Originally Posted by Ruthla
First of all, I'm
at "relaxed to the point of comatose"
Secondly- I'd like to chat about anything and everything as long as it doesn't raise my blood pressure!
Mostly I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and not sure if I'm doing the right thing for ANY of my children right now. At the present moment, I have my oldest and youngest in school and my middle child home with me. I'm dealing with an enourmous amount of outside pressure regarding "what are you teaching her?" I feel like maybe I'm failing her by letting things go at her own pace rather than enforcing some kind of curriculum on her. But then I can't bring myself to actually enforce a curriculum that she finds boring, even if it interested her last week when we took it out of the library.
Then I have my other two in school. Am I doing them a disservice by that? I cringe when DS tells me about how he wanted to read but his teacher made him write instead. His report card came last week, and he got 3s and 4s in everything, except writing, which he got a 1 in. This tells me that he's not ready for writing yet, at least not for the kinds of expectations they have for him. Maybe his fingers simply aren't mature enough to write neatly yet. Then he comes bounding in making normal 5yo boy noises and with normal 5yo boy energy and I seriously doubt my ability to be home with him all day due to my own lack of energy and lack of ability to deal with noises. Sending him off to school where he can be loud and boisterous while I get peace and quiet seems like a logical choice. But filling out the paperwork for next year, I feel like I'm sending him into the lion's den.
I'm still not sure what I'm doing with my oldest next year but she's 12 and not quite so vulnerable. She knows full well that HSing is an option but she wants to check out the available middle schools as well.
I have two in school as well, and it would be lovely to have them all at home. My oldest is going off to college in the fall, so that's not going to happen. The younger ds was hs'd for a couple of years, but after a time, made a well thought-out case for school. After a period of worry about that, and talking about it over and over and over again with some hsing friends, I feel certain that the child is doing what is right for him.
(I have some very patient hsing friends, let me tell you! I am not the only one in my group doing a combination, interestingly enough. I think it happens. You do have to go with what the children are expressing the need to do). That all said, if I thought the child was sufferring somehow, I wouldn't hesitate to bring him back home. He's a happy, thriving, sweet kid, so whatever works for him is clearly working. I try not to fret, and we participate in his school events. It's kind of nice that we can go to all the sports events, all the music and art events. Since the rest of us are hsers, our schedule is our own. If we want to see all of the inschool preformaces of something, we can.
If he chooses to come back home, he knows he can. Having the door open and welcoming is important to me. I also need to respect that he has freely and knowingly choosen this path for himself. He doesn't like it when I question him. "Mom, if I wanted to homeschool, I would. I knwo I can if I want. I don't want". To keep going on would tell him that I don't trust him, kwim? All this to say, I understand your concern about this.
I don't think we're doing our boy a disservice, so I wouldn't say you are, either...you are the mom and you can see whether the children are happy and thriving or not. You can make arrangements for change, or not, based on what your children need at any particular stage. Take it one year at a time, and be kind to yourselves as you get used to things.
the what are you teaching her part will get easiewr to deal with in time. I tend not to get into specifics with most folks. If the person is not invested in my life, or I don't want to discuss it further, I might say "We are reading a lot about poetry/ancients myths/Salem witch trials, right now. Sometimes people just want to know what you're doing. I try to answer it basically. If it's aperson who would like a greater discussion and is open, I might entertain that for a bit. As time passes, you may be able to feel less anxious about people who are trying to make you anxious. That's what I found for me, anyway. If the person is caring and open, I might even say 'We're trying to figure out a schedule that works well for us. We're still getting our feet wet" or something along that idea. Maybe add, "We sure do read a lot." I found old people especially really like to hear that.
I might consider taking the youngest out. There really is plenty of time. I know it seems crazy and difficult at first, but the younger they are, the easier it is. If you can get a couple of things going with other hsers, you can get him conected with other busy little ones. Our hsing group has a free gym day that the mothers of small ones enjoy a lot. He could also still do library story time at his age (if he likes it) and maybe a little Y gymnastics or free swim thing. The other thing you might consider, if you can, is to switch off playdates here and there with another hsing parent so you can have a morning to yourself for a bit of peace. I don't think there is anything wrong to want a little peace.
i think it's perfectly natural to have worries when we undertake new adventures. It's helpful for me to remember that I'm open to what needs doing. We can be flexible... the children are loved, and we are dedicated, respectful parents. We're trying to go about our lives as best we can. Nobody expects perfection, and nobody is perfect. We just have to stay thoughtful and open.