Why does she cry for EVERYTHING?

[ZanZansMommy]

My 3.5 yr old is driving me insane. She whines & cries over everything. I didn't butter her toast right, the valentine lost some of it's glitter, the program is over, her brother is looking at her...: She never used to be like this.She was sweet & happy & now it's like she has permanent pms.

I try to be there for her most times & validate what she's experiencing, but at times I lose it & I can't help her then.Is this a stage? i can deal with it if it is as long as it doesn't last longer than the next week

[jgmommo]

My ds used to do this all the time around 3. He would melt down because I put his drink cup down before he was ready or in the wrong place or some equalling random thing. My friend suggested something that didn't work with her dd (also 3 at the time) but worked so well for my ds. I gave him a place to fuss about it. I said if he was so upset about the drink cup or whatever, it was okay to scream but he had to scream in his room. It was not a time out but that "your room is the place to scream" He actually took to it very quickly. When something would set him off, he'd run into his room , scream, and then after a few minutes, either call for me (and I'd come) or he'd come out just as peaceful as could be. I don't think this would have worked with my dd when she was that age but for him, it seemed to give him a place to get his frustration out and still, over a year later, his room is sort of a quiet sanctuary for him.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

My bf's 4 yo is like this a lot and it seems to go in stretches. The fact that she only lives with us every other week makes it difficult to figure out what is going on, because we don't really what is going on in her life during the other weeks. We've been theorizing lately that it could be a sleep thing - as in maybe she is growing and needs more. Sometimes the emotional me gets so frustrated and I think that she is just a crabby/unpleasant child, but intellectually I know there must be a reason for the meltdowns. I'll be watching this thread to see what everyone else says.

[marnie]

my daughter's the same. her very loving and wise preschool teacher explained it to me like this: at this age they are learning to make projections. they go from being happy (or not) with whatever is in front of them to starting to imagine what they might like (or not) and create the situation where it might happen.

they can now feel thirsty, want water, get up, get the cup, pour the water, and drink it. instead of just saying "thirsty" and waiting for us to cater to that. or even predict it and hand them a cup before they're even aware they're thirsty.

so the problem comes with this imagining a situation and moving towards creating it.

when they imagine something, they don't imagine that it might NOT happen. they imagine it, they expect it.

so your daugther pictured her toast one way and it appeared another way. she expected the valentine one way, and didn't foresee the glitter coming off.

this wise woman equated these things to someone pulling the chair out from under you. so you go to sit down, you know the chair is there, you sit, and suddenly it's not there. aside from any physical pain, the surprise alone is shocking and scary.

when a 3 year old imagines something and it doesn't happen exactly the way s/he imagined it, it's like the chair being ripped out from underneath. it's shocking and scary and surprising and devastating all at once.

it doesn't make it easy on US, but that's something to think about.

[ZanZansMommy]

Originally Posted by marnie

my daughter's the same. her very loving and wise preschool teacher explained it to me like this: at this age they are learning to make projections. they go from being happy (or not) with whatever is in front of them to starting to imagine what they might like (or not) and create the situation where it might happen.

they can now feel thirsty, want water, get up, get the cup, pour the water, and drink it. instead of just saying "thirsty" and waiting for us to cater to that. or even predict it and hand them a cup before they're even aware they're thirsty.

so the problem comes with this imagining a situation and moving towards creating it.

when they imagine something, they don't imagine that it might NOT happen. they imagine it, they expect it.

so your daugther pictured her toast one way and it appeared another way. she expected the valentine one way, and didn't foresee the glitter coming off.

this wise woman equated these things to someone pulling the chair out from under you. so you go to sit down, you know the chair is there, you sit, and suddenly it's not there. aside from any physical pain, the surprise alone is shocking and scary.

when a 3 year old imagines something and it doesn't happen exactly the way s/he imagined it, it's like the chair being ripped out from underneath. it's shocking and scary and surprising and devastating all at once.

it doesn't make it easy on US, but that's something to think about.

This makes total sense. Now I just have to be more patient. It's tough though. Thanks for all the responses.