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OMGosh... I am in shock! - Page 2

post #21 of 81


Wow, I'm pretty darn non-judgmental but that's obscene. Suggest she ask her pediatrician about it. I'm sure s/he's a mainstream doc and they'll give her/his facts more credence than yours. I cannot imagine ANYONE supporting that--it's stupid, develop. inappropriate and abusive. Poor kid's going to spend lots on therapy in 20 years.
post #22 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
It is absolutely developmentally feasible to not pee in your clothes at age 2.5. It has become unusual for many reasons but in the 90s it was normal.

Having said that I am sick to the stomach thinking about the OP's dn *knowing* what was going to happen to him for having an accident and saing 'no, no' to his dad. They are abusing him and its wrong no two ways about it.
I think that it is a huge assuption to think that it is absolutely feasible to expect a 2.5 year old not to have accidents. All children are different and PT at different times.

They are abusing their son for being a normal child. They are wrong and I am disgusted.
post #23 of 81
Most pediatricians now are of the mindset that you should let the child lead and not to push and it's closer to 3 when a child is physically able to control pee/poop. Have her talk to her pediatrician about this.

Maybe suggest there might be something physically wrong instead of him being "stubborn", or whatever they feel he is being, and have the pediatrician evaluate him. If they get the talk from someone "official" then they might reconsider their, uh, technique.
post #24 of 81
there is a friend of my family that has three sons, one is a month old, one is a year older than Addy and one is 7.
the three year old has been working on potty learning for a year. its taken him a LONG time, ebcause... everytime he has an accident.. they spank him. hard.
his dad, who is a very blue collar good ol boy isnt even the spanker for potty infractions, its the mama, the one i ahve known since i was 4.
when i found out, after rushing him to the bathroom when he said he had to go, and he had pooped in his pullup just before getting his pants down ( ) he started crying and shaking saying he was going to get a spanking. i was in SHOCK. i told him "no one should ever hurt you. especially not for having an accident. dont worry babe", and gave him a big ol hug then when i had a moment alone with his aprents i tried to explain to him that spanking him about potty isssues will NOT help, and thats probably why its been taking him SO long to potty learn. that children who associate negative feelings about their bodies own natural behaviors, like going to the bathroom, etc will cause MAJOR psychological problems later on down the road, not to mention its HURTING him now, physically and emotionally.
their response was "well you dont know what you are talking about cause you have a lil girl, and she potty learned early so she didnt have any porblems, he has problems so we are fixing them by spanking him. we arent hurting him." its almost IMPOSSIBLE to get spankers to listen and understand that spanking IS hurting the child.
i am so sorry you had to hear that on the phone with your nephews. what a terrible thing to experience. maybe you could print up some antispank lit and mail it to her?
post #25 of 81
I am one of those people who absolutely HATES changing toddler diapers. Makes me gag, seriously sick to my stomach. Blech. Between 2 and 2.5, both of my older children seemed like they could use the potty. I don't know how much they wanted to, but they weren't really against it. We just took the diapers off, which I know some consider a no-no but it worked like a charm for us. Took like, a week to day-pt them. Just told them "No more diapers. You use the potty now." Seriously incredibly easy. I think the key is to NOT use diapers at ALL, except at night if they dont have the bladder control to go all night. I think at 2 or 3, most children can definitely use the potty and I think it is better for everybody involved. And you definitely need to be low-key and matter-of-fact about it.

That being said, I totally agree with the PP's that spanking the poor kid is horrible and completely counter-productive. I think you should definitely try to offer some support or ideas on other ways to do it. Have they tried rewards (like candy? Not really my cup of tea, but I think it can give them enough incentive to *try* going on the potty, you know? Then once they see it's kinda neat, they might want to keep doing it.) Or really, if they haven't tried completely going cold turkey w. the diapers they should. I think pull ups can be confusing to the kid.

Anyway I really understand why they would be sick of changing diapers. I REEEAALLY do. Toddler poop is just..ick. So I understand her desperation. I think maybe offering her some alternatives may be the best way to go, you know?
post #26 of 81
Thread Starter 
I just have a moment, but wanted to thank everyone for their reply. I have been thinking about it alot and will share what I think i will do when the kiddos go to bed. Keep them coming... the more mainstream the better.
post #27 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom22girls View Post
Hmm - abuse aside, do they know it may not be developmentally feasible for a 2.5 year old or 3 year old to put together all the concepts of toileting?? Sounds like besides their parenting skills, they might want to adjust their expectations. I think most pediatricians will back that up.
Well, if it was truly the case that humans are incapaple of controlling their sphincter and bladder muscles until 3 + years, what would the 95% of the world that doesn't use diapers do? Obviously, children (my little 4mos ds included!) are indeed capable of all the aspects of toileting minus the developmental milestone of being able to maneuver themselves onto an apropriate recepticle. This is what he relies on me to help him with.

Children in America are diaper-learned and subsequently potty-learned, or, un-diaper-learned. Children stuck in diapers lose the ability to recognize the need to go to the toilet and it is a hard thing (in most cases) for them to re-learn.

I don't want to hiijack the OP thread. I just wanted to throw that out and clear the waters.
post #28 of 81
Ask your sister how she would feel if, every time she performed a bodily function, she knew that someone was going to strike her painfully? Just let her stew on that one for a while. They are creating an association in this child's mind between pain/fear on the one hand, and peeing/pooping on the other. There are excellent odds that they are actually delaying the time when he will be able to successfully use the potty, rather than speeding it up.

