much as I can. Thanks again. I'm so glad you all are "here".
post #14 of 14
My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you find the answers you are searching for.
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