homeschooling and living rurally...long post...

[canuckgal]

Hi! We are living here in a city of 10,000 about 40 min from Winnipeg. I have lived here for almost 18 months, but have not gotten to know alot of homeschoolers....locally there are small clusters of several families each who do things. Winnipeg has a large group of 150 families or so, I try to make it to their informal potluck once per month, but most of thier field trips are way too advanced (as far as location, age limits, very structured agenda of we are doing this, then this which makes for a very grumpy dd who doesn't enjoy it...my kids would rather explore the nature center at their own pace so we go on our own ourselves.) The city we now live in is very, ahem, "geriatric" and culturally/generationally/religiously very exclusive, without alot to do for kids...not even scouts, and it was a fight for my friend (a Cadet leader) to get that brought here b/c of it's military connotations! There's just gymnastics, the usual sports stuff, and an arts center, all that costs an arm and a leg and half the time does not have stuff for my kids ages. I work part time shiftwork, about 3-4 days per 2 weeks, so it makes it hard to go to stuff too.

We are going to look at a rural property that we both love (the pics at least, we are going today) It is about 25 min from our current city, out on an acerage. The town it is near to is very very tiny, sort of a bedroom community/truck stop, about a few hundred people (like alot of small communities here!)

Part of us would just love this place...a chance to sort of "homestead", have a garden, chop wood for the woodstove, have snowmobiling trails in our backyard, etc....something we have always wanted (and have done to some extent other places we live)...we are so sick of living in a city/town. Both dh and I are sort of nature/camping/hunting/back to nature people. I do worry about the driving it would take to go anywhere (it is actually a little farther from Winnipeg by about 10 min or so.) I have never lived anywhere I have had to drive more than 10 min to work, but people around here do it all the time! I don't know what to think...my kids SEEM to be doing fine, and are happy with our going to the library for our 60+ books once every 10 days or so, and getting together 1-2 times a month with the two families we have made some connections with (I would actually be about 15 min closer to one of them who lives out of town) and going to the potluck.

I am wondering how those of you who live relatively isolated do this. I am wondering who needs "socialization", my kids or me? : I am having major cabin fever unfortunately. Do you feel "trapped" at all? I am an introvert for the most part and have unfortunatley not had rejuvination time lately, I think that this is what is making me feel this way, plus not having gotten to know alot of people or "click" with the more local group. Then I get to thinking my kids need someone to play with besides me On the other hand, I don't want to be a "soccer mom" and drag them to everything, it is very hard on my kids and makes them grumpy. For example, I was invited to a board game day the Winnipeg group has every other week, it's at 2pm. The logistics of leaving with kids, snacks, having them fall asleep in the car, finding where I am going (!!!! I hate city driving) is boggling to me sometimes.

I guess I am looking for feedback. I am trying to find a balance, feeling like we need more activity, but not knowing how much is too much, and the impact moving out here would have, especially when they get older and want to be involved in more stuff. We are torn between loving the looks of this place, yet thinking about the implications too, like what is the lesser of the 2 evils.

Suggestions, personal stories, anyone? O, and does anyone find, like me, going to group things, that your kids just play because there is a common thing to do, sort of like a parallel play of toddlers, like there is a science center exhibit and here are us with our 15 kids and yes this trip is nice and a "learning" experience, but they aren't really forming friendships/interacting ontheir own terms, KWIM? Is that just society today? Heck, I have even found this in my dealings as/with adults! We seem so much more "closed off" than I remember being as a kid.

Tina, dp James, dd Stephanie (almost 7) and ds Jonathan (almost 3) here in Manitoba, Canada

[bluehalo]

I sympathize with some of your dilemmas. To answer part of your question, yes, I do think you need to evaluate whether the "socialization need" is yours, or your children's. Sometimes when I'm really dying for adult conversation, I might drag my kids out to an activity, but then I end up frustrated that I don't have 5 minutes w/o facilitating something or chasing the toddler to actually talk to some of the other moms. That's really made me be more mindful about whose needs I'm trying to serve. If I can tell that it's *my* need for adult interaction, I'll try to schedule a girls night out, or head to a stitch and bitch meeting, or something like that. If I can truly say that it's my child's need, then I can try to facilitate a way that will satisfy them.