I'd also probably suggest some of the other potty-training methods that people have used, i.e. the "no diapers anymore" method. I would actually probably recommend that at this point they just drop the entire issue for a while, since it's become this huge traumatic problem, and then when they revisit it, try something non-punitive.
post #29 of 81
Let's not muddy this discussion with a debate about EC (elimination communication- teaching babies to use a potty/toilet rather than diapers.) Most EC babies are fully capable of staying clean and dry long before they enter the "strong negative" stage of being 2 or 2.5.

What we have here is a 2.5yo who HAS been using diapers for the past 2.5 years. Developmentally it's a difficult time to learn how to use the toilet for the first time- they want to be independent and NOT do what mama and papa want them to do, and games are far too interesting to pause them for a bathroom break.

It's doubtful these parents are going to listen to any anti-spanking info, certainly not if you outright tell them "you're wrong and I'm right." I think if you don't teach them (the parents) a better method of potty training, they'll keep on spanking for "accidents." How about a bribe/positive reinforcement, such as a sticker or a candy every time the child successfully uses the toilet/potty? Then another reward (such as new undies the child picks out?) after being reliably dry/clean for a while.
post #30 of 81
this thread brought back such vivid memories for me.
My folks had a frined who not only hit her child for accidents but then pinned the soiled underwear to his clothes! Even as a child I thought that was way messed up.
It makes me physically ill to think that poor baby is being hit for having accidents. We are right in the middle of PT our 2 1/2 year old... we just took away the diapers and got one of those little portable potties and it is just in whatever room we are in. And we just remind him often or every hour or so I take hime to the toilet. But he seems ready. My dd wasn't ready until she was 3, my oldest son (now 9) wasn't ready until just before 3 1/2, and ds#2 was ready at about 2. We did to a reward thing, like new undies and maybe some special treat (like out for ice cream or lunch with dad or mom alone).
It can be frustrating to have to clean up accidents, but if it happens alot, maybe he isn't ready yet. What is the hurry? It is "nasty" to change toddler poop, it is nastier to hit a child. Poor baby.

H
post #31 of 81
Just one more horror story!

My inlaws did the same thing with my dn, along with begging him to "please, please poop on the potty for mama", and openly discussing his naughtiness and disgusting inability to potty train in front of everyone. Now he's 5 1/2, and he's always, always constipated. He regularly, like at least four times a week, poops one little tiny nugget out in his pants, and then goes around with it in there for the rest of the day. And quite he sticks his hand in his pants and itches, and then goes around with poop on his hands, too.

Do you think he's popular in kindergarten? Nobody wants to have him around. I love him dearly, but he's done that in my house so many times that I'm really grossed out by him, and hate to have him over.
post #32 of 81
Ok, that's just aweful, really! What on earth is THAT teaching him?! Wow, just, wow...
post #33 of 81
I was spanked when I had an accident with a switch and I was humiliated. After the spanking, I was made to wear my wet panties on my head. I didn't potty train until I was 6. I was scared of using the bathroom so I would hold it until I couldn't anymore . I woul wet myself and then hurry up and change before anyone noticed. I still have issues with using the bathroom. I don't have accidents but I do get a lot of UTI's from holding it in too long.

They may think they are doing good but in reality, they are messing up their kid forever. He will associate the bathroom with physical pain every time.
post #34 of 81
That is so very sad.
post #35 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone View Post
The thought of that poor child being spanked for having an accident truly makes me sick to my stomach. It's called an accident for a reason, I wonder if they go around abusing each other if say someone accidently drops a glass.
No kidding. My thoughts exactly.:
post #36 of 81
I would have said
"You are : joking."

That is brilliant, the kid'll probably end up wetting the bed from psychological problems while being anally retentive during the day.


Okay, now that I've calmed down a bit. How about buying them one of the many non-punitive mainstream potty learning books?
post #37 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by natensarah View Post
Just one more horror story!

My inlaws did the same thing with my dn, along with begging him to "please, please poop on the potty for mama", and openly discussing his naughtiness and disgusting inability to potty train in front of everyone. Now he's 5 1/2, and he's always, always constipated. He regularly, like at least four times a week, poops one little tiny nugget out in his pants, and then goes around with it in there for the rest of the day. And quite he sticks his hand in his pants and itches, and then goes around with poop on his hands, too.

Do you think he's popular in kindergarten? Nobody wants to have him around. I love him dearly, but he's done that in my house so many times that I'm really grossed out by him, and hate to have him over.
oh gosh that is terrible. poor kid.
post #38 of 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenenlightened View Post
I was spanked when I had an accident with a switch and I was humiliated. After the spanking, I was made to wear my wet panties on my head. I didn't potty train until I was 6. I was scared of using the bathroom so I would hold it until I couldn't anymore . I woul wet myself and then hurry up and change before anyone noticed. I still have issues with using the bathroom. I don't have accidents but I do get a lot of UTI's from holding it in too long.

They may think they are doing good but in reality, they are messing up their kid forever. He will associate the bathroom with physical pain every time.



wow that is just unbelievably terrible too. I can't believe people actually do these sorts of things to kids! Insane!
post #39 of 81
It makes you wonder where people get this idea. I mean do you hit a child you are trying to teach to read? Or add? Ok amybe they do... I don't know. It si something that takes time. All I can think of is as this kid gets older all the stuff he will hide... if he has an accident all the underpants thrown away. Or sleeping in a peed in bed, just to not get hit.

And zenen: I am so sorry.

H
post #40 of 81
Ugh, these stories are so hard to read.

Maybe you could ask your sister and her husband how they'd feel if a trusted family member several times their size spanked or otherwise hurt or humiliated them for something they did by accident?

I wonder why they feel they need to be so harsh with their child. Were they treated this harshly when they were children?
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