Online voyeurism?

[Rio Mama]

My SIL lives about 8 time zones away in another country, so we end up communicating mostly via email. Her kids are smart, beautiful, peer-adored teenagers. The other day it occurred to us that they might have an internet presence, so we googled them and came across their equivalents of MySpace pages, full of teen gossip and personal, identifying info. On mentioning this to SIL, she became quite concerned that we were voyeuristically invading the teens' trust zones.

For my part, I found the fact of the websites interesting, but their content was mostly teen-oriented, so I hadn't intended to visit them much except to keep current with their lives and as a prep tool as to where their interests lie in anticipation of an upcoming visit. This accusation from SIL that we are doing the equivalent of listening to their private phone conversations has me concerned.

Your thoughts?

[Corri]

There's no such thing as privacy on the internet. Phone conversations are a bad analogy, 'cause you'd need to deliberately tap a phone or tune in a receiver to listen to both sides.

A webpage like MySpace is more like taking out an ad in the local paper - it's out there for anyone and everyone in the world to read, and if they don't want you seeing it, then they should take advantage of the friends-lock or password features that all blogs come equipped with.

If anything, your neiblings need to learn that there is no trust zone on the internet. Anything and everything that they post publically can be used against them, even years in the future. I have friends working in HR who have thrown out resumes when they googled the applicants' names and found myspace pages full of topless boobie shots and stories about going in to workplaces hungover or drugged. And if you found these kids, their future employers will too - the Wayback Machine and Google caches make sure that no page is ever really deleted.

[Turkish Kate]

If you're an "online voyeur" for looking at their pages, doesn't that make them "online exhibitionists?"

Better that *you* a family member who knows and loves them invade their "trust zone" than an actual predator.

[RBinTEX]

Both of my teens have a My Space, and I told them I would only allow it if I knew the password and could check out the content. I have never considered anything on the web to be personal, especially when it comes to teens.

[mommy68]

I can't believe she was upset with you for invading their privacy!! They're children for heavens sake. Didn't she care about the junk they had on the sites? It sounds like she got upset because she didn't really care about the content on the pages. Maybe you offended her and made her feel bad as a parent.

I go on myspace at times and look up pages for people just to see if they are there. No harm in that. They shouldn't put them out there if they want to keep them private.

[BelgianSheepDog]

I dunno, there's nothing wrong with looking up their public internet pages, but I've always thought it was kind of weird when someone says "oh I googled you." Why not just ask?

[fishface]

Internet content, ESPECIALLY personal webpages that are made for the exact purpose of sharing/networking are NOT private. You did nothing wrong!

[MamaChicken]

I keep an eye on my little brother's myspace page (he is 15 yo). He is going through a tough time and had posted that he was gay. He also had a gay young man in a nearby town leaving endearments on his page. I am pretty sure that he is gay, and I want to be supportive of him, but he is not "out" to my parents or any other family. I let him know that since myspace is public, he is likely "outing" himself. I asked if he was really ready to have that discussion with our parents.

He responded that he isn't gay, it was just a joke. But he changed his page and took those comments off. He just didn't realize that someone was looking at his page.

I think it is a good idea to keep an eye on those things, blogs or myspace pages, because the kids don't realize exactly how "public" they are. They need someone they trust to give them a reality check.

[orangefoot]

Your SIL doesn't understand the net then does she?

My sis and I know where each other posts; I cruise by her place sometimes and she does the same with me - not here though cos she's not a parent and isn't interested in this kind of stuff.

[BelgianSheepDog]

The more I think about it, the more this bugs me. A "prep tool"? I grant you that it's public and you have a right to read it, but that doesn't mean you should use it in lieu of having a regular conversation with them.

[Rio Mama]

Even given the fact that we don't have an international long-distance plan, they live 8 time zones away, & everyone is very busy? I actually thought it was kind of an ingenious way to see what music they were into ahead of time. (In the past, I just used to watch the Grammys & hope for the best.)

[oliversmum2000]

i thought the whole point of these web pages was to keep friends and family up to date and share things with other people

[MillingNome]

Originally Posted by fishface

Internet content, ESPECIALLY personal webpages that are made for the exact purpose of sharing/networking are NOT private. You did nothing wrong!

AMEN! They have to learn that there is no privacy online. Consider too that employers and some colleges are dregding the internet for candidates' webpages. Some ex-spouses even come here to dig for dirt in custody cases. Once again, if it is online, don't consider it private.

And just because you are reading their pages doesn't mean you can't email them or call (not saying you don't do those things ) In these high-tech days, there are so many ways to keep the lines of communication open!