I also hear you re: organized fieldtrips / activities / sports / etc. I *do* think it's hard to make meaningful relationships with other kids when you're only time with them is organized or structured to some extent. I know that with my kids, well, my 6 year old at least, he really has a hard time connecting w/ children in large groups. So, we might use those larger activities to meet folks, but if he really hits it off w/ another child, we'll invite them over for a play date, or suggest meeting up at a local park, or somewhere where the two children can really get a feel for one another and just *play*, without there being an external agenda of any sort.

I don't know about your city v/s country life question either. Our family struggles w/ similar issues. We just moved to a small city near the mountains in central Virginia ... we're renting right now, and our lease is up in June, so we're currently househunting and trying to figure out where we want to be long term. Convenience to "town" and DH's work is a factor, and being close to homeschool activities and friends is a factor too ... but I'm also craving a b it more space and privacy that is able to be found close to town (in our price range, at least), so I don't know where we'll end up. I've told my husband that I'm willing to try living in a neighborhood close to town, but that in 5 years if I'm fed up and want to go live in the woods in the middle of nowhere, he has to be game It's certainly an adventure, isn't it?

Good luck to you

[momto l&a]

IMO a 25 mintue drive is nothing. Dh does that to work each day. I do it for thrift dtore shopping, library and that type of stuff.

I was hs'ed and lived about 30 minutes from town. I loved it.

My mom took me to concerts over 2 hours away about once a month.


Country living IMO is very important for children. It gives them a chance to be free, run and play with out adults watching over their every move.

As for me I am good at staying home but need a day to get out every week or two. I go nuts living in town.

Be warned though it does take a bit of adjustment to country/rural life.

I think kids need to interact with people not just kids.

[moominmamma]

We live about 4 km outside a village of 600. We're 90 minutes from a city of 10,000 and 4+ hours from the nearest city of 100,000+. We're on a bit of an acreage with XC trails at our doorstep, chickens in the coop and goat or llama dreams.

We love it. It works really well for us. While we have no homeschooling 'group' to be part of, we've found our little village to be inclusive and open-minded, and that's been the key. Rather than looking to a couple of dozen homeschooling families to be our social community, we look to the sum total of the 600 people in our village. We attend the community gym on Fridays, and Brian and Maggie, elderly folk who use the fitness room on a regular basis, are often there. Maggie dotes on the kids, Brian often comes and shoots a few baskets with my kids. We are part of a music program which includes my kids and many kids who go to school; they form my kids' peer-group. Last night, for instance, Noah was off at a quartet rehearsal with three agemates. They hung out afterwards and talked Runescape and played cards and Lego. We volunteer with the garden society which maintains the waterfront garden; most of the members are over 50, but my kids think of them as friends. My 13yo sings in the community choir; none of her friends there are homeschoolers -- they're high school students, teachers, nurses and snowplow drivers. My two older girls take a clay class; it's after school to accommodate schoolchildren, though more than half the class is made up of homeschoolers. Our friend Tsuneko, who happens to be almost 70, helps the kids with their interest in Japan. Our friend Kay (60-ish) has us over to her house everytime she goes on interesting world travels to show us her incredible slides ... and the kids drool over them, partly because she's such an amazing storyteller.

Small towns have fewer organized resources and activities, it's true. But what richness there is in the community is in the people, and those people tend to be easy to discover, to get to know, and very generous with their time and their enthusiasm. I love that our social circle encompasses the whole village, and not just homeschooling families with similary-aged children.

I'm an introvert as well. My 'cabin fever' is so much less a problem now that my kids are older, because I can take time for myself even while we're all together at home without worrying about them getting into problems. So I can go outside and plow or garden, or go for a run or a ski, or retreat into the basement room and play my viola for an hour and return feeling recharged -- and they're still happy and they haven't destroyed the house in the meantime.

Miranda

[Dillpicklechip]

Miranda, that post was beautiful. I wish we were part of a small community like yours. In the big city it's so much harder to connect with others because everyone seems to be in a rush and no one speaks to each other.

