traumatized toddler...

[LEAW]

My dd (25 months) is really pretty verbal, and woke while I was in transition and heard my extremely loud and vocal pushing...

Her doula (she had one just for her!) tells me that while they played she kept asking to open the door and let me in (they were in her room) but wouldn't come out, kept asking if I was ok, telling me I was ok, etc.

After baby was born she wouldn't come near me... which I expected, and she's also doing the typical "mama send the baby back" routine, but she won't come near me if I'm holding him, and she is telling me "scare you mama" and signing scared and even now she isn't willing to be near me, she will ask to nurse but then won't nurse, won't let me hold her (even if baby is nowhere near), etc.

She had some chamomille and calms forte after baby was born, but I'm wondering if there isn't a better homeopathic for her? She genuinely seems afraid of me, and is telling me she's scared.

Any ideas? Suggestions? Anything?

[elmh23]

How sad! I have no clue how to help her but here's a for you and a for her. I hope she starts dealing better soon!

[grapejuicemama]

My daughter was just a couple months older than yours when my second child was born. He was born in the middle of the night and she slept through the entire thing, so when she woke up, he was there. (home waterbirth)

She wouldn't come near me. She threw huge fits and was really just not acting herself at all. She wouldn't go near the baby.

What I did after a day or two, was give the baby to someone else and then just my daughter and I took a nice, long bath together. She wasn't nursing anymore, but baths were always something that had brought her comfort, so by secluding the two of us together in that tub for a little while and doing some playing and chatting, we were able to re-establish our bond/relationship and she knew that I was still her mommy too and the baby didn't change that.

There were still a few rough patches, but we dealt with them as patiently and lovingly as possible and now the two are the best of friends.

So, maybe not a bath for you and her if that isn't your thing, but maybe hand the baby off to someone else for an hour and really focus on your daughter and let her know that everything will be fine and normal.....

Congrats on your new baby and good luck!


OK. I just re-read your post and clued myself in to the part that she might have been scared.

Can you maybe show her some birth videos of other mamas roaring through birth?

Or talk to her about how those noises helped you?

Or maybe you and she could pretend like you two are some kind of animals and make crazy loud sounds together and at the end have a "baby" or present for her or something?

Just throwing out ideas......But you'll be able to get it worked out, don't worry.

[heartandhandsdoula]

My DD was 5 at our birth so I know its different, but...I got into natural birth when she was about 2-2.5 and we watched alot of videos. At first she was like what the??? But then started liking them and thought it was exciting that the baby came out. So she was so great at our birth b/c of all of the videos that we have watched over the years and all of the talking about noises and such. Maybe if she saw a video she might say hey thats what my mom sounded like. I don't know. Good luck.