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Not sure what to think

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
I guess I should start off this post with a little bit of information about myself... I am a 23 year old graduate student who has been married for 2 years. I kinda always figured that I would have children, but then I changed my mind about it, and now I guess I am sitting on the fence. I hope that makes sense. Lately I have been having dreams about being pregnant and having a baby (and in my dreams I am so happy), which makes me wonder what I want. I am confused... Usually I have these feelings at certain times of the month, so I can attribute them to hormones but lately it seems to be fairly constant. I know I don't want to have children anytime soon (I am going to get my Ph. D.) but I have to wonder what it would be like to have a child.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts... I feel better just getting that out.

Did anyone else go through this?
post #2 of 8
I can kind of relate I wanted to finish school and have a nice job before I had a baby. At one point, I remember telling my friends "I'd really like to have a baby in my arms by Thanksgiving of '02. I'll be 25, finished with school, and it'll be the right time." Turns out I hadn't finished school by any stretch, but lo and behold, I had a baby in my arms last Thanksgiving.

My mother has a theory on "being ready to have children": She says that if you're waiting until you have "enough", you'll never have kids at all. That's her view.

IMHO, there are times that God decides are right, and people have kids then. (I don't mean to get all preachy, but that's what I believe.)

Good luck with it all! Whatever you decide, I hope you can be happy with that decision.

P.S.- I love being a mom, even if sometimes I wish for a vacation .
post #3 of 8
I think it is really cool that you are having these dreams. If I were in your shoes, I would ask God what he is tryng to say to you. Ask Him to be specific in showing you the full meaning of these dreams...

God works in mysterious ways. Possibly look at it from a different angle. It may be God's way of saying for you to slow down, look at life from a different angle. Or Have patience with yourself in an area that maybe you are struggling in.

Mothers and babies....seeing pics of them remind me of how precious life is. Maybe you need to stop and remember how precious even the little things in life are. These dreams may not be just about the obvious of having a baby. It could mean a lot of other little things in life you may be overlooking that tend to get payed more attention to when women have babies.

Good luck with trying to decipher it.
post #4 of 8
I am a 24 year old mother of a nine month old and last year I was in the same position. I was working on my MS in Library Science and feeling like a baby might be a good idea. I had been married for over a year at the time. I have got to say-- it worked pretty well. Under the orginal plan, I was to graduate before the bean was born, but I fell sick in my last semester and have had to make up incompletes. I finished this semester and walked on Sunday. Now my husband starts work on his doctorate next semester. . . what field are you in? How important is your career to you? Can you bring a tiny baby to classes with you? This is what I did and it worked well because my husband was there to remove him if he got fussy. Will your finaid let you go part time-- SallieMae has a deferment for pregnancy and birth if you need it for loans. Will yyour parents kill you . . . ? Mine almost did-- they still think that my son was an accident. More later little one calls . . .
post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Well, I know that having a baby anytime soon would be a bad idea for me because I don't have the time or energy to devote to a baby. I don't think I could take it to classes, and frankly from what I have heard about being pregnant, I don't think I could handle that now either. My career is very important to me, in fact, probably the most important thing to me (other than my marriage). I don't have financial aid, so that's a non-issue. I don't know that my parents would care either way and his parents would be tickled pink. I really like his parents, but would never have a child just to please them. In fact, I have told them all along that I wasn't ever going to have kids (my DH is their only child, thus their only shot at grandchildren), but since I haven't made up my mind, I am not going to say anything either way to them.

DH and I have had many talks about this. I think he wants kids, but since I have been so adamantly against it, he has backed off. He said I might change my mind... as much as I hated hearing that, I think it might be true. He is incredibly good with kids, but I worry about my lack of patience with them. I see so many of the positives and negatives of having them, and am just confused.

I guess it doesn't matter terribly much for now because I have 5 years of school (possibly out-of-state) to go. I just don't know how I could have a baby and go to school. I know people who do it, but I don't know that I could.

As far as my dreams, you could be right. It may not be best to interpret them literally. I am not a particularly religious person, but I guess it couldn't hurt to ask for some guidance.

Thanks to everyone for their input.
post #6 of 8
Sounds like you're not ready for a baby yet-- but you have 20 years to think it over and decide, so I wouldn't worry too much just yet. Just don't do anything irreversable and use effective birth control in the meantime!
post #7 of 8
I had a very similar experience around the time I got married which was when I was 24. I didn't get pregnant until I was 28 and I think it was the right thing for me. We didn't set a time frame on how long we would wait...we just waited until we couldn't wait anymore. I loved those years of fantasizing about my baby....I would often read parenting books, browse through baby Gap, stare at babies everywhere, dream about whether I would have a boy or girl and what I would name he or she. I think it was good to let my desire mount like that because when I did get pregnant I was SO happy and SO ready for it. I feel like that time prepared me mentally & spiritually. Also, my dh and I really worked on setting up our life so that he could be the main breadwinner & I could stay home. I got to travel and enjoy my relationship with my dh which has been really important - its so good to have a strong foundation when you have a baby. I also had time to work and try out several different careers...which I can go back in time. In my opinion, if you want a baby, but you're uncertain whether its time....I would wait....esp since you are so young and have plenty of fertile years ahead. You don't have to set a definite amount of time you are waiting...you could just wait and see where that takes you. Enjoy the dreaming.......you have such an amazing journey ahead of you!!!
post #8 of 8
I have an idea of where you're coming from. I've always known I'd have kids, but I never knew when. DH and I were together for 8 years before getting married and I was pg about a year or so after our wedding. For a long time, most days I didn't want a baby, but every now and then I would want one. Then, the days of wanting vs. not were about 50/50. Then, finally, the days I wanted a baby outnumbered the days I didn't. That's when I knew I was ready. DH was ready before me and as soon as I said ok, we started trying.

I always felt there was never an exact perfect time to have a baby. There is always school or bills or a new job or a new house or whatever. I just went by feelings and knew that everything would work out for the best. It sounds like you've decided that a family will happen, but just need to wait until you feel right about that.
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