I've always wanted to move my family to the country, but I have some similar concerns to Tina, so I'm watching this thread with interest.

momto l&a, I'm curious what you meant when you said country life takes a bit of adjustment?

[alima]

Hi Tina, I live in Winnipeg, and have lived in cities my whole life, so I can't help with the rural stuff, but I can tell you a bit about my own experiences with the Winnipeg hs group and socializing in general when ds was younger.

I pulled ds from public school when he was 8, and having friends was a big worry for him, so I felt a lot of pressure to get involved with every single field trip, park day, play group and anything else I could find that he was eligible for. Looking back on it, the field trips were often more stressful than anything else, ds never met any friends through them, and I never found another hsing mom I really clicked with (I think that was the real reason I was dragging him out to everything.) After a year, we got a lot choosier with our time. This year we have hardly attended anything, because my work schedule has gotten in the way, but also because ds is now too old for much of the field trips, and he has found his own group of friends on his own. It was around when he was 11 or 12 that he really started to socialize for himself, call up friends on his own, take responsibility for his own social life, and that's when it took off on it's own. I really think now, looking back on things, that there would have been no difference in his social life and social level if I had taken him to everything I could for years, or just left him to happily build forts and read books like he usually wanted to.

One thing I want to mention is that when you register as an hser in Mb, you get access to the Teachers library through the Ministry of Education (I forget it's formal name, but it's on the Ed website.) It's a great resource, because you can search the catalog online (games, manipulatives, films, everything available), and if you're outside Winnipeg, they will mail out your choices to you, postage paid, with no overdue fee. It's a great option for rural hsers (I live less than a mile from the library, so no mail option for me, darn, been feeling a little lazy with the -40 weather we were having : )

As for the driving, I do think you get used to it (this from a non-driver, ), but my sis lived in Great Falls for a year, and they used to drive in to Winnipeg every weekend, bil would drive for 2 hours just to golf, they actually got more active when they lived in the country, there was more incentive to drive to do things, than when everything was at their fingertips. Their kids were quite young when they lived there, right on the banks of the Winnipeg River, I was their nanny for a while, and we used to just go and hunt for bugs, check out birds, look for animal tracks, puddles, cool rocks, etc, for hours every day. I was bored out of my mind (I was still pretty much a teenager then ), but the girls loved it, were never bored. I don't remember them ever wishing they had more kids to play with at the time (they were 3 and 2), don't know if that would be different if they were older.

As far as cabin fever, I get it, and I live in the city, work at a major arena, can walk around for miles in the walkway system we have here, am constantly socializing with friends, co-workers, staff, customers, etc. I think winter is just winter. Right now I'm missing the reading and lounging time that I would normally be doing in winter, but my job is keeping me way busier than I used to be. When ds was younger, and I would be getting major cabin fever (it was bad sometimes, cause I'm a single mom of an only child, spent lots of evenings alone after ds had fallen asleep) I would read books about places I'd love to visit sometime, spent a lot of time learning to cook very well (if I say so myself ), and learned to enjoy my own company and appreciate slow, quiet time. I didn't enjoy it at the time a whole lot, but I'm really glad for it now, learning patience, and learning to enjoy my own company was an important lesson for me, and the depth it brought to mine and ds's relationship is better in the long run than any short-term entertainment. I guess what I'm getting at is, if this move is something you really want to do, don't worry too much about your own boredom and isolation, because those would be short-term things, compared to long-term happiness in a place you want to be. But, if you really think you need more interaction than you're getting right now, then a really rural move might not be for you.

In terms of activities, when your kids get older, it will be much easier to get out and about, and they will be much more motivated to do stuff than you will (trust me, ) I don't know if we're more closed than we used to be, or if we're under more pressure to experience and participate in everything possible, and to expose our children to, and train them in as many different skills as possible, and that leads to a more shallow interaction. Since I started working more, I've dropped anything in my life that wasn't truly necessary, and I've found that I don't miss most of it (lectures, "educational experiences" ds, field trips and classes, far extended family that I visited mostly out of guilt), and have identified what was really important (yoga, friends, time with my sister and nieces, reading time) and that I'm happy with what I'm doing.

