Does anyone else miss their MW after delivery?

[Lifesabeach]

I never needed labor support...I never thought I needed to bond with my MW but this pregnancy...I just at the thought that I won't go see my MW every 4 weeks. And this was my 4th and *last* son so it's looking grim. but i miss her sooo much. Makes me wanna have more just so I can see her.

I took Curran to my MW for his 3 mo checkup just so I could see her. I cost me $35 when I could have just gone to my ped for $5. I'm a nut.

And she was only at my birth for 7 minutes...

Jennifer~
mom to Connor 8, Cole 6, Cooper 4 and Curran, 3mos.

[Kirsten]

I totally know what you mean! The nurse-midwife we had in the hospital for dd1's birth was fine but I don't miss her and don't keep in touch.
But the midwives we had in the freestanding birth center with dd2 - them I LOVE! Adore those women and that place. I find any excuse to drop by.... I do any kind of volunteer work I can for them. I send them clients all the time. I send Xmas cards/photos of the girls and see them at their annual birth center picnic - never miss that!
We are about to have baby #3 with them and I am so happy to be seeing them weekly. I know I will miss them terribly after my six week postpartum check but that is the way it is. I will still see them - just not as much as I'd like.
You know what my plan is? When this baby is in school, I will volunteer or work there!
Kirsten

[blessedmomof3]

Actually...No. I don't miss her at all.

I am still a little mad at myself for not researching my mw choice better.

[JesseMomme]

8

[mamaduck]

YES! And so what I did was volunteer weekly at my birth center for a year after I gave birth there.... it was great!

[velveeta]

I *so* understand what you mean! I feel like my MW is a good friend! Our visits were so great! They normally lasted an hour, and they always began with sort of a mental health check-in. I miss that!


Jean

p.s. I think that the idea to volunteer is great!

[Spark]

I miss her, too! It was so wonderful going to see Pat and talking about pregnancy and life. I really liked our time together. My husband and I are TTC right now and one of things I'm looking forward to is seeing my MW again! I picture my son Jude playing with the toys in her office as she and I talk. Oh, it will be so nice!

Looking forward to prenatal visits to catch up with my midwife sounds crazy, but it's what I'm thinking of. Obviously, I like her a lot and will use her again. But, I'm not sure if I want her there for the birth. I'm thinking UC, but with her for prenatals. Listen to me talk. You'd think I was 4 months along or something. I wish. No PPAF yet. Come on ovaries, we got to go see Pat some more!!!

BlessedMomof3 -- I'm sorry your midwife did crazy things. Sounds like she's one to give direct-entry midwives a bad name. I'm so glad things turned out well for you. Have you written a letter to the MW Alliance yet?

[miriam]

My four children are almost grown, and I miss my midwife.

She was a trusted friend.

I invited her to all of my childrend's coming of age parties, all of which she politely declined. She was wonderful, but I am sure busy all of the time.

[blessedmomof3]

.

[indigolilybear]

This happened to me....except I actually felt a little betrayed by the whole thing....mainly that they felt like "friends" but really, they aren't. They are paid professionals that I kind of paid to care about us. Sounds harsh, but that's how I see/saw it. I realized that I had misplaced my feelings on them and it was a weird relationship. Very confusing.

That is one of the many many reasons we opted for UC w/the next. I felt like I just didn't want to "fall in love" w/anyone else besides my family and new baby. I did miss the attention they gave but ultimately felt like it was better and more of a growing experience for me. I could see that I needed to learn to take care of myself w/RL friends....and that is what happened. The universe provided for me wonderfully as we had *just* moved when I got preg. w/no. two. I was even given two blessingways!! I still feel so grateful for the way that I was given to and supported that I constantly try to repay the world for it!! LOL
ANd w/that birth, there was no one else but my wonderful family to recieve all the benefits of that great oxytocin.

I actually think it is really weird how this relationship plays out in our culture...falling in love w/MW's and OB's. I think I needed to realize that I had/have all the qualities that I projected on my MW's....AND that I needed to learn what to ask for from my DH as well.
anyway, sorry for the highjack.

[Spark]

Thanks for the highjack, that's a great perspective. I'm so glad you posted it. I can totally see it from that viewpoint. Also, I think I would miss the attention MW give to pregnant women, too. There's something that clicks and I just craved that attention. How do you handle that with UC? I think I'll go start another thread.

Best wishes!

[JesseMomme]

Indigo - You took the words right out of my mouth - though I have never had a mw, I realized during my second pregancy that I was giving myself this "complex" - I "loved" the Dr's who saw me through out my pregnancies, they were both (one for each preg) smart, well "medico-smart", beautiful, young and on their way to successful carreers in medicine (None do OB now though, phew!). They were residents with their lives ahead of them, and I was young and soemtimes felt like my life was stopped or on hold so I envied them. I also didn't want them to think of me as "young stupid and pregnant" which is what a lot of the clientel were probably like (Public city hospital, took medicaid) and I always made this extra effort to be humorous and show that I was indeed not stupid (Niave yes but never dumb, just dumb about medicalized birth at the time). I was seeking their approval, loved the attention I got. I thought at the time also that it helped that my mother worked with these residents (she's an LPN) and she knew who the "best" ones were. I think she wound picking the nicest ones for me, made sure I had someone female, etc. So it seemed like an ideal situation at the time, but in the end proved diffucult because it made for way too much emotional involvement for everyone, especially when I tried to take myself out of the situation, it was the whole world was in this group effort to reign me back in, even the first resident who by that time had her own practice! They succeeded, by playing the fear cards. (risk of pre-e).

When I say close I mean the first Dr crying on my mother's shoulder in the NICU close.

MY UP taught me a lot about not needing to get other people's appoval to enjoy my pregnancy. It in the long run I feel that mw/ob/dr's complexes can be stunting, not always, but it was in my case.

[cottonwood]

(I was sure I already replied to this thread... hm, weird... does anybody else ever do that? lol)

Originally posted by indigolilybear
I realized that I had misplaced my feelings on them and it was a weird relationship. Very confusing.

That is one of the many many reasons we opted for UC w/the next. I felt like I just didn't want to "fall in love" w/anyone else besides my family and new baby.

Yes!!! That is exactly how it was for me. I became very emotionally attached to my midwife -- after all, she was playing the role of a dear friend, a confidante, a wise mother-figure. She touched me intimately with hugs, smiles, affection, attention. She also touched me in places that no one else but my lover touches. In order to cope with that level of intimacy, I had to either disassociate from my body while being handled by her, or develop accepting feelings of intimacy toward her. In my attempt to be open as much as possible to the process of birth, I opened up and let her in, too. And then she was gone, poof! And yes that hurt. Especially when I realized the depth of my attachment and that she was not at all attached to me. I felt very stupid for allowing it to happen, and very sad. Having to deal with that detracted from the birth itself and the time of bonding with my baby and husband, and that just wasn't right. So for us too it was a factor in deciding to UC.

[bloodrayne]

I know I will miss her when the visits stop. I still have 4 more weeks til my 6-week final visit, though if I need her beyond that she'll keep coming. I want to keep in touch but I don't know if we will.

She did ask DH and I to speak at some kind of workshop or conference, though, so I know we'll see her then, I'm not sure when that is.

I am going to miss her visits SO much. I always feel so happy afterward. Especially compared to my ever-negative experiences at the place I went before we hired her.