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And it happened to me. Update on post 96 - Page 10

post #181 of 192
Originally Posted by Drewsmom View Post
My last thought on this TP. If and when you talk or when and if you talk to the SP or Area Authority if you talk directly or send a letter...I don't think you need to have any "arguments" defending bf'ing ready at all. All you need to say is that you are nursing your child and have been asked by the Bishop to not do so. You don't need to defend your decision or bog it down by explaining. I think if you just put it simply it gets right to the root of things. The Bishop was getting into the nitty grittys of the argument and that probably hurt vs helped things.
: I would also state that you have been offended by others behavior regarding this matter. They seem to only be interested in the feelings of people who don't like nip. You are doing the best thing for your child, and people seem to have no problem offending you.
post #182 of 192

Tuan'sprincess, what happened? Did you take it higher up? Or just keep on nursing in SM and nothing else ever happened? Just curious.
post #183 of 192
Thread Starter 
Goodness I was surprised to see this thread pop back up!

My bish and I agreed to dissagree on the issue. I have decided to only take it higher up if someone has another problem with it. Bish informed me that the stake pres (next up) feels the same way. So I would then meet with sp and hear him say it himself before taking it to the area authority.

As much as I wish I could just take it to the top and get a statement put out that nip without a blanket is perfectly fine in sac meeting, I have no reason to do so at this time. The only thing I am doing differently is to try to remember to wear two shirts so that I can pull one up and leave the other covering my side and back. That is a courtesy I figured I could do. But I don't always remember and don't feel badly about only wearing one.

Anyway : Thanks for asking!
post #184 of 192
I didn't read all of the posts, but my sis is in So Cal, and LDS and never had a problem nip w/o cover...too bad your stake president agrees w/ your bishop...could you try another stake/church?

I'm annoyed that anyone would try to cater to the probs of a person fighting porn addiction or whatever instead of fighting for the rights of an infant!!!!!
post #185 of 192
Originally Posted by tuansprincess View Post
Well friends - the news is not very good. *sigh*

My bishop did indeed send the RS pres to my home. I'm not exactly sure how to re-cap the evening, but I made a list of things we agreed on and things we disagreed on.

*Nursing is not pornagraphy
*This issue is not entirely mine

We disagree on:
*He (and the stake pres agrees) feels that nursing in Sacrament Meeting is only appropriate with a blanket.
*He feels that any incidental flash of skin resulting from my nursing will/could be a 'trigger' for a man dealing with pornagraphy issues. Sort of like dangling a ciggy in front of a recent quitter. What about ppl with foot (or other oft exposed body parts) fetishes? No one is being asked to keep their feet covered all of the time.
*When pressed, he found that the only solution in this issue in for me to use a blanket to "cover myself" while I nurse in mixed company - RS is not an issue.
*It is obvious that to him my refusal to use a blanket (while reiterating my efforts to always be as discreet as possible) clearly shows a lack of respect/understanding/cooperation/considration/compromise on my part
*He asserts that there are two ways to nurse - in the mother's lounge and "covered" (using a blanket). The third would be "uncovered" (his term).
*He and the rest of the ward can't possibly be the only ones with this negative and uncomfortable attitude towards nip. It's everywhere. (It is NOT in Oklahoma where I lived until just recently!)
*I assert that attitudes towards nip have indeed changed in the past 20
*He does not consider the normalizing of nip and breastfeeding in general to be a positive change.
*I CAN make a difference even though I am only one!

To sum up: He cannot force me to use a blanket, but pretty much threatened further action (I don't think that at this point he even knows what he would do) if I continue as I have been and later he recieves a tip that an individual he is specifically working with on porn/infidelity issues has been negatively "affected" by my nursing "uncovered". It seems to be an issue of exposed skin. If I nurse in the mother's lounge the odds that they might see any flesh are 100:1. If I nurse among them but using a blanket, the odds of maybe seeing flesh are then 50:1. Finally, if I nurse among them discreetly but without a blanket, the odds are suddenly 15:1 in favor of a peep show. These are apparently odd they are uncomfortable with facing.