Don't know if that helps, I think I was rambling a bit, feel free to ignore me

[annethcz]

I'll be following this thread with interest. We just signed a purchase agreement for an acreage property out in the country. Our new house is 7 miles from a town of 4,000, 25 miles from the suburbs of a large metro area. DH will commute 30 miles each way to work. We're moving from the suburbs to the country.

I do worry a little bit about isolating my children by moving to a rural area. But there are also huge benefits. The kids can learn to be independent in a safe environment near home. They can run and explore and build forts in the woods behind our home. I am so excited about being able to expand my gardens, plant an orchard and have chickens- and I know my kids wil benefit from helping me in those endeavors. We'll be a mile from a large river, which the kids can bike to and fish in, once they are old enough.

Although we won't be within walking distance, we do have friends who live in town. As it is now, we often drive 10-30 minutes for playdates with friends, so I consider the >10 minute drive into town to be not a big deal.

My biggest dilema right now is trying to decide how many activies we should stay in. For example, we're currently involved in a HS co-op that offers classes for kids ages preK- 8th grade or so. It's a secular group, and my kids have really enjoyed it. It will be about a 40 minute drive from our new house. Although other families make the drive, I'm not sure if I want to do that once a week. It almost seems like it would be incompatible with the decision to move to the country. What's the point of moving to a different place, if we're just going to keep doing the same things we did before, but have to drive farther? Half of me wants to quit the co-op, and the other half of me wants to keep going so my kids don't become isolated. I don't want to rely on HSing groups that only do field trips, I really do think my kids have formed better friendships as a result of being involved in weekly classes.

Anyway, I'm really excited about our move. View from the dining room now vs. view from our new dining room. The difference is like night and day. I can't wait to get out of town.

I'm enjoying the perspectives on this thread so far, I'm interested to see if anyone else has thoughts on the subject...

[MtnCanary]

Hi all,
I grew up in an urban area (northern VA), and now live in a very rural (<14 people/sq mile) area. We now live on 8.5 acres 4 miles out of town (pop 1500), and it's 1 1/2 hours to the city. I think it is great for the kids. We have more unstructured play time, there's less commercial / material influence, we can have all the pets we want, take nature walks whenever. And the "wow" factor is just great when I call the urban relatives and tell them about hearing the mountain lion or coyotes or bear at night, the tarantulas in the driveway, etc.

It is pretty isolated, but I'm an introvert so it's not too bad. When I start getting stir-crazy, I pretend I'm a pioneer woman in the midst of a huge prarie <g>. I've found a small start-up homeschool co-op that meets once a week, so I can connect with other moms a little. There aren't as many "opportunities" for the kids, but that's okay. It keeps us unscheduled and not hectic. We like having the flexibility to do whatever the day calls us to. The kids have the whole property to roam. They have lots of time to observe nature. We have cats, dogs, and mules. We will probably get chickens at some point. We're putting in a big garden. We don't have to buy kits to see frogs, lady bugs and caterpillars metamorphosize - they're in the front yard. There's so much opportunity for "education" to happen through our daily life here.

The adjustments to make: In a small town, things close early (the store closes at 8pm). Many businesses close on Sundays, or have shortened hours. No restaurant delivery. Grocery shopping at a decent price is often farther away. Things like gasoline are more expensive. There's not as much selection of "stuff" to buy. In general, I need to be more self-reliant here. I have no neighbor who can watch the kids for a minute (we're the only house on our 1 mile road). If your car breaks down, the roads are not as travelled so you won't get help as easily, and you're likely to be pretty darn far from a payphone (we don't have a cellphone). There's more of a DIY attitude. My sister complains when she has a 20 minute drive to get the kids to the hospital. I have a 1 1/2 hour to get my kids to the hospital. There's not as good a selection of doctors or other health services. Alternative therapies might not be available. There are different dangers to teach kids about - in the city, there's stranger-danger. Here, it's rattlesnakes, poison oak and mountain lions.

It's a different way of life, but very fulfilling. My daughter, when we visit the city, comments on how crowded and dirty it is, and how many people there are. She wouldn't trade our rural lifestyle for anything.

