My dd is overweight - WDID

[coleslaw]

At my dd's last well-visit, she charted out-of-range for her weight. She is about 48 inches and 65 lbs. It all happened within the past year or so. I know how it happened and why (I lost a baby, was depressed and got pregnant again and did not push physical activity as I couldn't do much myself). I know I need to encourage her to get moving, have fun doing so and she needs a somewhat better diet (it's not terrible, but it could use some improvement). I don't want to make it a point to her that this is what we are doing. She knows about nutrition and what she needs to eat to stay healthy and that playing outside and moving around is good for her.

My main question is - should I be expecting to see a weight loss in her or do I just need to develop better habits and hope that as she gets taller, she will even out? And any advice on making the transition would be much appreciated.

[Momily]

My son has about the same "dimensions" as your DD, although he's got a lot of muscle so my Ped. says not to worry about it. I'm not too worried but I am putting changes in place:

Some of the things that we've instituted:

Making sure he has a large portion of fruit and vegetables on his plate at lunch and dinner, along with a smaller portion of higher calorie foods. I don't limit his portions of the higher calorie stuff, but it's out in the kitchen not on the table. Generally he finishes most of what's on his plate and then decides he's full, whereas when I didn't have the fruit he'd ask for seconds on the protein or grains, or he'd eat what was on his plate and then be hungry later.

Giving him water rather than something with calories to drink.

Planning activities that we can do as a family -- hiking, sledding, skiing, swimming, bike trips, going to the park -- so he doesn't think of exercise as something he needs to do, but as something we all need to do.

Paying attention to which if his friends inspire the most activity in him and inviting them over -- insisting that more of the playdates are at my house (where I can send them out to play in the backyard) rather than at his best friends house where they stay inside and watch videos.

I don't expect him to lose weight, just to stay stable while his height catches up.

[Cinder]

I think the goal would be for her to just stop gaining weight and have her height catch up, not actually losing weight at this age.

[Satori]

I would say make it about both of you in taking better care of yourselves. Clean up your diets and start getting exercise together even if its just a 15 minute walk each day. I wouldn't just wait for her to grow out of it because she'll end up being the "fat kid" for several years and kids are not kind to over weight kids no matter the reason and right now you still have influence over her habits so change will be much easier at this age.

[BelgianSheepDog]

I was similarly "overweight" at that age, and I stretched out to become very thin as the teen years approached.

However I was constantly dinged about nutrition and exercise in what I am sure everyone thought was a very positive and balanced way, and it caused me to become extremely self-conscious and see eating "bad food" as a way of asserting my right to self-determination. Tread carefully with the health nut stuff.

[rubelin]

my six year old has similarly really bulked up this year, and I've noticed that to be true for a lot of his classmates. But he does usually have a weight spurt near his birthday and then a height spurt 6 mo later and this year his height went first and now he's growing out, so it seems that he's getting really chunky, but I'm sure his height will catch up pretty quick.

[mamatoady]

Thank you for being such a concerned parent! I have been overweight my whole life and I can remember when I was in early elementary school and everyone (grandparents, parents) said directly to me, I'll be tall and slim when I get older--that it's just baby fat. Basically I wasn't overweight because I ate too much and moved too little, it was just "babyfat"

When I was in 5th grade I weighed 130 pounds and my mom said if I stayed that weight until I was older I would be very thin.

The problem? Nobody modelled good nutrition to me, we never had sit-down meals--we "fended for ourselves" for most meals because everyone was always busy. Nobody played with us in any way that involved movement--kids went to play, but adults didn't get engaged. Oh, and to top it off, I was already using food as a defense b/c I was sexually abused by a family friend and even though it stopped, no one attended to my emotional needs.

I remember a doctor handing us some pages about nutrition and my mom basically gave it to me and said "If you follow this, you'll lose weight." but she never helped me understand it or even fix my meals so I could follow it.

So, here are my thoughts for you...
model good nutrition, exercise, food portions
engage with her in all of the above things
do not expect her to manage her own health at this point--you are the parent, it is YOUR job to make sure she is eating well and moving well.
never chastize or even elude to there being something defective or wrong with her body, it's about health and feeling good about yourself!

sarah

[pinksprklybarefoot]

I just wanted to second the "tread carefully" comment. My (probably) well-meaning parents made just a few comments that set up my body image for the rest of my life. I was never a fat child, just a little chunky at times. My mom told me when I was about eight that I wasn't fat then, but I could get that way if I didn't watch it, especially with all of the fat aunts I had on my dad's side. When I was 11 and getting ready for a dance recital, my dad said to me that in a few years when I lost weight and started wearing makeup, I'd be really pretty. It was a great foundation for the eating disorder I developed later.

