Mother of Multiples club

[laralou]

What is yours like?

[Tigerchild]

The one I'm a member of is HUGE. There seems to be a ton of different viewpoints, though. There are even people whose twins are grown up (like post-college!).

They have a spinoff group for the first year (pregnant and 0-1 multiples), and I've seen a wide variety of topics there. The one time I was able to make it in person, there was a mom who was slinging her twins! I think overall, the group is pretty mainstream, but accepting. (Kinda like straight but not narrow? ;>)

I haven't been doing much hanging out with small groups though, it could be really different there.

[laralou]

Mine was a small group for just new and expectant moms. I'll go to the next big meeting.

[Tigerchild]

You know, sometimes I think that you meet the most rabid people in 'new parents' groups...esp. if there are a lot of people who haven't had kids before, KWIM? People seem especially defensive and preachy and wanting to be in control, esp. at the stage where they probably have the least control.

I've found much more "live and let live" attitudes from groups of moms of older kids. I used to go to a lot of MOMS Club meetings, and most of the mamas there were mamas of older kids, and I NEVER felt judged for being non-mainstream. I figure that maybe those moms didn't have anything to 'prove' anymore?

Eh...I could be full of sh!t about that too, I guess. I have this running social theory that 'born-again-ANYTHING' folks are always the most obnoxious, because when you're messing with anything they consider essential to them (and I guess we have to admit, how we choose to parent is a biggie!), it's like a personal attack. Heck, you can see some of that on MotheringDotCommune too, and I would say that the majority of people here try to be conscious of each other's feelings most of the time.

It's never easy to be the loner in the group, though. Real or perceived.

[mom3]

Mine is pretty mainstream. It seems like most of the moms do at least bf for a litttle while but that's about the only AP thing I've seen in the group at large. Nobody has ever said anything negative to me whenever I've expressed an AP kind of opinion but I don't go to many of the meetings and the 3 other moms in my playgroup are more or less friends now. I do try to go to the "New and Expectant MOMS Forum" every now and then so I can get some AP ideas planted early . I figure they might never have even thought some of it is possible with twins and maybe they'll try it after hearing from someone who actually does EBF, co-sleep, etc.

[punky]

i find that there are alot of different "types" in my twins club too. for some reason, i am connecting with the other toddler moms alot more now that we all have toddlers as opposed to newborns!

i would give it a few more tries- you never know who might show up at the next meeting! and the group dynamic could change from one meeting to another too..

good luck!
-krista

[laralou]

I'm interested in seeing how the larger group is.

Krista, that is a good point that it can change from month to month.

[Piglet68]

This is T and also since I'm a moderator but...

Tigerchild your post was just SO...wonderful! You had me laughing (because I think *I* suffered from that "born-again anything" syndrome when I finally "discovered" AP) and thinking how incredibly wise you are. What you said is just so true. I have always enjoyed your posts. This one was pure gold!

[angie6]

I am glad this subject was brought up because about a year ago I sent in for information to start a group in our area. After reading through all the stuff I have hesitated to go forward with it because I do not want a strict, formal group that is mainstream. So I have to decided to go ahead and start a multiples group but just make it what I want it to be and the other moms want it to be. SInce I am an AP mom I can easily blend ideas into the group and help others understand that there are other ways of parenting out there. I am really interested in forming a group to learn from those that have been there and to teach those who have not and all grow together in this unique mothering experience. I guess everything is what we make of it and if we expose our ways of parenting to others they may not agree at that time but maybe it will influence their choices in the future!
Angie

[Periwinkle]

The one in my area is AWFUL!!! It is so demoralizing... I went once when dd and ds were 3 months old and once when they were 5 months old, and here's a little snapshot of the meetings...

* An alarming number of the twins (fraternal or not) were dressed alike. All the mommies were just "all about" twins! It was like they forgot that each baby was unique and they just said "the twins" this and "the babies" that. I'm not saying that occasional twin dressing can't be cute (e.g., we had a few adorable brother/sister outfits) but come on!! One of the moms I run into outside the group when shopping fairly often, and her boys are ALWAYS wearing the exact same thing.

* Almost everyone was exclusively bottle feeding. And this was a VERY young group of babies. Many had never even attempted to nurse beyond a week or two. The two of us who were generally nursing most of the time were looked at with cross-eyes.

* All were plugged with pacis the moment they fussed, without attempting to figure out what was wrong first. In other words, they weren't being used just as a temporary soothing device, but more like a babysitter. My dd and ds definitely loved their pacis during the first few months (self-weaned around 4 months), but I'd use them after feedings to give them a little additional sucking time while I fed the other twin, or to help soothe them off to sleep, not just because they cried!

* A few of the mamas who were back to work full time after 2-3 months at home proudly stated that they didn't need to be financially but were just "dying to leave the house". That really made me feel sad.

* All of the babies were on fairly strict schedules. Most were attempting to let their babies CIO, "self-sooth" (amusing for a 2 month old), and I agree with Laralou that "Babywise" was mentioned about a hundred times. So was the "Baby Whisperer", particulary the points about needing to stick to a Sleep-Eat-Play-Sleep routine. "No, you should NEVER nurse your baby to sleep!" etc etc.


Now look, I've said before that I'm hardly the AP poster child, but my heart's in the right place, and if I was horrified with their mothering styles, it HAD to be bad! :LOL :LOL

Uh oh... my banana muffins are burning!!!!!!!!!!! GOTTA GO!

[Stayathomemommy]

i used to have a hard time spending time with others that had different points of view..bottle feeders ect.... but i am working hard now to stop judging people and just be proud of the way i have chose to do things. i still feel sad for those babies that are 3 months and their parents are talking about letting them cry to sleep so i try and say things like, "i know its so hard but they just gotta eat!"

my multiples group is just starting. no one parents the way i do and they all bottle feed. i dont go there for that stuff. mostly i just want to interact and discuss twin issues and learn from those with their children in school and what may go on in my future. i take from the group what i can use and then vent the rest of it to my husband (there i go judging, but its so hard not to sometimes)

i figure the pregnant with twin moms that come to the meeting will get no major breastfeeding support unless i am there. i have to make the group more well rounded.

[laralou]

I went to my first big meeting and it was huge. It felt very much like a sorority and I was rushing. LOL- brought back all sorts of insecurities!

[gcopeley]

I went to two groups in my area and I felt very out of place at both. I was in the 38th week of my pregnancy at one and they were all surprize I was carrying them in utero. Most of the views very conventional.