Annoying conversation with my mom about BF

[Hannah's Mom]

I'm on the phone with my mom today talking about dd and mentioned that I was so proud of myself for making it this far with dd bf and working & pumping and never supplementing with formula. My mom said, "Well you only have 2 more months." (dd is 10 months.) I replied that I hoped to make it until at least 18 months. My mom says that's not good for her and I think she'd be happier if you didn't. I couldn't believe she said that, but actually kind of kept my cool and asked her to explain what she meant by that bc dd is quite happy and my mom only sees her every 2-3 months bc they live so far away. She said something to the effect of, "Well I just don't think it's such a good idea to be sleeping with her and letting her use nursing as a pacifier." Grrrr. What does that have to do with her being happy? DD is very happy most of the time, although she can be a little whiney and is very attached to DH and I and doesn't want to go to others she doesn't know well. Apparently that translates to her being unhappy and the cause of it is co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

My mom is supportive of BF to a degree, but definitely doesn't see the need for doing it past 1 year. At first she wanted me to wean earlier bc my SIL (bro's wife) weaned their son at 7-8 months and, of course, she MUST know more than me (SIL also chose to use Ferberizing/CIO beginning at 6 months and was VERY vocal about her opinion that EVERYONE should do that with their kids. Thank goodness my mom has now come to believe CIO isn't good - or at least that it's not good for every family's situation, but that's another thread...)

[nancg]

I'm always amazed at how our moms can love us so much and not see that love is not the same as imitating their every parenting decision. You are doing the right thing - and frankly, even if you weren't it is none of your mom's business to put it like that. But in any case, she'd only have to see how *happy* 18 month old or 2 year old or 3 year old kids are when they are allowed to nurse. Not to mention how reassured.

My older DD (3.5) is starting to reach an age where even when she meets another kid who does nurse, we don't know it at the time b/c the moms are happy to keep quiet about it and the kids don't nurse so often. But no question, they are a spirited, happy bunch that I've met here - I know at least 5 kids in our neighborhood who still nurse (very urban, lots of kids around), and all of them have a lot of spunk and joy. (not to say other kids don't have that, just that this seems a particularly happy subset)

Nancy
mom to nurslings Emily (3.5) and Hazel (10 months)

[AnnaReilly]

So Sad. Would showing her some EBF info maybe not change her mind, but at least get her to see that you may have a valid reason to keep BFing?

http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug90p99.html

http://www.promom.org/bf_info/toddler.htm

http://www.who.int/child-adolescent-..._exclusive.htm

http://216.239.39.100/cobrand_univ?q...n&ie=UTF-8</a> (See recommendations for 12 months to 2 years.)

[Beth-TX]

letting her use nursing as a pacifier

Oh, man I really hate it when people make statements like this. I seems to imply that the only *acceptable* way to "pacify" or calm your baby is with a piece of rubber and plastic. Heaven forbid you use your God given breasts! For pete's sake, that's what they're there for!

Breasts--not just for decoration anymore!

peace, Beth

[beanma]

ditto to what beth said! when people have said things like, "don't let her use you as a pacifier" i've said something along the line of "she uses me as a mama" or "a pacifier is just a substitute for a mama". it gets my goat when people seem to imply that you are substituting yourself and your breasts for a piece of plastic/rubber when it's the other way around. i just try to say something to turn their heads around so they can see which is the real deal and which is the fake.

[captain optimism]

This is very helpful

Thank you for posting about making it to 10 months of nursing while working and pumping. I am hoping to make it to at least a year of nursing while working and pumping, and it's really inspiring any time anyone says they have gotten past 6 months doing it. In fact maybe I should start a thread about that so I can see lots of people who have done it.

it's great that you are in a position to decide on child-led weaning. Congratulations. Since I'm in the middle of trying to do what you have done, I know what an accomplishment it was.

I don't believe that breastfeeding or co-sleeping makes children whiny or clingy. But aren't 10 month olds in the right age range for separation anxiety? That might make her whiny and not interested in someone she only sees every 2-3 months. I believe that's normal for babies no matter how they are fed, if they have a good relationship with their parents. My friend who was doing a child psychology course said something about it coinciding with children gaining mobility (crawling and beginning to walk.)

[Yinsum]

No disrespect to your mom. But consider the source. She wants you to model your parenting and nurturing after someone who tortures I meant ferberizes their children.
Be proud of your commitment to your dd. To me it seems that your dd is loved, happy, and nurtured.

[Hannah's Mom]

Thank you all so much for your kind words! nancg - you are so right. I don't think dd would be very happy if I suddenly weaned her! AnnaReilly, I really think it might help to give my mom some of that info. She is often much more swayed by "experts" than by anything I have to say. BethTX and beanma - that is exactly what I was thinking.

captain optimism - it's definitely possible to make it W&P as long as you want to! The fact that dd is something of a reverse cycler has definitely helped on low supply days (although I've never been a truly low volume pumper thank goodness). Yinsum - thanks for pointing that out.

My mom has been on me a lot lately bc we will be seeing her in a week or so for a family reunion. I think that not only does she want to be able to hold her granddaughter without her crying, but also she is worried about what "everyone" will think if dd is clingy or whiny. Funny thing is that I think my mom's own anxiety about the situation really exacerbates dd's reaction to her. The last time they visited, dd was 8 months and really didn't want to go to my mom. I think she was trying too hard and not in a very helpful way. DH told me that one time (I was at work), dd had just woken up for her nap and my mom pretty much got in her face rattling toys at her and talking AT her while dh was holding her. She hadn't even gotten a chance to really wake up yet! Then she gets defensive when we try to tell her to take it really slow with dd so dd can gradually warm up to her.

Sorry to vent so much, but I've been holding it in for quite awhile (can't you tell!).