So I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to handle issues like this when my kids are old enough. I think it has to be about health and good living, not about weight. If you make it a point to be active with her or provide the opportunity for her to be active with friends/siblings and keep the foods in your house 95% healthy, you'll set her up for success. You sound like a mama that really cares about having a healthy child (physically and emotionally) and that is really the most important part.

[justmandy]

my dd (as well as her parents : ) is overweight. We have been terrable roll models, especially the first 3 years of her life. We are changing though. I cleaned up her diet, not enough to tramatize her, it was gradual. We introduced "sometimes foods" (thank you cookie monster) and talk about being healthy. We NEVER mention weight, she'll learn how to obsess about that on her own, she doesn't need me to lead her there.

Something fun we have found is kid's yoga and other kid's exersize dvd/videos at the library, we do them together (with the girls I babysit too) since we homeschool this is our "gym" class. We make it a big deal, changing into exersize clothes, rolling out our "yoga mats" (towels) and lots of positive reinforcement.

Your goal here is to not freak out. Don't make yourself or your precious child feel bad for the way they look or live. Losing wieght now could be dangerous, focus on not gaining much more. If you do just a few things well, you will see dramatic results in the next year.

We've been doing a so-so job (sometimes great, sometimes downright aweful) for about 2 years, dd has shot up and although she's still a bit over the chart (height and weight) her curve is getting closer to the healthy range...now to work on mom...

[coleslaw]

Thank you so much everyone for all of yoru replies! We are both overweight too, my dh with health problems, some related to weight, that we need to address too.

Absolutely, weight will not be mentioned at anytime! It is always about being healthy and feeling good. However, what scared me last night was when she stepped on the scale (her idea) for fun last night while brushing her teeth and said, "I'm heavy." Just stated, not with a depressed tone, but I didn't know how to react, so I said nothing and just moved on with whatever we were doing.

Some of my own brain storms were getting snack-sized containers to have nuts, seeds, granola, dried fruits etc. in. These will all go in a drawer that she can see and reach easily. Then I will have a fruit bowl on the dining room table (we don't have a kitchen tabel, so that's where we eat) filled with fruit. Then, I will get all sort of veggies that are good for dipping an cut them up into containers and have hummus on hand (which she loves) and keep those in the fridge. We are only going to have small amounts of "sometimes foods" (I like that, thanks!) in the house. SHe only drinks water so we are good there. The other big thing is we get take-out too much, which invites fried foods. We are working hard on changing that. We are just exhausted with a baby who wakes up every hour or two, but we are trying!!

On the moving front, I have a yoga kids video and an exercise with your baby DVD coming which I think I can convince her to join me. We homeschool, so the TV and computer are an all-day challenge. I am trying to cut it down through distraction and spending more time with me. Once it gets warm (it's in the single digits here I think), I will scope out nature trails and maybe even find bike trails. It's quite dangerous out on our roads here, so these are our best options. Also, her swim class starts in the spring and she takes dance now.

I've talked to my husband and he is on board. We will see if we can keep up this pace. We know we have to. It will be easier in the spring, but until then...

Any other stories, BTDT's or advice is very welcome!!!!

[justmandy]

Good job! We cut back tv by not having cable and a long time ago we had things called "TV Chips" Tehy were poker chips that dd earned by doing chores, being kind, being helpful etc, each one was worth so much time on the TV or computer. But that won't really help with the moving aspect of not watching TV. DD will chose to read, craft or play sitting down...better for the brain but not much good for the body kwim?

Play groups are super...when we meet freinds anywhere dd will go go go till we leave, maybe try hooking up with some other mamas.

[levar]

*I* joined weight watchers, and semi- so did my family. That worked for us. My son actually didn't lose weight, but but I sure feel better about his diet and nutrition now.

I have another friend though who (I think) had a brilliant idea... Her son broke his leg, gained too much wieght, and got in a 'rut' of watching tv and playing video games because he couldn't go outside, etc. So, the family got an excercise bike, set it infront of the tv, and if the tv is on SOMEONE has to be on the bike pedaling, no exceptions!! So far so good, they committed to 1 month and it went well so they added another month, etc. They also allowed their children to select one after-school sport for added activity, FYI.