Kristin
mom to dd (5 1/2), ds (2 1/2), and #3 due in June

[canuckgal]

Thanks for all your replies

We saw the property this am and loved it! Alima, it is 4 miles east of Richer if you are wondering. It is just what we want, heavily treed/private, has a 2 storey playhouse in the yard (I can see dd drooling now) and swings, a large garden, and even saskatoon bushes, and a hazelnut tree. It also has a huge garage and workshop (dh is an advid knife buff, and wants to get into knife making, so this would be perfect) and it has a woodstove too. It is a very nicely fixed up housetrailer with a huge addition down almost it's entire length, making it almost 1600 sq feet. The kids would still have to share a bedroom while we build a wall back where they took it down between the one bedroom and the laundry room, but there is SO MUCH MORE SPACE in the rest of the house, which we don't have now, which is good for them (and me)

I am pretty excited and we made an offer, we will find out tomorrow am (There is a previous offer, but we know because it was through another agency and the realtor was allowed to tell us it was way less than what we offered, and the other offer is conditional to the selling of their house and other things, so we are crossing our fingers.)

DH and I had a long talk about the place, driving, socialization, the rhythm of our life. We think that the pros about living out here would beat the cons of driving by a long shot, and that even how little to me at least I get to "homeschooling stuff" we have an amount of activity right now that is right for us.

I hope by posting this I haven't effectively closed my thread. If anyone else wants to share feel free!

Tina

[mattemma04]

This thread is making me want to move

While we do live in the city the lack of connection, and the city rules can be frustrating. I can't do anything in my own yard without neighbors watching and complaining. I think kids do well in rural settings.

[Dillpicklechip]

Tina, that property sounds just awesome! I hope you guys get it!

Originally Posted by mattemma04

This thread is making me want to move

While we do live in the city the lack of connection, and the city rules can be frustrating. I can't do anything in my own yard without neighbors watching and complaining. I think kids do well in rural settings.

This thread is making me want to move too! Not only do I feel unhappy in the city, but we live in a townhouse condo too, so we have to put up with all the stupid rules of the condo as well...Hubby can't so much as pop the hood on the car without having a nosy neighbour complain, and I can't even hang up laundry to dry. Not to mention that we have ZERO privacy here as the walls are paper thin. We have to listen to the sexual noises of the neighbours on one side, and the teenage girl on the other side blares hip-hop every time her mom isn't home. When the mom is home she pounds on the wall if my kids are playing too noisily...what I wouldn't give to have NO NEIGHBOURS, or at least none that close!

[Thystle]

I just found this thread and saw that it was never updated. Now I am dying to know if you got the property or not?

I too am in this position and know that we will move sometime soon to a mountain property.


I am interested in hearing more stories too!

[canuckgal]

update...

...well, no, we did not get that property. Actually, the owners rejected our offer (1500.00 more than what they were asking as we wanted thier appliances too) and someone else's offer, provided NO counteroffer, and upped their price by 10,000.00!!! : Apparently, since we looked at it, there has not been ONE further enquiry into this place...wonder why!?

We did buy a 1 1/2 story home in a small (5-600 ish people) community a few miles away. It was in our price range, and is in "town" but everything we looked at rurally for the price we wanted was in pretty bad shape, and everything in the larger community I live in was too small. I am told it is one of those friendly small communities where people at least say hi if you are walking by, and bring the new neighbours some cookies, etc. We move in the end of the month.

Tina

[momto l&a]

Be warned though it does take a bit of adjustment to country/rural life.

What I mean by that is people get used to city/town life with seeing people bustling around them all the time and being able to run out to store for just a moment that when they move out to the country it feels really lonely for a few months as you don't see poeple going about their business, you cant run to the store for one thing ect.

[Dillpicklechip]

Tina, congrats on your new home. When you do move let us know how your kids like living in a small town!

My husband just got a new job and we're going to start saving to buy a house as soon as we pay of some debts. We really want to live out in the country but the idea of a small town intrigues me as well. And that might offer more chances for socializing for the kids.

Mom to l&a, I understand what you mean now. I guess it would seem strange at first to not have people all around you.