I feel so sad. It is a sadness tinged with fear. I am afraid of being alone, and right now I feel very alone. I will never feel the same comfort and security at church that I have in the past. I will, of course, continue on as I have been. Thank you all for your incredible support. You don't know how happy and loved I felt when I read that you were checking in for an update. (How pathetic is that )
UGH GIRLIE I always nurse in the foyer (my DS can't focus in the chapel) and no one says anything...I cover up to latch him on and then pull the blanket down...I think that perhaps that could be a viable negotioation...but I would seriously contact the Stake pres and perhaps even go up to the church offices in Salt Lake. they can't require you use the mothers room (ours is sooo friggen hot and sooooo friggen small that more than one person can get clausterphobic!) Go higher up...your bishop is not the be all end all of the church!!!
post #186 of 192
Originally Posted by Mrs_Hos View Post
I'm annoyed that anyone would try to cater to the probs of a person fighting porn addiction or whatever instead of fighting for the rights of an infant!!!!!
I agree...sounds like the bishop has things a bit messed up....IMO
post #187 of 192
My husband did a search and came up with this thread. I have been a long time subscriber to MDC and just had to pipe up. This happened to me last week. Apparently, I am distracting the boys as they are trying to prepare the sacrament. Yep me, nursing my daughter. Not the young women who are showing more skin than I am.
I told the bishop that when he figures out a way that the room won't be so crowded, hot and stinky, oh and that I can actually take the sacrament in the Mother's Room, I'd think about it. But that really, it's the young men who need to be educated about breastfeeding. Heaven forbid we show what our breasts are intended to do! Oh, and these poor boys, what will happen when/if they go on missions to a country not as backwards as ours and a woman *gasp* breastfeeds her child in front of them!
Can you tell I am still seething?!?!?!
post #188 of 192
I'm not LDS, but have been fascinated by this thread.

And yes, I'd definitely approach this in terms of the missions. My husband went on an extended missions trip to Kenya (at age 22, unmarried) and (gasp!) had to talk to TOPLESS WOMEN and see NAKED MEN and watch GOATS HAVE SEX ALL. NIGHT. LONG. (Evidently the goats were the most traumatizing part, because fifteen years later he's still talking about how they never stopped.) He told me that he felt uncomfortable for a few days--not "they're doing something wrong" uncomfortable but "holy heck, this is more skin than I've ever seen" uncomfortable--and then he got over it. To this day, he is ferocious in his defense of nursing any time and anywhere.

Culturally, any denomination that encourages missions is doing its members a huge disfavor if they teach that exposure during breastfeeding is wrong. What are those youg men going to do, ask the nursing women in Uganda or wherever to put a blanket on before they tell them about Jesus?

Oh, and in my denomination the bishop would be perceived as doing something Not Well if he sent someone else to speak about an issue he was having. I don't know if LDS has a different expectation, but my first reaction was that he should have approached you himself if you had a genuine issue, and he should never have threatened you with the fact that the one person higher up than he felt the same way. Churches aren't Targets; you don't just go up the chain. The proper course of action if the two of you still had a dispute is to assemble your own church leadership to mediate--and then they've got to show you HOW what you are doing is hurting church unity (let them find biblical passages to support no pubic nursing; I dare them).
post #189 of 192
Originally Posted by thekimballs View Post
(Evidently the goats were the most traumatizing part, because fifteen years later he's still talking about how they never stopped.)
post #190 of 192
From one BF'ing LDS mama to another: I send you lots of hugs and support, even though this thread is quite old by now! I nurse whenever and wherever in church: SM, foyer, mother's lounge (if my baby is fussy or noisy). I hold my head up high and don't give a *#$%@ what other people think. I've heard through the grapevine that it makes some other people in the ward uncomfortable. But on the other hand, I've had women come up to me and thank me for breastfeeding openly without covering up!

Nursing feels like an act of devotion to me, and it's entirely appropriate that I nurse my child without reservation or shame.

Oh, and I LOVED the idea of making a nursing "cover up" with Mary and Jesus NIP!!!! That is too good.

Now I just need to work on my mom. She nursed all five of her kids, but she is adamant that you need to "cover up" and "be discreet" and that nursing uncovered in public is like having sex in public. (Yes, she actually said that to me the other day.) She feels that nursing is a very sacred and intimate thing that shouldn't be displayed in public. Sigh...
post #191 of 192
I would ask what the heck they think Jesus ate.
post #192 of 192
So the porn-cheater has more rights than your innocent hungry baby?
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